


One Week

by FallacyFallacy



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: AU, Communication Issues: The Characters: The Fanfiction, First Time, Get Together, M/M, Pre-Sburb/Sgrub, Teenage boys talking too much and then sometimes they make out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-24
Updated: 2012-05-07
Packaged: 2017-11-02 11:06:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 60,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/368293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallacyFallacy/pseuds/FallacyFallacy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Dirk left for Jake's island in September 2011, he was pretty psyched to finally meet up with his best bro. And then Jake was 'casually' asking him whether he'd ever kissed a bloke before and suddenly everything was <i>super terrible.</i> In which Jake is a doofus, Jane isn't altruistic (but totally is), Roxy wines *whines *okay both, Dirk is <i>not</i> cute and he's not confused either, he totally knows exactly what's going on, yeah, and all four of them are nothing more than big secret weirdos deep down. Mild AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day One

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was planned and partially written before the end of Act 6, so this fic ignores the revelations made then.  
> As of now, the entire fic has been written in draft form. Each extra chapter will go up when I finish editing it. Sorry, but at the moment I can't say how long that will take, except that the next chapter probably won't take longer than a week.

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 15:21

GT: What ho my good chum!  
TT: Yo.  
GT: Are you ready to sally forth on an adventure of unenvisionable expanse?  
GT: To stride confidently through the fields of whimsical wonder and exquisite extravagance?  
GT: Plunder the tombs of mateship?  
GT: Fight back to back against the forces of boredom and apathy?  
GT: Abduct an artefact of bountiful broship?  
GT: *charismatic smile*  
TT: Oh, I'm ready, all right.  
TT: Ready to fuckin' high five while leaping into a ravine labelled 'the true meaning of broship'.  
TT: Or liberate millions of dollars of gold pieces from an ancient burial ground.  
TT: Only to realise that the real treasure was inside us all along.  
TT: The treasure was friendship, by the way.  
GT: Thats the spirit!  
GT: All ready to go then?  
GT: What am i saying you probably had all of your gadgets and assorted paraphernalia packed and ready months ago!  
TT: What makes you say that?  
GT: Well youre just that kind of guy after all!  
GT: All organised and prepared for practical concerns like that!  
GT: Youre like the watson to my holmes!  
TT: I'm not sure under what interpretation you could successfully compare yourself to Sherlock Holmes, but whatever.  
GT: A correct one! The bloke was actually pretty active in the original canon, you know! Haven't you seen the latest movie?   
GT: I watched it just the other day and it was really friggin good fun!  
GT: He was even a boxer which isnt as good as wrestling but its pretty close!  
TT: I'll take your word for it.  
GT: Hmm. *taps chin shrewdly*  
TT: What is that for?  
TT: Or, shit, should I be saying:  
TT: *wonders what the fuck Jake is emoting about*  
GT: You fancy yourself as the great detective dont you!  
TT: I actually don't really give a shit.  
TT: But yeah, I think I'm more like him than you.  
GT: Blasphemy!  
GT: Thats it as soon as you arrive i challenge you to a duel!  
GT: Winner claims the right to declare themselves the true holmes for the rest of all eternity!  
GT: Do you accept?  
TT: That depends. What are the specifications of this duel?  
TT: Should I bring a pair of flintlock pistols? Or perhaps one of my totally sugoi katanas would be more fitting with this vision you have created for yourself.  
TT: I assure you that I am treating this matter with utmost seriousness.  
GT: What no.  
GT: We duel with fists like real men!  
GT: Also your katanas are kinda dumb anyway.  
TT: What.  
TT: Okay, that's it. I accept your duel.  
GT: Wonderful! *pumps fist thoroughly*  
TT: Seriously though, if any of us are a detective, shouldn't it be Jane?  
GT: Maybe we are all him?  
TT: What about Roxy? What qualities of Sherlock Holmes could we possibly find in her?  
GT: Hmmm.  
GT: Well sherlock holmes did have a tradition of problems with certain...shall we say dubious substances?  
TT: Oh my god.  
GT: Oh my! *rubs back of neck nervously* That was terribly rude of me! I should not have said such impolite things about roxy!  
TT: No, no, that was perfect.  
TT: So Sherlock Holmes has Jane's obsession with detectives, your fisticuffs, my intelligence, and Roxy's drunkenness?  
GT: Oh shut it you.  
GT: But in all seriousness it will be nice to spar with an actual person for a change!  
TT: Why? Is something wrong with the brobot?  
GT: No no!  
GT: Well...  
TT: What is it.  
GT: Its nothing! Its fine!  
GT: I just meant that its pretty different wrestling with an actual flesh and blood person than a big hunk of metal thats all!  
TT: There's more to it than just a hunk of metal.  
TT: There is some pretty fucking complicated AI science going into that shit.  
TT: Shit that most people would consider pretty goddamn impressive.  
TT: It's not like I spent months welding fuckin' metal together.  
GT: I know all that!  
GT: Geez i wasnt trying to insult your abilities or anything!  
GT: I only meant that he has kind of an advantage having metal instead of skin and all.  
TT: Hmm.  
GT: What?  
TT: Sounds to me like someone is making excuses.  
GT: Oh come the fuck off it. *rolls eyes*  
GT: Anyway my point is that im really excited to be seeing you dude!  
TT: You had a point?   
TT: Beyond your boastful claims r.e. some old detectives no-one but Jane cares about anymore and your utterly scandalous allegations about the sugoiosity or lack thereof of my katanas, I mean.  
TT: I'm looking forward to it, too, though.  
GT: Great!  
GT: Actually come to think of it i should probably get the place ready...  
TT: …  
GT: What?  
GT: Its not like theres all that much to do anyway!  
TT: Should I bring food?  
GT: No theres always plenty of cans here.  
TT: What about non-canned stuff?  
GT: Er...no. No i dont think i have much of that.  
TT: I'll bring food.  
GT: Good man.  
TT: Anything else?  
GT: Hmmmm...  
GT: Just a theoretical question but...how concerned are you with personal hygiene?  
TT: That's it, I'm bringing the house.  
GT: Thats not necessary!  
TT: Seriously, wasn't your grandma a billionaire or something? How the fuck can you live like this?  
GT: It is pretty hard to get things sent here actually...  
GT: Not all of us have appearifiers or sendificators or whatever!  
TT: …  
TT: Okay, house packed, I'm done.  
GT: Fine!  
GT: Its really not that bad...  
TT: I'll be the judge of that.  
GT: Heh its actually pretty exciting really! I still cant quite believe were actually going to be meeting up!  
TT: Same here.  
GT: Its a shame jane and roxy couldnt come...then we would really be having a blowout!  
TT: Yeah.  
TT: But it's not like we can expect Jane to come over right after something like that.  
GT: I still think shed be safer here.  
GT: But i guess if the drones dont like it theres not much we can do!  
GT: I dont really get why Roxy cant come though...  
TT: Didn't she tell you?  
TT: She was bitching to me about it for weeks.  
TT: Not that I blame her, though.  
TT: Hell of a time for her mom to have a tour or whatever the fuck it is.  
TT: And suddenly decide to make some big mother-daughter gesture of affection or something.  
GT: Yes i did hear about that!  
GT: It just makes me wonder whether thats the real reason thats all...  
TT: Yeah, you told me.  
TT: Honestly, I think she just meant it as a nice gesture, and when Roxy resisted she took it to heart and persisted.  
TT: You know how they are with their passive-aggressive war.  
TT: Or rather, how Roxy's mom is.  
TT: So less of a war and more one side alternating between sending missiles out of nowhere and making grand statements of friendship and camaraderie out of some kind of warped misapprehension that that is fooling goddamned anybody at fuckin' all,  
TT: While the other just kinda runs around in circles, stopping occasionally to light a firework, only to be immediately and anticlimactically blown up.  
TT: Anyway, I'm sure you'll get to meet up with her another time.  
GT: I guess so.  
GT: I must say with both of you having such full schedules and jane being so heavily guarded its a bloody wonder if we ever manage to find a time when were free at all!  
TT: Well...we'll figure something out, I guess.  
GT: Im sure you will!  
GT: See this is just what i meant with plans and all! It is truly your area of expertise!  
TT: I guess.  
GT: Its good! All heroes need someone to help them figure out what they should do so they can put it into action!  
GT: Just like mr george in arnie king returns!  
TT: I'll take your word for it.  
GT: What! :O You have truly never seen this masterpiece of cinema before?!  
TT: Can the theatrics, English. I got it the last time you were totally shocked I had never seen some 'incredible movie classic'.   
TT: And the time before that. And the thousand goddamn times before that.  
GT: Well I cant help it if I am constantly amazed!  
GT: Your film education has been appallingly stunted my friend!  
TT: Ok, Jane's pestering me.  
TT: I guess the next time we talk will be in person.  
GT: Guess so!  
GT: It really shall be an honour seeing you, Dirk!  
TT: You, too.  
GT: Farewell until then!  
TT: See you.  
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

*

By the time Jake's island became visible from the plane, Dirk was already halfway to being a zombie. He'd flown before, of course, travelling all around the world with his bro to different places promoting his movies or just on holiday, but it'd been a while since the last time, and this flight wasn't exactly on the shorter side. It always took longer to fly in a smaller plane, and while he was aware of not only the benefits inherent in having your own private plane but also the impossibility of finding an actual air service that would fly to some random island in the middle of the pacific ocean, he couldn't help but wonder if it would be worth trying just to shave a few hours off.

It wasn't uncomfortable by any means. Those benefits? Very, very real. But though there was a very accomodating bed right beside him, he had unfortunately been plagued with an affliction too embarrassing to admit aloud – he hadn't been able to sleep. Which was fucking stupid, because seriously, what was he, some little kid waiting to go to an amusement park? But whenever he thought about it – actually seeing with his own eyes what he'd heard about for years, seeing Jake's island and Jake's house and _Jake_ right there in front of him – his stomach did this weird kind of flip-flop churning thing that he supposed could be described by some as 'infatuated' but which really came across to him more as 'painful and inconvenient'.

He blamed the turbulence. For better or worse, that had also made its mark on him.

He looked out of the window, swallowing, fiddling with the cord to his earphones. He'd thought about this event for years, more deliberately and with greater focus the closer it came. Out of habit, he had come up with plans and scripts and had theorised about possible conversation directions, but in reality he had no clue how what he was going to do. It was so outside of his previous experience that he admitted privately that he was actually a little freaked out by it all. It wasn't even just that he'd never met a friend from the internet before (and there was no reason to pretend otherwise here – the friends he had that didn't originate from the internet were pretty much nonexistent), it was that the whole thing just meant so very _much_ to him.

He wasn't used to that. He was used to living out his daily life in a kind of hazy stupor – not apathetic, not quite, but nothing to ever really get excited over.

He was used to that. Understood it. This he didn't, and that was actually pretty irritating.

Nor had it escaped his notice that he and Jake would be stuck alone together in a big house for a whole week. Sure, in his more indulgent moments he'd wondered about the possibilities of that, and maybe even now and then he'd seriously considered saying something to him, but the whole thing ultimately just felt pretty unnecessary. Sure, all of that would be goddamn _amazing_ , but if they did nothing for the entire week but hang out like bros then he would be more than happy. Just seeing Jake in person was good enough – for once, he had no desire to overcomplicate things.

The island drifted closer and closer; while before he had been desperate for any sight of it, now it seemed to be coming very quickly. He wished they could get there sooner, but also was glad to have a last few moments to think things over.

He fiddled with the hem of his t-shirt. He'd spent an inordinate amount of time deciding which one to wear and what to pack. Roxy would probably make fun of him for that – she already made fun of him for everything else. He considered texting her again but rejected the idea. He was almost there.

Fuck, he could actually see it. The trees, the frog temple Jake was always talking about (Dirk was a little surprised to see that it really existed; he'd always found the whole thing just a little too weird, but then again, he'd thought that for most of what Jake said), that humongous house and the spire with the ball at the top. His mind stuttered, trying to take in everything and remember every detail but also trying not to, to calm himself down. He was clutching his armrest tight.

There he was. Jake. Smiling and waving.

Fuck.

The plane touched down and his body did strange things.

The landing was bumpy due to the lack of a runway, but the plane was small and there was apparently enough space. Dirk watched silently, waiting for it to stop completely.

Eventually, the motor quieted. Dirk breathed out. He stood up, walking through the door and into the cockpit, and thanked the pilot, reminding him to be here a week later. He'd be receiving a very substantial payment from Dirk's bro's bank balance before long, and the nod he gave Dirk showed how eager he was to receive it. Satisfied, Dirk returned to the main body of the plane.

Okay. Which bags should he take?

...goddammit, this was stupid.

He shook his head. No. He'd just spent twenty seven goddamn hours thinking about this, plus all the time at home getting ready. He was not going to obsess over it.

He grabbed his backpack and one of his luggage bags and strode towards the door firmly, pushing it open. Immediately he narrowed his eyes, the sun bright even through his shades, and winced at the wave of heat and humidity – it had been pleasantly cool in the plane.

“Dirk!”

Fuck.

He paused, seeing Jake in front of him on the sand. His dark skin, tanned further by time spent outdoors. Freckles over his cheeks and shoulders. The collars of his shirt, the skull on his t-shirt. Messy black hair sticking up in a way that didn't seem physically possible. Grinning up at him that same grin he'd seen time and time again in videochats but here, now.

He allowed himself a small smile and a nod, and Jake grinned wider, laughing.

He felt different face to face like this. Dirk had always had the odd sort of impression that Jake wasn't the kind of person you could understand completely over a computer, and it seemed his idea had been right. You could tell as soon as you looked at him that this wasn't a guy made for text – he was far too biological for that. He was as far from a robot as it was possible to get. Which was maybe a strange thing for Dirk to think highly of, but hey, he could appreciate both extremes, right?

Or maybe he was just hot and Dirk was overthinking this.

He walked down the steps, eyes locked. “Hey,” he said finally.

Either way, in an instant all of Dirk's tiredness and worry seemed to melt away. He was here and Jake was here. It was hard for that to go wrong.

Jake didn't waste any time, rushing forward and throwing his arms around Dirk in a hug. “Gosh it's really friggin' good to see you, mate!” he said with feeling, and holy shit that accent was every bit as ridiculous in real life as it looked on the screen, possibly even more. He was very warm, his arms firm, and Dirk struggled with the bags a little but only managed to free one and put it around Jake.

But Jake misinterpreted. “Oh by golly fuck those bags must be heavy! Here-”

“What? No, it's not like-” But then Jake had already grabbed the luggage and – okay, it looked like it barely weighed anything when he did it. Okay. That was. Actually also kind of hot.

Huh.

“I'll just get the rest, then,” Dirk said, gesturing to the plane, and Jake nodded.

He walked back and forth, taking the rest out. He'd expected to have to make multiple trips, but Jake was apparently okay to take most of them. Dirk had to admit that this unprecedented display of strength was more than a little intimidating.

“Wow, you weren't kidding when you threatened to pack your house...”

“Somehow I think even you would have trouble carrying a house.”

“Couldn't this all have gone into your sylladex?”

“I put as much in as possible but the Tech-Hop Modus isn't really the best for carrying lots of junk. It's a bit more sophisticated than that.”

Jake rolled his eyes. “Well, let's get going then, shall we?”

He had to admit, the island was actually pretty fucking spectacular. Before them lay clear rolling fields thickening into jungle further up. Strange albino animals wandered across, ranging from tiny insects to giant monstrosities that Dirk couldn't quite believe complied with the laws of physics. No wonder Jake was walking quickly. But all danger aside, it was a pretty transfixing sight. He was certainly damn sure he'd never seen any animal like this before, not on a screen and certainly not in real life. He wasn't even into biology and he was half tempted to track some of them down and just study them.

A strange cat-like thing with two mouths passed nearby, while a group of things roughly resembling rams grazed in the tall grass. It was like they'd landed on some alien planet. He shot a glance at Jake – no, apparently this was all normal for him.

The island itself was interesting as well, all dramatic cliffs and small mountains. Exactly what you'd think of if asked to describe a tropical island, really. Dirk wasn't normally one inclined towards poetic thoughts or meditative contemplation of nature or shit like that, but it was certainly aesthetically pleasing, that was for sure.

The house was pretty far away – all the way up at the top of some giant hill. Who the fuck had thought that was a good idea? Not that Jake probably often had reason to leave, anyway, though. At least there was a path.

“So how've things been?”

“Dude, you know. We just talked...fuck, I have no idea how long ago.”

Jake turned, raising an eyebrow. “You sound tired.”

“No shit, I just sat through a 27-hour-long plane ride.” He shook his head. “It's fine, though.”

“I guess you couldn't sleep on the plane... that _is_ pretty hard.” Jake tilted his head to one side. “I suppose I'll have to wait before cashing in your promise to wrestle with me!”

“I thought it was a duel.”

“It is both a duel and a wrestle. A wrestleduel. A duelwrestle. A duewrlestlel.” Jake spluttered, and Dirk chuckled.

“Don't hurt yourself. And yeah, that might be a good idea. Then again, it might help to make it more fair if I'm sleep-deprived.”

Jake rolled his eyes theatrically. “You wish, Strider. No, we're not going to be squaring off one on one until we are both fighting fit! No compromises, and I expect none from you, either!”

“Of course.”

“Hmmm...” Jake suddenly grinned, pausing walking long enough to look Dirk straight on. “I was planning to wait a while before getting to this, but I can't think of a better opportunity!”

“What?” For reasons he couldn't quite begin to explain, Dirk's stomach began to sink. All he knew was that that smile meant trouble.

Jake looked downright victorious, puffing out his chest like some fucking overblown bird douchebag. “We are going to have a marathon!”

“...a marathon?” Of – oh fuck. “Oh _hell_ no.”

“Hell _yes_ ,” Jake repeated, smiling growing wider. “ _Hell fucking yes_.”

“No. No we are not.”

“Oh, come on. There are so many you haven't seen yet!” Jake whined, turning around and striding forward again. Hastily, Dirk followed, stumbling slightly over a rock as they began to ascend. “Didn't I always promise you I'd show you them all someday?”

“I thought you were joking. Exaggerating. We're not seriously watching them _all_.”

“Well, not all of them. By god man, that would take days! No, much longer! Certainly more time than we have to spare this week. But that's all the more reason to do it properly, right?”

“Fuck.”

“What was the last one? Arnie King Returns, I think? Yes, that will make an excellent starting point...”

Dirk groaned; Jake laughed.

The house was just as impressive, and more cluttered than Dirk could possibly have imagined.

“Jesus, what is all this stuff?” Dirk muttered, slowing down to catch his breath under the guise of looking at a painting of some weird crab-like creature.

“Oh, my grandma had all sorts of interests! Science, botany, fauna of all kinds - she just loved to collect all this stuff!”

“I can see...” Dirk veered around a large and someone unnerving statue of an anthromorphic dog. Yeah, he wasn't gonna think about that.

“Didn't you say your brother is the same?”

“I don't think a Strider and an English could ever be deemed the _same_ ,” Dirk said as they travelled through a room that had clearly become overrun with vegetable plants at some point in its long history. Stepping over an unfeasibly large tomato, he added, “but yeah, he has some weird interests of his own. Old movies and stuff, mostly.”

“That's right!” Jake said emphatically, nonchalantly ducking under a large vine covered in grapes. “Good man, good man. I can appreciate that. What sort?”

“Crap ones, mostly. Well, _entirely_. And he had this weird obsession with Con Air.”

“Oh really? Yes, that was a good one! Always love a good Cage flick! The ending made me cry when I was a kid...” Jake chuckled.

“Please tell me you're not going to force me to watch it. I've already seen it, anyway.” The next room was filled with books of all kinds, ranging from tomes so decrepit they almost seemed to dissolve before your eyes to discs tucked in between or piled up in stacks. He wondered how old Jake had been when she had died.

“Hmmm... it is tempting! But no, we have plenty of other movies to be getting along with, so I suppose we can skip that one.”

They reached a tall room with two sets of stairs on either side; even this room was filled with various vials and jugs containing all kids of dangerous-looking liquid. Dirk glared at the stairs, eyes narrowed.

“Are we gonna have to walk up these? Because I told you about stairs, bro.”

“I told you, dog,” Jake said with enthusiasm, and for a minute he sounded so much like some weird old guy trying to sound cool Dirk almost laughed aloud. Inwardly he resolved to subtly make Jake repeat as many of his brother's idiotic phrases as he could this week. “But no, for we have this handy gadget right here!” Jake stepped onto the center platform, and in a second he had disappeared with a flash of green light.

Dirk raised his eyebrows. Well, that was convenient. He followed, and soon they reached the top. Up a set of stairs, and there they were – Jake's room.

It was...well, just as he had expected. In fact, it was even more Jake than he had envisioned it – movie posters covering every inch of wallspace, comic books all over the place, guns lined up along the walls. It was pretty small, made even more cramped with the two beds and a couch and coffee table that Jake had probably brought up just for him. (Wait, that would involve dragging them up the stairs and – no, never mind, Jake could probably do that anyway. Apparently.) Even with everything pushed to one side it was a tight fit.

“They're unloaded,” Jake said, noticing Dirk's line of sight. Dirk rolled his eyes, but inwardly thanked Jake for not being a total idiot _all_ of the time.

“That second bed on the right there's yours, I brought it up yesterday. The toilet's in the room just below and to the left. Er, if you go down the stairs, and you're facing the wall, then it's to the left... Well, I'm sure you'll work it out.” Jake spun around, clapping his hands. “So! What do you think?”

Dirk considered his answer. “It's pretty rad,” he said honestly.

Jake grinned widely – that same intoxicating grin he always seemed to wear. Or every time Dirk saw him, anyway. “Well! How about you get your stuff ready and I'll set up the telly?”

Dirk nodded, turning to his bags immediately. Most of it was probably unnecessary – okay, he might have been a little paranoid to envision Jake living in some single room in a cave somewhere, but it wasn't like Jake hadn't given him enough to worry about. It seemed like the house had most of what he'd need apart from obvious necessities like changes of clothes, edible food, and soap.

First things first – he unpacked Cal. Ahh, Cal. It had felt more than a little cruel to keep him cooped up in there for so long. He took him out, flashstepping him over by the bed out of habit.

“GAH!” Jake suddenly fell over, resting on his hands, staring at the beds. “What the bleeding shit was that?!”

“Huh?” Dirk flashstepped over again to pick up Cal and Jake let out a rather undignified squawking noise. “This is Lil' Cal.”

Jake stared. “ _You_ did that?!”

“…well, yeah.” Dirk shrugged, flashstepping over to the door and back to demonstrate. “I told you I could, didn’t I?”

Jake adjusted his glasses, shaking his head. “I thought perhaps that was just another of your boasts, like your stupid stories about your swords.”

“What boasts? That was the truth.” He looked him straight in the eyes, drawing upon all of his vital reserves of pokerface energy. Years of training with his bro had prepared him for moments like these. “Dude, my bro and I spent, like, a month in the  _tsundere_  mountains. We camped out every night and hunted mountain lions for food. I thought you of all people would understand what that’s like.”

Jake glared at him, then smiled, all hint of suspicion or jealousy fading away in seconds. “Well I must say that it’s very impressive!”

Dirk shrugged a little, straightening slightly. “Well, bro's pretty good as well.” Not that he could resist flashstepping Lil’ Cal’s cap onto Jake’s head. He was only human.

“Eh-” Jake pulled the hat off as soon as he felt the weight and threw it violently at Dirk; it went flat and fluttered slowly to the floor between them within seconds.

Jake’s eye twitched. “Well. You might be fast, but let’s see-“ he took his guns out of his sylladex but then stopped. “Wh-“

Dirk twirled the handle nonchalantly. “You were saying?”

“Oh, will you just shut up already,” Jake complained, but he was smiling, and Dirk returned the pistols with a slight smirk.

“Thanks, bro.” He turned to Lil’ Cal and opened his mouth but flinched. “That’s – Lil’ Cal, then.”

“Yep.” Dirk made Lil’ Cal sit up on the bed and Jake flinched again. “What?”

Jake raised an eyebrow, then narrowed his eyes, then tilted his head to one side. “…it looks weird. And creepy.”

“What? No man, Lil’ Cal is the shit,” Dirk said, somewhat affronted. He made an unconscious step towards him.

“Seriously?”

“Uh, yeah.”

Jake scratched his cheek. “Is this another one of those dadblasted complicated irony things you do?”

“Well, duh.” Jake relaxed. “That’s the whole point. It’s such a high level of irony that it actually wraps around to sincerity. A few times, in fact. It’s very complex.”

“That sounds a lot like actual sincerity.”

“That’s the point.” Dirk nodded wisely. “The best irony always comes across indistinguishable from actual sincerity. Have you ever heard of Poe’s Law?”

“…so you don’t actually think he’s awesome.”

“He  _is_  awesome,” Dirk insisted, picking Lil’ Cal up. Why was Jake not getting this? Jesus, he could not be explaining more clearly.

Jake shook his head, frowning. “I don't think I understand!”

Dirk pursed his lips. Already the explanation was coming to him, as easily as if he'd rehearsed it, but Jake's doubtful expression stopped him. “It's fine.” He turned, going back to his bags to unpack more of his things.

Clothes, games, food – he sorted through them slowly, Lil' Cal still sitting happily on the bed. Lil' Cal was always happy. 

After a few minutes Jake left down the stairs. He returned soon later, arms full of candy and popcorn. “All right! We're ready, then!”

Dirk nodded, turning around and... “Uh...where's the TV?”

Jake shook his head. “Oh, no! What I have is much better!” Jake dropped the food onto the coffee table, sitting on the couch. Hesitantly, Dirk followed, sitting beside him and looking forward in the direction Jake was. He couldn't see anything. He was just going to ask again when Jake held out a controller and pressed a button and _holy goddamn shit-_

It was like the whole room just fell away, replaced by a black void except for a huge holohraphic projection of what was unmistakably Arnie King Returns' title screen. He blinked, removing his shades and looking aside to Jake. He was grinning widely, expectantly.

“Pretty cool.”

Jake wilted. “Come on. Surely it's better than that?”

It actually was. Dirk certainly wasn't low on money and never really had been, but Jake had apparently been putting better use to his. Or was this his grandma's doing? Who knew. In any case, if this was how Jake watched movies, it was actually kind of understandable why he was so obsessed with them.

He shrugged.

Jake narrowed his eyes. “Are you still upset about me not liking your puppet?”

“He's not just a _puppet_ ,” Dirk muttered. Of course Jake would just outright ask. The boy had no subtlety whatsoever.

“Then what is it? Please enlighten me, because I don't understand.” For a moment, Jake looked almost frighteningly intense, and Dirk realised with some surprise that he honestly wanted to know. He wasn't sure why this was news to him – he'd known Jake since they were both eleven, after all, and he'd known Jane and Roxy for even longer – but apparently it was.

It was a little odd. With most other people he'd just say it, almost challengingly. Because he didn't give a shit what they thought, and if they thought he was crazy for it, well, all the better for him. But he wasn't crazy and it wasn't weird or anything, and maybe he actually sort of did want Jake to know some things about himself. Things he had carefully apportioned and deliberately distributed to him, at any rate.

“He's my friend.”

Jake stared at him. “What?”

Dirk nodded. “He used to be bro's. I like keeping him around. It's...well. Useful to have a friend actually, y'know, physically nearby.”

Jake continued to stare. Instinctively, Dirk narrowed his eyes.

Then Jake snorted. Then chuckled.

“What?”

Jake continued to chuckle – no, not chuckle, giggle. “I'm – I'm sorry, but that's really, really cute.”

Dirk's mouth contorted itself into a strange an unlikely variety of shapes. Jake laughed even harder. “I am not _cute_.”

“You consider a puppet your friend. That's either cute or really bloody weird, dude.”

“I'll take weird.”

“Too late! I've already decided it's cute. It's ruddy god-fucking adorable.”

Dirk glared at him hatefully. Jake downright gaffawed. It was not even slightly attractive.

“I thought we had a movie to watch?”

“Right!” Jake pressed the play button immediately, practically beaming in anticipation.

The movie began. Unfortunately, it was exactly as stupid as he'd expected. From the moment it started Dirk couldn't help pointing out the plot holes and logical fallacies. Fortunately, as expected, Jake wasn't the sort to despise people talking through movies, and seemed honestly just pleased that Dirk wanted to talk about it at all, even to criticise it. For all his shameless fanboying he was surprisingly ready to admit when something didn't make sense and would often join Dirk in mocking it. And...well. It was actually pretty fun, even if the movie was still crap.

Plus, it was all very interesting from a sociological point of view. Maybe Jake was onto something and it would serve him well to bone up on his film-based pop culture.

“Oh my god, what even the fuck.”

“What? No, no, don't talk here, this is-”

“Don't tell me you're enjoying this. It makes no sense whatsoever! This whole movie they've been beating us over the head that this guy won't stop at anything to win, and then all of a sudden he just gives up as soon as the hero points a gun at him?”

“It's called strategy, Dirk, seriously-”

“He has a fucking button to call every soldier in the country at his command! It's right there in his pocket!”

“I thought they destroyed that earlier?”

“No, they destroyed the other button, the one that explodes the bridge.”

“I thought it was the same button?”

“It wasn't, he put them both out in the second scene!”

Jake paused. He pursed his lips. “Maybe that was a different button?”

“Oh, for fuck's sake – and what the shit is this girl doing? She's hated him the whole movie, and now she suddenly wants to jump him just 'cause he saved her?”

“He's a hero! Girls like that.”

“'Girls' don't like anything. They are human beings just like you and me and are perfectly sensible. And they don't just change their minds about a guy who's been harrassing them for days just – the _fuck_.”

“Ooh, I love this bit!”

“Why did he jump out of the window? There was a door, like, right there.”

“It looked cool.”

“It looked painful.”

“You have no imagination.”

“I have plenty of imagination. A far better imagination than these writers, clearly.”

Jake's eyes sparkled challengingly. “Why Mr. Strider, that sounded awfully like thrown-down gauntlet, there.”

“I assure you, _Mr. English_ , that it most certainly wasn't.”

“No, seriously!” Jake said, forgetting about the movie momentarily and turning fully to Dirk. “It's actually a pretty great idea – we could write our own script and act it out and make it ourselves – I'm sure you have some fancy-pants editing thing on your computer or whatever – and maybe even the girls could get involved as well, maybe filming some extra scenes just of them or doing music or something – that is, if you don't want to do the music yourself!”

Dirk raised his eyebrows; watching Jake as he got steadily more excited was far more interesting than this shitfest of a movie.

“It'd be an action movie of course – ahh, but it would have elements from all kinds of genres: comedy, horror, romance, drama-”

“Romance?”

“Y-” Jake paused, faltering. “...well whatever. But it would be really original! It'd be a movie of movies, referencing all kinds of films through time! And not just really famous ones as well – all movies, big or small, from the movies that change worlds to the movies that only one or two people ever even see but which still deserve recognition! Like one massive tribute to the entire industry!”

Dirk remembered the bowl of popcorn on the table and rested it on his lap, throwing a piece into his mouth. Jake didn't hesitate for a moment.

“Yes – and not just in plot or characters as well, but in everything! Music, sound effects, setting – I'm sure we could dress up some of the rooms here for sets! That'd do for plots as well – I guess we haven't much in way of costuming but that's never really all that important anyway. Actually, I'm assuming there's a camera down there somewhere – it'd be better with a good one, but in a pinch I suppose we could just use a phone or something. It'd be shaky, but there'd be an odd sort of charm about it, don't you think? True amateur cinema!”

Dirk took another bite, crunching loudly.

“Oh yes, I can see it now – just you and me trekking through the wilderness together, bringing food with us and camping out each night, stopping every day to shoot scenes and editing them together at night – doesn't it just sound perfect?!”

Dirk waited. Jake waited.

“The movie's done.”

“Ah, right!” Immediately Jake leapt off the couch to scrounge around for the next DVD. Dirk raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. It seemed even Jake was even more Jake than he'd expected. 

“Oh, this one's a classic – I think you said you didn't watch it a couple of years ago? Yes, when we were having that conversation about sport! I know you don't know anything about cricket but it's really not necessary, it's still a really amazing movie!”

This movie, too, was bearable, albeit with extensive commentary on both boys' parts. The next movie was even actually rather good, though admitting it might have been a mistake because the light in Jake's eyes when he did so was more than a little foreboding. The next movie was...well, different, anyway, the one after that crap, the one after might have been good but it was hard to tell at this point, and after that Dirk didn't even bother trying to distinguish between one movie and the next anymore, contenting himself with leaning back and watching the pictures move.

His eyes were getting heavy – all the excitement from meeting Jake had pushed his tiredness to the back of his mind but now it returned in full force. He resisted at first but as the film went on and Jake appeared happy to keep watching, he let it happen.

It was surprisingly comfortable sitting here, leaning against the arm. He was sure Jake was aware he was half-asleep by now, but apparently, that was ok, too.

He breathed out.

*

Consciousness returned dully, but quickly. Still another movie playing. He shifted, sitting up and blinking his eyes open. The darkness was more than a little disorienting.

“What time is it?”

“Five o'clock. You've only been asleep for two hours, so don't worry – I expect you'll get to bed fine tonight.”

Dirk stretched his arms then rubbed his eyes. He did feel much better now, thought it did feel pretty weird that nothing seemed to have changed in the time he was asleep.

Jake was still sitting beside him, watching the movie avidly. Half-eaten food was strewn over the table; Dirk wondered what they'd do for dinner, if anything.

It was a romantic comedy this time, apparently. From the looks of it, it had only just started – the girl was going on about how amazing the guy was, so clearly they hadn't had the requisite conflict and split yet. One of the other characters said something so incredibly transparent that Dirk automatically made a sarcastic comment mentally, but somehow he didn't really feel in the mood to voice it aloud.

Maybe it was the weirdness of the whole situation just now hitting him, or maybe it was because he'd just woken up, but he felt oddly sensitive all of a sudden. His skin prickled, twitching at the slightest pressure, and his chest felt heavy. There was something warm there, warm and oddly sickly, like one of Jane's overly sweetened puddings and in the haze of darkness and awkwardness and grumpiness it actually wasn't all that pleasant.

The girl in the movie was loud and passionate and 'feisty'; the guy was flirty and challenging. In other words, they were both dickheads who probably deserved each other. He had never entirely understood exactly what was so romantic about this plotline that almost every single romantic story he'd ever come across (read: very few, quite deliberately) went this way, but he'd never really understood much about romance altogether.

But he had to admit the girl wasn't entirely unattractive. She was charming and confident and even he would agree that she was pleasant to look at, even if he didn't at all want to sleep with her. When she tossed her long brown hair and her blue eyes shined Dirk wondered whether this was what Jake liked. She might not be blue, maybe, but he must have other qualities he found attractive. He was so confident in that one thing, it was a little impossible to believe he didn't have some sort of type.

He chanced a look; Jake was watching even more intently than usual, if possible, eyes narrowed. If he didn't know better Dirk would almost think he looked thoughtful. Uneasily, he turned back to the movie, hoping this wouldn't end up in some sort of big discussion.

The film wasn't as bad as he expected, actually. The characters called each other out on their idiocy and actually had some genuinely cute moments together. But maybe that was just because Jake was beside him and the weight in his chest was rapidly becoming hotter and hotter, sending goosebumps down his arms. Fuck, this was weird. Maybe he should take a pill or something? Or go back to sleep?

The movie drew to a close on the happy couple's kiss and Dirk waited for Jake to replace it with another movie, glad this whole thing was over. But the credits continued to roll and still Jake didn't move. Dirk glanced at him again and immediately wished he hadn't, for the look of utter serious contemplation sent warning signals through pretty much everything ever.

“Have you ever kissed a bloke before?”

Several long seconds passed before Dirk was even capable of understanding that question. His whole body seemed to jump slightly, all his muscles squeezing in unison; his stomach twisted in a way that made him feel downright nauseous.

What the _fucking fuck_.

Once it returned consciousness Dirk's brain immediately whirred into action; unfortunately, its focus was rather skewed. _Don't wait too long,_ he thought, _if you wait a long time it looks suspicious._ But then he thought, _no, this is a fucking serious thing here, I can't just say whatever. I need to think about this._ And then he realised that he was spending more time thinking about how long to think about the question than could even be justified thinking about the question in the first place, which made him wonder whether he might as well think about the question now anyway since he had already kept Jake waiting regardless, and ok maybe he was panicking.

The credits were still running and with with the black background it was as though nothing existed in the world but Jake, the couch, and the table in front of them. The cheery music seemed to echo forever.

“No,” he said shortly. “Why?”

Jake shrugged casually and Dirk wondered whether he really hadn't picked up on Dirk's reaction. How long had he waited? Fuck, for all he knew the computations had happened in an instant; that sort of thing had happened to him before. Or he had sat there for five minutes and Jake was being polite. He genuinely had no idea and that did not help his heart rate at all.

“Oh, you know, adventurous guy like me wonders about all that...”

Dirk's eye twitched. Was he dreaming? This was not fucking sexy. Just a few hours ago things had been great but everything was suddenly terrible and Dirk did not understand anything at all anymore.

Why was Jake licking his lips. Dirk wanted to punch him a little, then a lot.

“And...” Jake shifted, avoiding Dirk's eyes; Dirk's eye twitched again. “Well...it's not as though I have a lot of opportunities to try it out...”

His body was doing things that no body should be able to do. His arms felt hot. There was a sharp pain in his foot. It was as though someone had shoved his brain into a blender and then plugged that into him, expecting him to get some sort of physical action or coherent thought from it.

This seemed like the sort of statement he could spend time thinking on. He deliberately thought it to himself, too: 'all right, brain, think away.' But nothing came. He shivered. At some point the bus he was driving had crashed through a wall. Which was bad, only then it just kept crashing through walls, and Dirk had no idea how to make it stop. Crash crash crash crash.

He licked his lips. He looked at the movie – finally, the title screen had returned, playing the same 30-second-long song snippet over and over. Strangely, the repetition almost seemed to help, calming his thoughts. At least this was something he could fucking count on _fucking fuck oh shit._

He had so many questions and he had absolutely no idea what to do with them. He had absolutely no idea what to do with anything.

This? This was an utterly terrible idea for every single reason ever. Ever since he and Jake first interacted online, he had always known deep down, subconsciously or otherwise, that it could never happen. It wasn't something he sort of believed but wished otherwise, it was a singular fact about the universe. He might like to daydream otherwise, but those daydreams were as impossible as imagining that he was a fucking samurai or a goddamned superhero or something. The question was not whether Jake would respond favourably to Dirk's inevitable confession, it was how unfavourably he would respond.

But that wasn't the main thing. That was the thing overwhelming Dirk's senses and choking him because this was coming out of motherfucking _nowhere_ , but that wasn't the main reason not to do this. The main reason was that he was goddamn in love with him and yeah, actually kind of already aware he was into guys, and pretending otherwise on either of these things couldn't really constitute anything other than lying to Jake.

Jake was happy to fool around with Dirk believing that Dirk was in exactly the same position he was. Would he be so happy if he knew the truth?

“It seems,” he said finally, even managing a chuckle (albeit one that sounded high-pitched even to his ears), “that there is an 87.1% probability that you are propositioning me, English. Are you propositioning me?”

“Er, well,” Jake said, and fuck him but all of a sudden Jake looked almost as flustered as Dirk had felt just then; he blushed, running a hand through his hair. “Haha, sorry, that probably came out sounding a little weird! I just-”

“Wait.” _Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck._

The bus crashed through a final wall, fell three storeys into a basement and killed seven people on impact.

He thought about it. He licked his lips again. He stared at the title, unseeing. He didn't think about it, actually, but he felt that at least waiting a few seconds would be better than not at all. He gripped the sofa under his fingers, suddenly aware that in this void he had no proper conception of up or down. He felt like he was sitting on some heaving boat that was screwing with his center of gravity.

Then he thought something. He thought, 'Jake wants to make out with me.'

His body did slightly more familiar things, if in ways involving rather more twisting and anxiety than ever before.

“I didn't say no,” he said finally, letting the words roll deep from his tongue.

A silence, strained.

He was a fucking really terrible person. He actually literally seriously was.

“Oh!” Jake said, sounding almost comedically relieved. “Well then! That's jolly good then, wouldn't you say!” Then he was shifting closer and wait fuck what. “So shall we?”

“W-now?”

Jake nodded, shrugging cheerfully. “No time like the present!”

He felt like he'd been watching a movie and had gotten lost in thought and when he came back to earth, something completely different was playing. He'd accuse Jake of stopping and changing it for another film halfway through, but what would be the point of him doing that? He didn't recognise these characters, he had no idea what was going on, and his brain was scrambling to justify that. _This must be a really mind screwy movie_ , he would think. _There's no way I'd be so confused otherwise._ But this wasn't a movie, this was real life, and jesus pretending he knew what was going on here was so much more fucking difficult.

Dirk let out a sharp breath in something that could possibly be interpreted as a snort. What the fuck, it wasn't like he couldn't handle this. He could do it. He hadn't been lying when he'd said he'd never kissed a guy before, but it wasn't like he didn't know what to do or anything. And this was just Jake. It wasn't as though he was the first guy to kiss someone he had a crush on.

He'd just...wing it. Not normally his style, but it wasn't like he had any other fuckin' choice here.

“All right,” he said slowly, turning in his seat, feeling a bit dizzy at the surreality of it all. Here he was, in some void lit only by the title screen for a shitty romance movie, about to make out with Jake on his sofa. That didn't sound very Hollywood. Something indie, maybe. Jake would still watch it, probably.

“Ok,” Jake murmured, shuffling forward and then taking his glasses off and placing them on the table. He looked different without them, in a way Dirk didn't presently have the brainpower to explore. Jake put a hand on Dirk's knee and Dirk put a hand on his arm.

Jake was taller than him, a little. He'd never noticed that before. His eyelashes curved with his eyes, an oddly elegant touch to such a boisterous person. He liked the contrast.

Jake breathed out and leaned in.

At first nothing changed – it was weird and confusing and not all that good. There were lips and Jake was kind of holding him tightly and Jake kept pushing against him but Dirk, trying to get ahold of the situation, was instinctively moving back, until Jake was almost leaning over him. Jake's eyes were squeezed shut with the expression of one who was concentrating intensely, and Dirk could tell that he was thinking about this as much as Dirk.

No. No, he wasn't going to think about this, or what it meant, or if Jake would enjoy it, or anything. He was done. He was groggy from sleep and weirded out about everything and he was fucking kissing Jake, and if that wasn't an opportunity to shut his mind off for a little while, nothing was.

And...it did.

His eyes fluttered closed. He caught his breath, gaining a rhythm. His other hand came to Jake's side and he returned the pressure, licking at Jake's lips and pushing in. Jake made an odd, surprised little gravelly grunt to that which was very nice, actually, and Dirk pushed forwards, tightening his hands around Jake.

And, well...Dirk _hadn't_ kissed a guy before. Neither, obviously, had Jake. He was a bit too eager, too forward, too fast. Dirk was too removed, too hesitant, and then too challenging. He plunged his tongue into Jake's mouth and Jake chuckled a little, almost, pulling Dirk to him and kissing him in earnest. He made a particular movement with his tongue against the tip of Dirk's and Dirk let out a quiet breath, and then Jake actually paused for a moment before almost rolling into Dirk's mouth, pouring himself into him.

It was _fucking amazing._

Jake's hand was exerting more and more force on Dirk's knee as he leant his weight onto him, accidentally pushing it away from him, outwards. Jake was big and heavy and very, very masculine; Dirk could feel the slight texture of stubble around his mouth and it was a little scary how hot that was. He sucked at Jake's mouth, holding his tongue between his lips, then broke away to press his teeth into Jake's bottom lip, just slightly, just to test it out.

Jake broke away just enough to see him. He swallowed visibly – how much of Dirk was in that? Their breaths intermingled and Jake absent-mindedly rubbed his thumb across Dirk's thigh, just above the knee.

Jake's eyes was wide, his pupils dilated. “Wow.”

Dirk nodded. Jake's lips were very very red. His chest was moving up and down beneath his shirt as he breathed.

“I say,” Jake said, his eyes flickering, and there was that, too – there was nothing separating them, no computer screen, not even any glasses. Dirk wanted to kiss him again. “I would rather say that that was a success!”

Dirk nodded again. If he were thinking he would probably be concerned by the fact that he had not yet managed to get his brain working again, but to do that would, paradoxically, require him to be capable of processing anything more complicated than basic sensory experiences. His arms felt hot again, though now it was a much more generalised sort of hotness, which for some reason felt better.

Jake made an odd half snorting sort of thing. His eyes were brimming with curiosity. “Would I be correct to say that?”

“Yes.”

This time Jake actually did snort, which really wasn't a nice thing to encounter so close like that. Probably. Usually. “Well...I suppose I would not be opposed to trying that out again!”

Dirk nodded, mental processes slowly, thankfully, frighteningly returning. “I guess so.”

“Is that a yes?”

Dirk rolled his eyes. “The fuck do you think.”

Jake smiled, a little small, a little mischievous. Dirk's entire internal organ system felt like it was in a blender. This was not a good thing.

And then they were kissing again and his mind went blank and he thought, then again, he _had_ been wrong before.

*

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 21:09

TG: sooooooo hows it goin??   
TT: He just made me sit through fifteen hours of movies.  
TT: Kill me now.   
TG: Omg lol  
TG: you actaully wernet expecting that??   
TT: I had expected some, yes.  
TT: I admit that fifteen hours is somewhat outside of my predictions. A statistical outlier.   
TG: hahahaha u were just soooo excitde to see him u didn't even think of that right??  
TG: lol so cute   
TT: Admittedly, I was asleep for some of the time period.   
TG: on his shoulder???   
TT: No.   
TG: omg come on dirk its just the 2 of u there  
TG: all alone  
TG: on some denserntd ilsand  
TG: soooooo romantic *won*  
TG: *wonk   
TT: You're imagining things.   
TG: ughhhhhh  
TG: well its not like i can actually be there mself can i!!  
TG: leave me my fantasies sheesh   
TT: When said fantasies involve me, I think I'm well within my rights to ask you to refrain.   
TG: too late  
TG: already thought o it   
TT: I'd have preferred it if you could come, too.   
TG: well duh  
TG: jfc I srsly cant believe it  
TG: i'm all like 'omfg whee happy cool times w/ bffsiez 4everz FINALLY'  
TG: and mom is all like 'OMG NO WE HAF BOOK TOUR GRGR GR'  
TG: and like she knowsits not cause I dont care or w/e I just rly wanna see my friends!  
TG: but nooooooooo  
TG: bluh blu huge witch   
TT: I'm sure this is just some very misguided attempt at daughterly affection.   
TG: i knooooow  
TG: guess i cant rly blame her  
TG: well i CAN but istill get it   
TT: I guess our best option at this point is that 'immersive reality' game Jane is so excited about.   
TG: guess so  
TG: but  
TG: idk   
TT: What?   
TG: just knda have a bad feeling about it  
TG: nt sure why   
TT: What do you mean?   
TG: idk!  
TG: just it seems kinda...........spicious?  
TG: *suspicious   
TT: How on earth could a game be suspicious?  
TT: It's a game. You buy it. You play it. That's it.  
TT: I understand if you think it'll be crap, but this just doesn't make sense.   
TG: I know I know iknow never mind!   
TT: You're starting to sound like Jake.  
TT: Is this game part of some big conspiracy undertaken by an evil fuckin' emperor attempting to take over the world?   
TG: omg nvr mind  
TG: im not THAT bad   
TT: Then I don't get it.  
TT: Besides, it'll be worth it to meet up all together, right?   
TG: yeah  
TG: yah it rly will   
TT: And I feel the same.  
TT: As do Jane and Jake.   
TG: ya  
TG: omg  
TG: wen did this conversatn get all sappy  
TG: speaking of sappiness  
TG: lets get bak to Jake mmkay!   
TT: What about him?   
TG: well obvs i wanna know!!   
TT: Know what?   
TG: um  
TG: like  
TG: everything??  
TG: is he hotter in prson  
TG: if thats even possible lol   
TT: You know what he looks like.   
TG: yeah but  
TG: only his face  
TG: wonk wink wonk wonk wonk   
TT: I'm going to talk to Jane now.   
TG: u r such a panty popper!!  
TG: *omgf hahahaha  
TG: *party pooper  
TG: *no wait

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]


	2. Day Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is late! I estimated it would be up Saturday because that's usually my day off. Well, it wasn't this week, and I didn't have any proper free time until yesterday afternoon. The next chapter should hopefully be up Sunday!

“Rise and shine!”

Dirk didn't dignify such an inane comment with a response. In fact, he didn't even move at all. Yes, he was still asleep. Take that, English.

“I _said_ , rise and shine!”

Dirk stayed stubbornly still, concentrating intently on his breathing so that it didn't waver.

He felt breath against his ear. “I SAID-”

“All right, all right,” he grumbled, letting his brow knit in frustration. He was going to get up. Just in a few seconds. Just a few seconds, and then-

“You know, normally people get out of bed when they wake up.”

“Normally people don't fucking wake up at five in the morning.” It was probably five in the morning.

“It's eight, which is positively _late_ ,” Jake said, tapping his foot against the floor. “I've been awake for a few hours already!”

It was slightly weird to think that Jake had been up and moving around while Dirk just lay there for so long. Had he snored? Wait, hadn't this happened yesterday as well?

“Dirk,” Jake said warningly, and Dirk groaned.

“Look, just...” He rubbed his face, pushing himself up into a sitting position. Slowly his eyes flickered open, caked with sleep and hazy. Jake was already dressed, a bag beside him.

It took a few moments for that to sink in. And fuck him if that wasn't something he'd been feeling a lot of lately.

“What's the bag?”

“That,” Jake declared, hefting it onto his shoulder, “is our equipment!”

Goddammit, he'd definitely be feeling a lot more of it if Jake insisted on being so opaque. “What equipment?”

“For our movie! We'll be travelling around the island so I needed to pack us some food! Plus, we have our props, our cameras-!”

Shit, what? “You remembered that?”

Jake chuckled. “Honestly, I'm a little surprised _you_ remember. You were looking pretty tired even then.”

“Then why did you just say 'equipment' and expect me to understand?”

Jake ignored him. “You'd better get up and get dressed – we have plenty to film!”

“Fine.” He pushed his way out of bed, grabbing one of his bags and making his way to the bathroom.

“Be quick!”

Dirk ignored him.

Forty five minutes later there was a loud knocking at the door. “Jesus, what the friggin' hell are you doing in there?!”

“I had a shower,” Dirk said, running a hand through his hair and watching his reflection.

“So?”

“And I got dressed.”

“And?”

“And I'm doing my hair.” He frowned. It wasn't sticking up right. He attempted to tease it again, wondering whether more gel would help.

“And this is taking longer than five minutes because...?”

“Because it _is_.” And fuck, there was this stray bit of hair that just was not co-operating. He glared at it. Normally he wouldn't bother too much, but...well. This was _Jake_.

Jake groaned. “You are such a _girl_. Just finish already!”

Dirk bristled. “I'm a girl, am I? Am I supposed to take that as an insult? Because, wow, being a girl is so fucking terrible, how offensive is it that you compared me with a girl, jesus, Jake.”

“That's not what I meant!” Jake whined.

Ok, maybe he was being overly paranoid. He was pretty sure Jake was more annoyed by all of this than actually appreciative. But his hair was sticking out wrong and it was irritating the fuck out of him.

He narrowed his eyes at his reflection, leaning over the sink. His arms wobbled a little. He'd gotten used to it yesterday, maybe, a bit, but by the time he woke up this morning he'd forgotten that this was actually kind of difficult. It was just that, well, this whole thing felt rather like he was being tested or something, and he needed to be constantly vigilant, obsessively scrutinizing everything he said or did or Jake said or did or what he could potentially say or do. Because this was meant to be his thing, right? Understanding things; figuring things out. When Jake confused him it felt kind of like his fault. And Jake was definitely confusing him.

He just needed – a moment. To put his thoughts into order.

He wanted Jake to kiss him again. Everything was better when that happened. He wondered whether he would.

Ok he was going to stop thinking about that right now.

He opened the door; Jake was leaning against the wall beside it.

Jake brightened. “Ready?”

Dirk nodded.

“All right!” Jake clapped his hands. “So first we're going to go out and shoot some outdoor scenes, and then we can come back inside and do some indoor ones!”

“Wait.” Already Jake was striding off down the hall and Dirk hurried to keep up with him. Now that he'd woken up, he suddenly realised that Jake's stupid shorts were all bunched up weirdly with some kind of leather thigh holster thing. On one hand, it make him look even more ridiculous than usual. On the other hand, from behind, it actually kind of framed his ass in a distracting way. Dirk tried to ignore it. “What scenes? Do you have a script?”

“I have a few ideas in mind, but I thought it would work better if we improvised a lot of it!” Jake led them back down the stairs but then turned in a different direction, taking them through rooms Dirk hadn't seen before. “Sort of keep it open, just in case we come up with any good ideas later on, you know?”

“...so what's the plot, then?”

Jake shrugged. “We save the world!”

“From what?”

“Not sure. I haven't decided yet!”

Dirk pursed his lips. Jake didn't seem to notice.

They continued walking, taking them through another room. This one was filled with musical instruments of all sorts.

“You play anything?”

Jake chuckled. “Nope! Tried a few, but it's all a bit complicated! Not really my sort of thing.” He stopped in front of a guitar, hesitantly plucking a few strings. “You have to memorise all these hand things. It's actually pretty boring!” 

“Really? I'd've thought solving puzzles would be just your thing.”

“Yeah, but...that's sort of different, isn't it? Not exactly much of a _thrill_ in looking things up on the internet and struggling through 'Mary had a little lamb'.”

“Not about thrills. It's about the challenge, and being able to stand up to it.”

Jake rolled his eyes. “What _ever_. Besides, this sort of thing is more your style, anyway.”

“Why?”

Jake shrugged. “You're more patient than me.”

“Is that your way of telling me I'm boring?”

“Of course not.” Jake frowned, picking up a flute. He put it to his lips and blew into it, but achieved only an unpleasant, loud, strange tone. “Yeah, this, too.”

“I hope you cleaned that.”

“What? Why?”

How was this man still alive. Seriously. _How._

“Well, I prefer making music digitally anyway.”

“Too bad. Ah, not that that's not good! Just it would be kinda cool to watch you play something.”

“I could play you some of the music I've made.” He hoped he didn't say that too fast.

Jake thought. “That'd be awesome! Wouldn't quite be the same, though.” He turned and kept walking. “Anyway, let's not get distracted.”

They walked through the rooms, past another room filled with various animal statues, then one with a bunch of jars filled with – wait.

Dirk stopped. “Huh, that's weird.” He picked one up. Yep, it was a dead frog. And the one next to it was a dead mouse.

“Yeah, this room always freaked me out a little...” Jake shivered.

“No, I mean my bro collects stuff like this as well.”

“What?!” Jake stared around him incredulously. “Why on earth _would_ you?”

“You collect fucking skulls, I don't see what's so much stranger.”

“That's different! They're just old bones. These are actually...animals. Some of them look really gross, too.” He frowned. “Besides, you're even worse. What about all that weird porn you make?”

“That's different. There's sexy-creepy and gross-creepy. Obviously, there's some overlap, but sexy-creepy stems from a very different place. Really, it all just goes down this prudish idea that if it combines a thing we do find sexy with something we don't, it's terrible and hurting us. Stupid, but fun to play around with in idiots. And anyway, there's a difference between, y'know, digital images and actual real life things.”

“...you seriously do just make this shit up half the time, don't you?”

“What? No, never.”

“So that's another irony thing then? It's starting to sound like irony can justify anything.”

Dirk sighed. “It's a bit more complicated than that.”

“Whatever.” Jake pursed his lips, still refusing to go near any of the jars.

Dirk shook his head. “Honestly, I always just figured my bro was trying to creep me out. Had no idea it was a thing people actually _did_. I mean, I'd be willing to chalk it up to irony, but I kinda doubt your grandma was well-versed there.”

“Maybe it's this really big secret hobby thing? Like some shadow organization of people hoarding dead animals or whatever.”

“An organization revolving around dead animal collectors?” Dirk said, raising an eyebrow. “How would that work, then? They control the world's supply of dead animals, monopolizing the dead animal market?”

“I don't know. It definitely sounds shady, though,” Jake said with a firm nod.

“It's probably just a coincidence.” But then he spotted another jar with what looked like a small cat in it, and that triggered something. “Actually... now that I think about it...”

“What?”

Dirk narrowed his eyes. “Roxy has does it, too.”

Jake stared at him. Dirk stared at the cat.

There were times – not many, just every now and then, but times nonetheless – when he really wondered about his friends.

He shook his head, tearing his eyes away. “Let's go.”

“Yeah, I really don't wanna spend any more time here, either.”

Eventually they found the door and exited, traipsing down the winding path to the jungle. The view was actually quite nice up here, even if it was pretty irritating having to walk up and down every time they left the house.

“Are you sure this will be safe? You seemed a little worried yesterday.”

Jake shrugged. “It should be fine as long as we stick to the right areas. And I'm pretty sure we can take care of ourselves.”

Dirk couldn't help himself. “You mean _I_ can take care of us.”

“What?”

“You were worried until you saw how fast I can move. Then you realised I could handle it all fine.”

Jake puffed his cheeks irritable. “No I did _not_. I knew perfectly well that I would be fine, I was just concerned that you wouldn't be able to!”

“Sure, English, sure.” Still, it was kind of a nice thing to think that Jake trusted him. And whatever he claimed, Dirk knew he was right – Jake couldn't handle himself right now. Not yet.

“Anyway,” Jake said insistently, “I thought we could take some establishing shots first.”

“Ok. Where?”

“The view is quite splendid over there!” Jake declared, gesturing towards a nearby hill.

It was indeed quite a nice view from the top – you could see the surrounding hills and the near beach quite well. Jake hummed thoughtfully.

“What?”

“Just wondering which camera to use. I did find a good professional one that seems to work, but I have to admit I've gotten quite attached to the idea of using a cameraphone!”

“Why? Wouldn't that just look really shitty?”

“Yes, but it could be a sort of statement! A rejection of modern technology and obsession with wealth – getting right to the nitty grity necessities, you know?”

“...Jake.” Dirk was heavily resisting the urge to facepalm. “You want to send a message about wealth inequalities and classism.”

“I guess so!”

“You live in a mansion.” Dirk narrowed his eyes. “An actual honest-to-god mansion. One so big and so full of stuff that you just looked around and happened to find a professional camera. You are so rich you have all kinds of technology that shouldn't even exist yet, like that freaky projector we were using, oh, just yesterday? Jake, you live on a _goddamn island_.”

Jake frowned. “Well, all the more reason to-”

“Your best friend is the brother of a famous movie star with more money than he could ever need. One who flew his own private jet to your island. Your other friend is the daughter of a famous author more successful than J.K. Goddamn Rowling, and lives in a mansion of her own.”

“Well-”

“Your other friend is the heir to a company that spans the entire globe and is, if possible, richer than the rest of us. Possibly combined.”

“All the more reason to put myself in the shoes of someone else for a while!”

“By using a cameraphone?!”

“It's a step in the right direction!”

Dirk glared. Jake wilted.

“...if you wanna use it, go ahead,” he said finally. “But...just forget all that other stuff, please?”

Jake smiled, taking out the phone. “All right!”

As he was shooting, a group of animals began to approach. Dirk watched them carefully behind his shades, looking them over.

“Something's coming.”

“What is it?” Jake stopped filming, looking over, suddenly serious. As he peered over, however, he relaxed. “Oh, that's just the tinkerbulls!”

“The – what?”

“The tinkerbulls! You know, like in Peter Pan?”

Dirk stared at him. “...fairies are coming?”

“No! Well, they're sort of like – fairy bulls? They really are lovely, I hoped they'd come by so you could see them!”

“...the fuck.”

“I told you the animals here were weird!”

The group was coming closer and Dirk was forced to admit that they did indeed look like fairy bulls. Weird, strangely-shaped tiny bulls with big noses and butterfly wings. They fluttered over pleasantly, speeding up a little as they approached Jake.

“Haha, nice to see you again, old chaps! Whoa-” A bull butted Jake's stomach and then a bunch were surrounding him, flying around him. Jake laughed. “Haha, yes, yes, it's nice to see you, too!”

A tinkerbull approached Dirk and he uneasily stepped away. Jake was clearly unworried, though, even when the bulls butted at him enough to send him sprawling over onto the grass.

“T-take it easy, you lot!” he complained, petting the head of one nearby.

Dirk pursed his lips. “Hm.”

“Aren't they wonderful? Ah-” He snorted. “St-stop, that tickles!”

“Hm.” Dirk nodded, a thoughtful hand to his chin. “I'm afraid there's only one way to describe this.”

“What?” Jake asked, struggling to hold himself into an upright sitting position.

“Yes, there is definitely only one word that describes this.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Cute.”

Jake paused. Then he laughed. “'Cute', is it? Well, I daresay I deserve that!”

“...huh?”

Jake continued to chuckle. “That certainly came to bite me in the arse, didn't it? But if that is truly the only way to describe it, I will be the first to admit it.”

Dirk frowned. “...uh, ok.”

Jake smirked. “Was I supposed to take that as an insult?”

“What the fuck ever, don't we have a movie to make?”

Jake continued to chuckle to himself as he disentangled from the 'tinkerbulls', picking up the phone and waving them away as they travelled down the hill and into the valley.

“Oh, wait! Perhaps I should-” quickly he fumbled to turn the phone on, filming the leaving crowd of bulls. “There!”

“So what are they gonna do in the movie?”

“No idea! Just thought we might as well get it, just in case!”

“I don't know why I expected anything else.”

“Now you're getting it!” Jake clapped him on the shoulder cheerfully.

They strolled down the hill and onwards, towards another place Jake insisted would give great establishing shots.

“Actually, now that I think about it, where's the brobot? I didn't see it in the case.”

Jake's expression went briefly dark. “Not sure. Probably out there somewhere.”

“Shouldn't it be able to detect where you are?”

“Usually.”

Dirk pursed his lips but said no more.

“I thought you released it in the first place?”

“No, that must have been the autoresponder. He really likes screwing with it for some reason.”

Jake gave him a weird look. “What do you mean?”

“...about what?”

“How can a computer program 'like' something? Is that even possible?”

Dirk shrugged. “That's a complicated question. But although I wouldn't go so far as to claim that he's a being of the same complexity as a human, I believe it does him a disservice to consider him merely a computer program. Yes, his 'thoughts' are driven by electrical signals and impulses, but the same is true of humans as well, when you get right down to it. At any rate, he's clearly shown a capability of acting in ways I had not precedented, and his behaviour is similar enough to a human's in some matters that I think some of these catalysts could be considered under the broad category of 'wants'.”

Jake stared at him. “But...it's a _computer_.”

“Human brains are just extremely complicated computers, aren't they?”

“But that's so depressing!”

“Is it?” Dirk looked back, taking in the house they were leaving behind. It was just so huge actually rather striking surrounded by so much nature.

“Yes.”

“Or you could think about it this way: the fact that humans can achieve so much, can create such a range of things, can gain so much knowledge, despite coming from such humble roots is a testament to our willpower and ability to remake ourselves for the better.” Maybe that was in part what attracted him about robots – it was all about being better, about making them smarter, more agile, more efficient, or even more human. It was a good feeling to work on a project like that.

Jake paused, then shook his head. “No, I still don't really like it. There's got to be more to us than just matter!”

Dirk shrugged. “Suit yourself. I wouldn't expect you to see it any other way, anyway.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” Jake looked at him strangely again, but seemed to accept the answer, continuing onwards without another word on the subject.

After some time, Jake finally decided that they had enough shots of the island. From then, he began to shoot some scenes of himself or, occasionally, Dirk, though if there was a rhyme or reason to any of it Dirk couldn't figure it out.

“Ok, you're up now!”

“All right...” Dirk stood in front of the camera, shrugged. “So, what?”

Jake peered into the screen, tongue between his teeth. “Yeah, just do something...cool.”

“'Cool'.”

“You know! Cool.”

“I'm always cool.”

Jake rolled his eyes. “Yes whatever, prove it!”

“Uh...” Dirk took out his sword. “Something with this?”

“Yes! Yes, that's great!”

Dirk stared. Slowly, he swung it.

Jake was silent. Then, he nodded. “Actually, this scene might work better with both of us.”

“How?”

Jake pocketed the phone, taking the full camera out of his bag instead. He looked around him, spying a pile of rocks about hip-height some way away. Carefully, he placed the camera on top, balancing it on the pile. Dirk narrowed his eyes, but Jake seemed satisfied enough, turning around and taking out his guns.

“All right! This'll be a fight scene, then!”

“I thought we were working together?”

“Yeah, but maybe the villains are forcing us to fight for some reason. Oh! Maybe one of us gets mind-controlled, and we have to fight until I can get through to you and snap you out of it! Fuck yeah, I love it when stuff like that happens!”

Dirk readied himself, getting into position.

“And no flashstepping.”

Dirk smiled. “Yeah, that would make it pretty unfair, wouldn't it?”

“No. It's just that it won't show up on the video.”

Dirk planted his feet, stretching his shoulders. “So, any time?”

Jake grinned, mimicking Dirk's stance. “When you're ready.”

They sized each other up, waiting for exactly the right moment to strike.

Then the camera fell down with a loud _crack._

“Ack!” Jake rushed over, gingerly picking it up. It had smashed against another rock and wasn't looking good. Jake tested it out, looking through the eyepiece and checking it over.

“...screen's cracked.” Jake frowned, then shrugged. “Oh well. Glad I brought my cameraphone, then! Guess we'll just have to shoot the rest of the movie with it!” He shoved the camera back into his bag. “Probably a good idea anyway – we should know as little as possible about how the other fights until we get around to our duel!”

“Oh, yeah.” Dirk nodded seriously. “Should be a clean slate.”

“Exactly!”

They travelled around for a few more hours, filming now and then. It was surprisingly comfortable, overall: Jake clearly knew the island very well, and apart from a couple of times they spied something and had to sneak past it, they didn't really encounter any of the other dangerous animals. It was much more humid than Dirk would prefer, and the heat only got worse and worse as the day went on, but neither really felt all that important. It was just the two of them talking and wandering around, and that was nice enough.

“All right, I think it's time for lunch about now!”

“Sure.” They sat down on the grass, Jake leaning back against a rock wall.

Jake let out an odd sort of snorting noise.

“What?”

“Uh...” Jake was looking at him, clearly trying not to laugh. Immediately Dirk went on the defensive, trying to figure out what was wrong. “Did you put on any sunblock this morning?”

“...no.” Dirk looked down at his arm and fuck, when had it gotten so red?! Shit. Now that he saw it, his skin did feel rather hot...

He looked up and glared. Jake shrugged helplessly. “What? It's not my fault!”

“You didn't put any on.”

“Because I live here. And my skin actually has some colour to it.”

Dirk glared. “Well, did you bring any?”

Jake thought. “Actually, yes!” he said, digging through the bag.

“Seriously? Did you just shove whatever in there?”

“Pretty much! It's not like I didn't have enough time while you were _sleeping_.” He found it and threw it in Dirk's direction. Dirk caught it, irritably opening it up. “You'll thank me later.”

“I doubt that.”

“Well, you'll be grateful, anyway.”

 _I know_ , Dirk thought, but stubbornly didn't say anything. As quickly as he could he rubbed the sunscreen onto his exposed skin, wincing at the pressure against the burns that were already forming.

As he worked, Jake took out their lunch, which turned out to be a couple of apples, some grapes, and some pumpkin. Not the sort of thing Dirk would normally eat by any means – neither he nor his bro had ever exactly been too keen on healthy eating – but it didn't look too bad.

“You should probably reapply that in an hour or two.”

Dirk glared. “Seriously?”

Jake shrugged again. “Look, it's not my fault you're so pale!”

Dirk pursed his lips, finishing off and wiping his hands and taking a bit out of an apple.

“Want some pumpkin?”

“No.”

“Grapes?”

“I'm fine,” he said moodily.

Jake frowned. “You really don't eat very much, do you? Heh, I don't think I could do that! Guess that's why you're so skinny, then.”

Dirk grit his teeth. “Yes, thank you, grandma.”

“Just asking,” Jake said, looking rather bemused. Dirk ignored him, looking out into the jungle and eating his apple in silence.

The hours passed and they continued to travel around. At first things were a little quiet, but Jake was Jake and it turned out to be a lot harder to ignore his cheerfulness when he was right there than it was over the computer. Soon enough, everything was normal again, and by the time Dirk remembered his annoyance it seemed stupid to hold onto it.

Finally, Jake decided that they had shot enough outside.

“Now we just need to get some shots inside!”

“What kind of shots?”

Jake rubbed his chin. “Still not really sure!”

“Shouldn't you have an idea of the plot by now?”

“Eh, we'll figure it out during editing.”

“Remind me never to work with you on anything creative ever again.”

“Why not? Didn't we have fun today?” Dirk looked at him; Jake actually seemed hurt.

“Of course we did.” He shook his head. “Never mind.”

They searched through the house for some good rooms. Exactly what criteria Jake was using to define 'good' was beyond Dirk, but by this stage he was beginning to wearily accept that it was stupid to be concerned about it when Jake clearly didn't know what he was doing any more than Dirk did.

“I have to admit, even I haven't been down here before!” Jake flicked on the lights, revealing a bunch of fully-stocked bookshelves.

“'Complacency of the Learned',” Dirk read.

“Yeah, she loved them, read them to me all the time when I was a kid. I was really surprised when I heard Roxy was actually Rose Lalonde's daughter!”

“Huh.” Actually, that was pretty much true for Dirk and his bro, too – he'd loved them. Yet another coincidence connecting them. Maybe there were more? It was almost like they were always supposed to be friends or something.

Dirk shook his head, moving onto the next room. Ok, that hadn't been ridiculously sappy or anything.

“Oh! I know this place. Huh, never realised it connected through there before.” Jake looked around; there were all kinds of bones and skulls throughout it. “Maybe the house is magical or something?”

Dirk snorted. “Seriously though, what is with the skulls? Where do you even get them?”

“Find them over the island.”

“Some of these are human skulls.” What the fuck, why had Jake been so disturbed by the dead animals when he had these around?!

“Yeah, pretty wild, right? I always wondered where they came from! Like, did there used to be some tribe living here or something?” Jake picked up one of the skulls eagerly, looking it over. “It'd explain the temple, anyway.”

“That's interesting. I wonder if you could get them tested or something, figure out when the person died.”

Jake shrugged. “I guess. Seems like that would ruin the mystery, though.”

“My god.”

“What?”

“Promise me you won't ever say anything like that in front of Roxy. Because you are totally ruining science right here.”

“That doesn't even make sense.”

“What do you even do with them, though? Just...have them around?” He peered at one, tilting his head to one side.

“Mostly. Oh! Plus, I can do this!” Jake posed theatrically, holding the skull aloft with one hand. “To be or not to be, that is the question!”

“That's not the soliloquy he says when he holds the skull. That's 'Alas, poor Yorick'.”

“Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well!”

“Ok you can just stop talking now.”

Jake shrugged, putting the skull back. “Not like I knew any of the other words anyway.”

They shot a few more scenes; Dirk had long since stopped wondering how the hell any of this was supposed to tie together. The indoor shots seemed to mostly be Jake standing around looking worried and making vague but ominous statements about some unspecified evil. Every now and then Dirk was part as well, though he didn't seemed to do much more than nod and agree with Jake. Not that he really cared. They even managed of them both together by resting the phone on the table they were sitting at.

Finally, they were done.

“Well, I guess that about wraps it up for today!” Jake announced, pressing a button on the phone triumphantly.

“Awesome.” Dirk looked over. “Actually, could we play it back? Just to make sure it all looks right.”

“Sure!” Jake pressed a few more buttons, then held the phone away from him. Dirk went to take it, but then stopped. A 3-D hologram emitted from the phone, displaying in almost perfect detail the hills around Jake's house.

Dirk stared.

“If this is the phone...” he said carefully, “what would the actual camera look like...?”

“Hm? Oh, that one's much better. You see that grain? Bah, that's what you get with a phone. Still, it adds a little something, don't you think?”

Dirk sighed. “Dinner?”

*

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 19:47

TT: Hey.  
GG: Hello there!  
GG: And how is it over on the island? :B  
TT: Hot. And very humid.  
TT: But not that bad, really.  
TT: Jake's house is unbelievable. Even Roxy would be jealous.   
GG: Hoo hoo!  
GG: And how is our mutual friend?  
TT: Very energetic. He's constantly running around here and there.  
TT: He made us film a movie today.  
GG: Oh, really? That sounds awfully fun!  
GG: What was it about?  
TT: No fucking clue.  
TT: Literally the entire thing is either:  
TT: a) shots of the island  
TT: b) him standing around saying vague, threatening things  
TT: c) him running places.  
TT: That is actually the entire movie.  
GG: Heh, that does sound like Jake!  
GG: Still, it all sounds like a great deal of fun!  
GG: Still sorry I wasn't able to come...  
TT: Yeah. It's not like you had any choice, though.  
GG: Well, I could probably have sneaked past the drones if I really tried!  
TT: Really?  
GG: …  
GG: Ok maybe not.  
GG: But I still feel like I should have tried harder.  
TT: Are you sure?  
TT: You don't feel scared or anything?  
GG: Not really!  
TT: I have to admit, that's a little worrying.  
GG: Oh, stop all that bothering. It is totally unnecessary!  
TT: You were nearly killed.  
TT: Maybe it's just me, but that sounds kind of serious.  
TT: I mean, I'm all for mad stunts, but there is a line.  
GG: I know...  
GG: Look. I guess I am a little freaked out by it.  
GG: But at the end of the day, it sort of just made me realise how important it is to get out there and do things!  
GG: I can't just spend the rest of my life indoors, shut off from the rest of the world!  
GG: That was the whole point of getting a house out here instead of living with the rest of my family!  
GG: If I can't even leave the house to visit my friends, what's even the point of being alive in the first place?  
TT: That's why you're our leader, Jane.  
GG: Huh?  
GG: What do you mean? Leader of what?  
TT: Just in general.  
TT: Don't tell Jake, he would be heartbroken.  
GG: I don't see the point, given that I would be quite happy to hand over leader status to him!  
GG: I'm already preparing myself to lead the corp., I don't need to be lording over my friends as well!  
TT: That is also why you're our leader.  
TT: True leaders don't want to be leaders.  
GG: Hmm...  
GG: Well, what if I refuse leadership?  
TT: Only such an act would truly qualify a person for leadership.  
TT: That is why competent leadership is permanently stuck in a self-perpetuating paradox.  
TT: Like Shroedinger's fucking ruler or something.  
GG: Hoo hoo! I can't say I quite understand.  
GG: But I appreciate the vote of confidence nonetheless! :B  
GG: So what else have you boys been up to? Any mischief?  
TT: Not really.  
TT: Isn't that more your style?  
GG: Too right!  
GG: If I were there you would better be careful!  
TT: I assure you that whenever it is that we manage to meet up I will sleep with one eye open.  
GG: Hoo hoo!  
TT: Literally.  
GG: …  
GG: Really?  
TT: Yes.  
GG: ...I rather suspect you are pulling my leg here!  
TT: A Strider never boasts.  
GG: Hmm. Well, we shall see about that!  
TT: How are things back there, then?  
GG: Oh, terribly boring!  
GG: At least Ro-Lal is cooped up just the same as me so we can moan about it together!  
TT: Yeah, she was complaining to me about it yesterday.  
GG: It's such bad timing, though.  
GG: I still can't quite believe it!  
TT: Jake thinks they're connected.  
TT: Like there's some sort of conspiracy.  
GG: Jake always thinks there is a conspiracy.  
GG: Or an evil organization.  
TT: Thank you for saying that.  
TT: Did you know that just today he was claiming there was some kind of dead animal conspiracy just because it turned out my bro and his grandma both collected them?  
GG: Hoo hoo, what a doofus!  
GG: But what on earth are you talking about? Who collects dead animals?  
TT: Ugh, just try not to think about it.  
TT: He only does it to make me admit it creeps me out.  
TT: No idea about Jake's grandma, though.  
TT: But she does sound pretty weird.  
GG: Hoo hoo!  
GG: Now I'm wondering whether I've ever seen any pictures of the house.  
GG: Is it really that amazing? I always thought he was exaggerating.  
TT: So did I.  
TT: But no. In fact, he was actually understating it.  
GG: Oh my!  
GG: Now I am definitely disappointed I couldn't go!  
GG: Not that it wasn't bad enough I couldn't meet up with you two!  
TT: I know.  
GG: Oh well.  
GG: How many movies has he made you watch?  
TT: I don't want to talk about it.  
GG: :B  
GG: I actually wouldn't mind, I don't think!  
GG: I mean, it would get boring after a while! But at least just being all together would be better than being apart like this, you know?  
TT: Yeah.  
TT: It's actually not that bad, really.  
TT: He challenged me to a duel over who would make the better Sherlock Holmes.  
GG: What?  
GG: How on earth did that come up?  
TT: No fucking idea.  
GG: Well, I wouldn't be too enthused about that. Holmes is good, but honestly he's a bit overrated, I think!  
GG: There are so many detectives out there and he's the only one anyone ever seems to remember!  
GG: Poirot is much superior, in my opinion.  
TT: Don't ask me, I had nothing to do with it.  
TT: I have no opinion either way.  
GG: Oh, Poirot is much better! He's so much classier than Holmes ever was – though I suppose that goes without saying, given that he's French and all, hoo hoo!  
TT: I though Poirot was Belgian?  
GG: What?  
GG: Where did you hear that?  
TT: TVTropes.  
GG: …  
GG: Well, it doesn't matter.  
TT: Please tell me you aren't planning to show me the entire Poirot reel when we finally meet up.  
GG: Hoo hoo, that would be fun!  
GG: But no, I do have a heart. I wouldn't do that to you.  
TT: Thank you.  
GG: Have you been reading Problem Sleuth?  
TT: Haven't gotten around to it yet.  
GG: You should!  
GG: It's really really good, I'm sure you'll love it!  
TT: When I get back home I'll start.  
GG: Oh yes, of course! You shouldn't be wasting your time with Jake just sitting around at a computer!  
TT: …   
GG: Unless it's to talk to us, I mean!  
TT: Oh, looks like dinner's ready.  
GG: Ooh! What are you having?  
TT: Some kind of meat, I think.  
TT: And pumpkin. Huh, again? Weird.  
GG: …  
TT: Look, not all of us are the heir to baking corporations, you know.  
GG: I didn't say anything!  
GG: Well, see you later, then, Dirk!  
TT: See you.  
TimaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

*

During dinner (apparently it was something Jake had killed; Dirk suggested the tinkerbulls and Jake had pulled a truly pathetic face) something caught Dirk's eye.

“Those posts on the bed,” he said, and Jake looked up. “They lights?”

Jake frowned. “I'm really not sure! I think they're probably meant to do something, but I've never been able to figure it out...”

“Really?” Dirk looked them over. Couldn't be anything too complicated. “I could have a look.”

Jake took a few seconds to respond, taking unnecessarily long to chew a piece of meat. “Sure, I guess.”

Dirk put down his plate, examining the posts up close. “I'm gonna have to open this up. Got anything?”

“I could shoot it open.”

“...anything else?” he said dryly.

Jake huffed. “Well, could you do it with one of your swords?”

Dirk thought. “Actually, yeah, I probably could.”

He took a katana from his strife specibus, looking it up and down. Then, quickly and carefully, his carved a split in the wood. After a moment, it fell off.

He didn't turn. He could tell Jake was watching, anyway.

“There's definitely a machine in here.” He knelt down, examining it. “Hm.”

“What does it do?”

“There's a computer. I'll have to have a look inside...” Thankfully, though unsurprisingly, it was turned off, whatever it was. “I'll need to take it out to do that. I'll try to connect it back up when I'm done, but...”

“Yeah, yeah, sure. I don't care – not much point in keeping it whole if I have no idea what it even does!”

With some effort, Dirk removed the computer, and took out his laptop to examine the code; while his shades were pretty useful, it would be easier to read with a bigger screen.

“What does it say?” Jake asked, crouching beside him and looking over his shoulder.

Dirk's frown deepened, his brow furrowing. He scrolled through the code quickly, eyes dashing from line to line.

“...hm.”

“Hm? Hm what? Good hm or bad hm?”

“Just 'hm'.”

Dirk read in silence. It only lasted a few seconds.

“Well, then?”

Dirk ground his teeth.

“What does it say?”

Dirk sighed. Reluctantly, he spoke. “I'm going to send this to Roxy.”

“What? Why? Is it something bad?”

“No, it's just...weird.”

“Weird how? Come on, I don't understand one word of this!”

Dirk pursed his lips. There were words he understood. Here or there.

“Just...completely different. I've never seen anything like this before.”

Jake nodded slowly. “So...”

“So...” He shook his head, opening pesterchum. “...I don't know what it does.”

There was a pause, and then Jake snorted. “Well, you could've just said so in the first place!” Dirk ignored him, though out of the corner of his eye he could see Jake rolling his eyes.

“Whatever. I'm sure she'll know what to do.” He sent the file, exiting.

“Guess so. Hey-” Jake stopped, looking at Dirk's laptop. “What is that?”

“Huh?”

“That wallpaper. It looks familiar.” Jake thought.

“Yeah, it's from My Little Pony.”

Jake nodded. “That's right! I've seen that around. Right, I forgot you watched that.” He rolled his eyes again and Dirk felt himself being rankled a second time in too short a period. “Is this just the horse thing again?”

“What? No. No, it's a sociological study. I mean, we've got thousands of grown men watching a TV show made for little girls. All those people claiming pop culture can't tell us anything about people are probably crying themselves to sleep right now.”

“Oh. But if you don't like it, why the wallpaper?”

Dirk shrugged. “The show's not bad, actually. But yeah, it's really only this character-” he tapped the image of the cloud and rainbow on the screen “-that I'm really enjoying.”

“Oh?” Jake said doubtfully. “What about him? Her?”

“No, she's actually really cool – surprisingly badass. Rainbow Dash - she's a pegasus who loves to fly, and can go so fast she actually causes a sonic boom that forms a rainbow – a sonic rainboom. I mean, obviously it's not possible in real life, but still.”

“Uh huh.”

Against his better judgment, Dirk felt his guard lowering. “She goes after what she wants and she says what she means. So she can be kind of blunt and tactless sometimes, but she'll do whatever it takes to protect her friends. She does represent the element of loyalty, after all. She loves thrills and always wants things to be exciting and fun, though she does get bored pretty easily.”

“Huh,” Jake said, and Dirk was quite pleased about how interested he suddenly seemed. Right up until he said, “she sounds a lot like me, actually!”

_Oh no he had said too much._

“What? No, no, she's nothing like you.” Dirk huffed, closing the computer.

“No, really! Loyal and loves things to be exciting and thrilling – that's exactly like me! And, well, I guess I can be kind of tactless sometimes-”

“No you can't. Look, this is stupid. You're completely different.”

Jake smiled. “Does she enjoy fighting as well? Or, oh, is she interested in plundering tombs and liberating treasure and exploring strange new worlds, too?”

“No. She doesn't. Shut up.” Dirk hefted the laptop up, irritably shoving it back into his bag, back turned to Jake. “This is stupid.”

His eye twitched, and he made a resolution then and there to never, ever let Jake watch the episode Read It And Weep.

Whatever. He needed a new wallpaper, anyway.

*

After all of that, Dirk silently returned to the couch, browsing on his shades. He had a lot to keep up with, after all. Jake sat at the other edge, doing something on his own laptop. Dirk would feel bad about just going on the internet while he and Jake had so little time together, but truth be told he had never exactly been the most sociable person in the first place, and as much as he enjoyed being with Jake, it was quite tiring, for obvious reasons. Especially lately. The fact that Jake had recognised this and actually given him the opportunity to unwind a bit was surprisingly perceptive of him and Dirk was grateful. 

Besides, it wasn't like they were entirely separate – maybe it was due to years of living alone, but Jake apparently had no concept of quietness even when doing something on his own, his fingers clattering loudly over the keys and occasional bursts of chuckles or snorts of frustration. Every once in a while, he even told Dirk about something funny he'd read or that Roxy or Jane had said, which probably would have been really annoying with anyone else, but just felt quite nice here.

“Heh, seems that cat has been sending Jane all over the place again.”

“Really? She'd be pleased with that.”

“No, no – apparently he's teleported her three times in the last four days, all to other places in the house.”

“Ouch.”

Jake chuckled.

But despite all this, as the evening wore on, deep down, nerves were setting back in. He hated to admit that even to himself, but it wasn't as though this were an unreasonable response, in his opinion. They'd kissed last night and Jake had indicated that he wanted to do it again but all today neither of them had mentioned it at all. Maybe Jake had just been being polite when he said that? No – he had genuinely seemed to enjoy it. Maybe he was having second thoughts?

He was tempted to to bring it up to Jake specifically. But there were reasons against that. He didn't want to seem to eager and blow his cover. He didn't want things to be awkward. (That was to say, he didn't want Jake to be awkward or realise Dirk was being awkward.) And he wanted to know that Jake actually did want to kiss him. He knew that was a bit of a silly thing to think, given that Jake had already asked to kiss him and initiated everything yesterday and had clearly enjoy it, but he had to be sure. He had to know. He already knew how much _he_ cared about Jake – anything he could glean from his behaviour about what Jake thought was useful.

He frowned. Not that this was the same, obviously. Knowing that Jake wanted to kiss him, even to the extent that he was willing to suggest it without knowing how Dirk would respond, was not the same as knowing that Jake cared about him. He knew that.

But it was more than he'd ever expected. And if he was pathetic for being happy with just this much, well, he didn't really give a shit. He had honestly believed there was no possibility of anything ever happening between them – that hadn't changed, and now not only did he get to make out with him, he could also wonder now and then about that shining, faint ray of light that represented the possibility that this might actually work? He'd be an idiot to not enjoy it while it lasted.

Apart from the obvious reasons not to, anyway. He had to tell him. He knew that. Jake had to know every relevant detail in order to be considered to have made an informed decision. It was one thing to experiment with your friend and another to make out with him knowing that he's kind of got a thing for you. If nothing else, he was lying to him.

He had to admit, this wasn't how he thought it would happen.

He clenched his fists, unthinkingly scanning his feeds. Well, it wasn't like he wasn't going to do it eventually, anyway. But...then, on the other hand, why today, on only their second day together? They still had five more days together, not even including tonight. How awkward would it be? Why ruin it?

Fuck, he was making excuses. Probably. Goddammit, he was so fucking biased here it was actually kind of scary.

He saw something out the corner of his eye – for some reason, Jake was changing computers. (Maybe to play a game or something? He had never gotten Jake's obsession with always having at least five computers at one time. It sounded very impractical.) Or, at least, he could only assume that thing was meant to be a computer.

“...the fuck is that.”

“Hm?” Jake turned; the helmet covered his eyes and made it difficult to tell what expression he was making.

“That...green skull thing.”

“Oh, this? This is one of my computers!”

“But...” He searched for a way to phrase the question. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why would you use a computer shaped like a neon green skull with goggles glued to it?” he said slowly.

“Because it looks cool!” Jake said rather firmly, a hand coming to the side. “I also have a bunch of other stuff to match as well – a coat and boots and lots of other stuff!”

“Is this some kind of costume? What character wears this?”

“It's distinctive! If I were a hero, people would recognise me instantly in it and want to dress up like this themselves!”

“They'd see it and run screaming.”

“Then that's the point. It's intimidating.”

Dirk shook his head. Somehow, he was actually sort of smiling. “You are really stubborn when you want to be, aren't you.”

Jake was silent for a few moments, then suddenly said, “Oh, you can't see right now, but I am glaring at you right now. Very forthrightly.”

“Uh, okay?”

“Because it's a bit rich for you to be calling someone stubborn.”

“I get it.” Dirk rolled his eyes, shifting away and refocusing on the screen in front of him.

Dirk shuffled in his seat. His fingers tapped against his leg. He chewed the inside of his cheek unconsciously.

...

“We should make out again.”

“Yes,” Dirk said, turning around instantly. Jake laughed and Dirk pursed his lips; he actually hadn't meant to respond that quickly. Immediately he straightened, replacing his stoic expression.

Jake took the helmet off; it caught on his hair making it stick up even more weirdly than usual. He shook his head, his hair flopping around. Then there was that grin again, that same challenging grin Jake wore so often.

Now that he knew the score, everything was easy. Dirk moved forward to sit in front of Jake, bringing his legs into a position that would be both comfortable and allow him to sit directly in front of him. Jake copied him, eyes flickering back and forth.

Dirk looked him in the eyes. Jake stared back at him, holding his gaze.

Their lips met and again, at first it was a little uncomfortable. But Dirk had done this before and he knew what to do now and so within seconds he had rekindled it, that spark that had served them so well last time. Their lips moulded together, alternating pressure. Jake pressed forward eagerly, a hand to Dirk's side pulling him forwards. Was this what Jake liked? Of course it was – he had never really doubted it. Dirk put his hand to the side of Jake's face, tangling in his hand and holding his head. Jake let out a happy noise and Dirk shivered.

Their tongues met messily – Jake was a little wet, but Dirk didn't mind. Just being here like this was incredible enough. He raked his hand through Jake's hair again and was rewarded with another moan. So he liked this as well.

But soon, even these thoughts faded from Dirk's mind. It was wonderful, a blissful ignorance. He kissed Jake and it felt good and that was it. It was an experience that Dirk couldn't quite place, even when he thought about it later – all his life he had always been able to remember thinking, thinking constantly. It was like, just for a short time, he became a whole other person, and not in one of those bullshit ways involving AIs or dreamselves. It was weird. But compared to obsessing about everything Jake was doing and he was doing and anything else he could think of, it was fucking great.

Jake's hands held onto both sides of Dirk's torso, slowly sliding downwards. Dirk grunted, sucking at Jake's tongue. He squirmed slightly, sliding forward just a little in his seat. For a moment Jake almost pulled him forward for real, clutching suddenly at him.

This time, Dirk broke away. Everything felt bright; last time it had been different, hadn't it?

God but he was beautiful. His cheeks were dark, hair falling into his deep eyes. He was breathing heavily.

“...was that not up to your standards?”

Jake's brow furrowed. “What?”

“Have I not met your exceeding standards for kissing skill? Do I not match up to your understandably altitudinous expectations?”

“Huh? No, no, it was great, I don't-”

Dirk sighed. He took his hand from Jake's cheek and tapped the frame of his glasses. “And yet these remain determinedly unfogged.”

Jake stared at him.

Then he snorted. Then outright laughed. “Jesus, Strider, don't do that...” He closed his eyes, leaning his head against Dirk's shoulder. Dirk tensed immediately, suddenly unsure of himself.

“...we should probably get ready for bed.”

“Yes,” Jake mumbled against his skin, then after a moment got up and left.

Dirk watched him, rolling his shoulders.


	3. Day Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you everyone for your support! <3

“I have an idea,” Jake said over breakfast, or, rather, some oranges and a few pieces of pumpkin which Dirk determinedly ignored. (Seriously, was this all meant to be some big joke? Was Jake just waiting to see how long it would take him to crack and throw that fucking pumpkin out the fucking window?)

“Sure.”

Jake swallowed a piece of meat, messily wiping his face; Dirk narrowed his eyes slightly. Jake gestured. “That window? Through it you can see the frog temple. It's open at the top. I think if you got it right, you could do one of those things where you shoot a thing then go down it.”

Dirk raised and eyebrow. Jake sighed. “You know what I mean. A _thing!_ ”

“You mean a zipline?” Jake nodded. 

Dirk stood up, walking to the window. He looked it all over, making a few calculations.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think we could do that.”

“Really? Awesome!” Jake wiped his hands hastily and stood up. “I have some steel rope!”

“That's good,” Dirk murmured, questions and possibilities multiplying. He always did love a project, and having something to focus his intellectual attentions on was a good thing right now. “We'll need something strong for the handle – just getting a pipe and holding it over won't work.”

“Oh?” Jake went to his side, squinting through the window. “I don't think we'd have something like that. I could look, though.”

“No problem.” Dirk caught his eye. “I'm sure I could make one.”

Jake blinked and then his eyes glowed. “Of course! Boy, you're an ideas man, Strider! I'm guessing you'll need materials...”

Dirk nodded. “Just looking a few things up right now.” He focused his eyes on the screen of his shades and thought-clicked, scrolling through the information. Hm, they were really breaking a few rules here. Oh well, there should be no reason to worry as long as Dirk's handle and Jake's arms held out. Still...

“Just out of curiosity, do you have anything that helps you fly?”

“Hm? Oh, yeah, I found some rocket boots somewhere, once! They're a bit hard to work out, but fun once you get the hang of it! Do you think they'd be useful?”

“Maybe.” Yes, he could picture it in his mind – it wasn't anything complicated, just a simple piece of mechanics, so he should be able to whip it out in half an hour or so. “Where are these materials, then?”

Jake scratched his neck. “Not entirely sure! There are a few rooms I've found with that sort of stuff, so I suppose I'll point you their way!”

“Do so.”

This time they only travelled down a couple of levels before exploring the floor, so once again the coming rooms were entirely new to Dirk. By now the novelty was beginning to wear slightly, so he didn't comment on any of the more unusual collections. At least, not until Jake led them into some sort of busy study.

“Hey, grandma.”

Dirk did an honest-to-god double-take. Then he looked at what Jake was looking at and flinched so hard he took two steps backwards.

There was a body. A human body. Stuffed and mounted in front of the fire. (Why was there a fire going? Wait what the fuck was he concentrating on here.) A body with an obvious visual resemblance to Jake, with the same facial structure and messy black hair and buck teeth.

Grandma.

“Why.”

Jake ignored him, or perhaps hadn't heard. “Yeah, this is my friend Dirk. I've told you about him, remember!”

Dirk stared at him. What. The _actual_ fuck. Was going on.

“I know, I know – I should have introduced him to you first! Sorry about that – we've been really busy lately.”

_Why was this happening to him_

“Dirk? Do you want to say hello?”

Dirk glared at him, looking him straight in the eye. “What the fuck is this.”

Jake looked wounded. “This is my grandma! It's a family tradition to stuff people after they die.”

“...so you do know she's dead,” Dirk said carefully.

“Of course I know that.” Jake puffed his cheeks irritably. “Haven't I said as much numerous times before?”

“Oh. Good.” Dirk let out a breath. So he wasn't crazy, just a weirdo who had stuffed his own grandma and liked talking to her as if she were still alive and wow that wasn't much better, was it.

“Geeze.” Jake shook his head, then turned to the body again. “Sorry about that, he's very rude, I know.”

“This is weird.”

“You sleep with a puppet.”

“That's different.”

“And talk to it.”

“I only said _two things_ ,” Dirk insisted, coloring a little. Now he was very glad he had been uncharacteristically tight-lipped with Cal last night, as much as it made him feel bad. He'd fill him in entirely when he got back, anyway.

“Face it, you're every bit as weird as I am and you know it.” Jake paused. “Actually, now that I think about it, didn't we cover this the other day?”

Dirk ignored him. “The parts?”

“Oh, right.” Jake walked to the far door. “Actually, they're just through there. I should find the rope then go check it a bit more.”

Dirk looked to the window. “It's raining.”

“Yeah, it does that a lot. Should clear up in ten minutes or so.”

“Hm.”

“Anyway, meet up later in my room? I'll go find you if you get lost!”

“I won't.” Jake clapped him on the shoulder and left.

“Bye, grandma!” The door shut.

Dirk glanced at the body through the corner of his eye. Were they really both that weird? Wait, actually, now that he thought about it, hadn't Jane mentioned doing something similar with her grandpa...?

Shit. He was having another one of his moments. Self-awareness, maybe? But seriously, the four of them really _were_ all weirdos, weren't they. He wasn't sure what to feel about that.

He looked around. This room actually seemed comparatively normal – the strangest thing was that every available surface was covered with various papers and books. And – actually, something caught his eye. He walked over to a desk, peering at the pieces of paper on top.

'Dear Jake,

Happy birthday! I'm sorry if this letter comes slightly belated, but I'

Dirk stopped reading, looking away. The blue-coloured perfect penmanship unmistakeably belonged to Jane. She must have sent him a letter for his birthday as well. He moved it, revealing a pink, typo-ridden one with a little messy doodle of what appeared to be Jake in the corner, just as she had drawn Dirk in his letter. He moved that, revealing a letter written in unfamiliar green ink; a quick check of the signature confirmed this as belonging to the Jade girl Jake sometimes mentioned. Huh, so she did actually exist. Not that this meant he was believing his claims that she was his grandma, though. Again he put the letter aside, and...

Yes. There was his letter. He picked it up, the burst of nostalgia unexpected. This wasn't the first birthday letter he had sent Jake since he realised he had a thing for him, but it was the hardest to write. At first they had just been friends and so for his twelfth birthday Dirk had send him a present with only a hastily-written in card. But then when his birthday arrived three days later, Jake turned out to have sent him a full letter in which he went into detail about how much he appreciated having Dirk as a friend. Of course, Dirk had been obliged to respond likewise next time, and so had begun a sort of show of one-upmanship, perhaps, as both competed to send the most moving, thoughtful birthday letters. Well, on Dirk's part, anyway, as he reluctantly admitted Jake probably had no idea about any competition. But what had begun simply enough very quickly drifted on into dangerous territory, until Dirk was forced to obsessively police the fine line between showing Jake how much he cared for him as a friend and showing him how he cared for him just a little more than that.

His eyes drifted over the words. He had typed them up beforehand and rewritten the whole thing several times, spent hours editing. Ultimately he'd taken so long he hadn't even sent the letter until after Jake's birthday had already passed, though he swore blind to this day that he'd sent it beforehand and that the mail must have just been slow.

'So hey,

I guess I'm gonna have to wish you happy birthday. Jesus, how long have we been friends now? Fucking long time, that's for sure. And I guess this is the point where I start getting all sappy and waxing fucking poetic about what an amazing cool dude you are. But in reality, that isn't really as hard to do as I make it out to be most of the time. Because honestly, while you can be kind of naïve and idealistic, you can also be really badass, and a great friend. And yeah, sometimes your ridiculous optimism might actually be kinda right. I honestly don't think I'd be the same person now if I hadn't meant you three years ago, and I think we can both agree on what an incredible goddamn dude I am. Feel free to take partial credit.'

Shit. Dirk resisted the urge to crumple the letter, instead replacing it where it had been and shifting Jane and Roxy's letters there as well, lips pursed. He would have an easier time re-editing this letter than any book about ponies, that was for sure. 'You can also be really badass'? Seriously, what the fuck was that? 'I honestly don't think I'd be the same person now'? STUPID. STUPID. STUPID.

Fuck. He was overreacting. But it was almost too embarrassing to watch himself talk like that, and he firmly decided to just leave the room and not go back.

Thankfully, the next room really did have the parts he needed, so he gathered some into his bag, along with some tools. He spared a moment to regret that he had decided not to bring any of his own tools or current projects with him, but it didn't matter too much, anyway.

By the time he returned to Jake's room to work on putting it together, Jake still hadn't come back and the rain was coming down harder than ever. There was something a little weird about being here on his own without Jake and he looked around again, paying more attention than before. He wondered whether Dirk's bro's movie would get a poster on his wall once it was out. It was highly likely that Jake would be the only person on earth to legitimately enjoy it. And there was that robot bunny – wow, he really was committed to this whole thing with whoever Jade was, huh?

He turned back to his work. It was enough that he was lying to Jake, he didn't need to invade his privacy as well.

After some time, Jake finally reappeared. Dirk turned and instantly shuddered; not only was Jake soaked head-to-toe, he was also covered in mud and dirt and oh god, was that grass?

“All right, I've got that all sorted, then! Wire is up!” He adjusted his glasses. “Hallo, what's that look for?”

“You look terrible.”

“Well now, that isn't very nice.”

Dirk pursed his lips. “Did you do that deliberately? Like, actually purposefully cover yourself with mud and sprinkle weeds everywhere? Because I can't think of any other way you could get so dirty so fucking quickly.”

“What? No, of course not!” Jake looked down at himself. “I don't think it looks terrible. Actually, isn't it kind of badass?”

Dirk stared at him. “No.”

“Come on, it totally is! If you're off fighting evil and saving the world you're not exactly going to be worrying about how clean you are.”

“You're not saving the world. You were attaching steel rope from one place to another.”

“Or like, maybe that even makes it a bit better! Getting a bit dirty or roughed up or whatnot, or – oh! Like as a sign of victory or something, even coming back with blood on you! Wouldn't that be cool?”

“No. It would look stupid. And smell.”

“Are you saying I smell?”

“You do smell. Take a shower.”

“But we're just going to be going out again in a second!”

“Not until the rain stops. Don't you think the water might make it difficult to hold on? Or affect the way it goes down the rope?”

Jake paused. “I have to say that I did not think about that!”

“Exactly. So go clean yourself up.”

“Now who's the grandma.” But instead of leaving, Jake took a step towards Dirk. And then another.

“I swear to god if you do what I think you're doing I will gouge your eyes out. I could do it. Just try me.”

Jake laughed, waving his hands. “Fine, fine! Geez, I'll go!”

Dirk watched him was he travelled down the stairs again, eyes lingering. That had been awful. And maybe, if he were extremely honest, just a tiny little bit hot.

His t-shirt had been very, very transparent.

Dirk shook his head, forcing his mind to return to the problem at hand.

It was... kind of weird to be distracted so easily like this. When it came to sex, as with most things, Dirk had tended to take something of an outsider's view on it, studying it analytically from as objective a position as he could. Obviously, it wasn't something he was entirely unfamiliar with – the fact that he was attracted to Jake was about as new to him as the fact that he was a fucking rad dude – but it was a bit weird to suddenly actually be thrust (no pun intended) right into the thick of it all and have to handle it all himself and wow he really _was_ distracted.

Just physically being around Jake would have been difficult enough, but all the necking wasn't exactly helping. He was very, very aware of the fact that he could take things further with Jake so easily. There were reasons against it – apart from compounding the problems already in place, Dirk was very careful about rushing Jake. He was clearly just trying this out to see how all of this went, and however Dirk might think things were going he couldn't know what was going on in Jake's head. This was all new to him, and if he tried to move things too quickly Jake would probably get flustered and want to stop entirely. He had no intentions of pushing Jake into something he wasn't comfortable with.

But that wasn't all. It wasn't as though his hormones had been paying too much attention to his reason lately, anyway, and if that was the extent of his rationale he'd be unlikely to last long resisting them. No, the more important fact was that he himself didn't really want to do that yet. Things were confusing enough right now that anything which had the potential of making their situation even more complex was, in his mind, verboten. Sex didn't always have to be complicated, but in these circumstances there was no way it could not be. And maybe he didn't really want to go so far knowing that, most likely, Jake was going to end this eventually and move on. He was all for making the best of a bad situation, but that was a line he wasn't too keen on crossing just yet.

So he shook the thoughts from his head. He had a couple of opportunities a day to get it out of his system, so he wasn't totally overcome with frustration. It was just something they didn't really talk about, and Dirk was very happy to keep things that way.

Thankfully, the rain soon cleared up. Jake returned, rubbing a fluffy towel over his hair and wearing fresh clothing. Dirk could smell the soap on him from half the room away. They sat in comfortable silence as they waited for the rope to dry, Jake chatting away on pesterchum, this time wearing some godawful colorful cloak.

“Roxy managed to sneak out last night.”

“Oh, dear.” Dirk turned his screwdriver carefully. “What happened?”

“Her mum found out immediately of course. Hum, now she's definitely grounded... seems like her mum was worried, though.”

“Bet that's not the way Roxy saw it.”

“I can read between the lines.”

Dirk coughed quietly at that. All joking aside, though, Jake could be surprisingly perceptive now and then. Dirk was just glad that that perceptiveness had never been turned to his own feelings for him.

Very quickly, Jake's restlessness became apparent. He got up often, looking out the window at the line, or watching over Dirk's shoulder as he worked.

“Don't you have a movie to edit?”

“Oh, yeah!” Jake said with delight and immediately rushed off to find his cameraphone. As far as Dirk could tell he really had forgotten all about it. His immediate reaction was annoyance at the idea of all the time spent yesterday being for naught, but then he felt a little silly. The whole point of coming here was to spend time with Jake, wasn't it? And he'd done that. He didn't regret any of it.

Finally, he was done. He got up, testing it on the line and fitting it there. It all seemed stable and dry enough.

“All right, we're-”

“Just a second, I just need to...” Jake bit his lip, gazing intently at the computer screen behind the helmet.

Dirk waited for several seconds, but still Jake didn't continue. Finally he said, “You really are the type to get caught up by things, aren't you? As expected of you, I guess.”

“Sorry! I just needed to find the right place to edit it, and it wasn't co-operating...” Jake pulled off the helmet, shaking his hair again. It really was surprisingly attractive. Like he was some kind of big, friendly dog. “So we're ready!”

“Yep. Just hold on here and it should work.”

Jake laughed, stepping forward and examining it. “Yes, this looks perfect! Stellar job, Strider!”

Dirk shrugged.

“So I just go, I guess?” Jake asked, reaching for the handle.

“Do you have the shoes?”

“Huh? Oh, right, yeah!” Jake darted off down the stairs, appearing a few moments later. “Almost forgot!” He pulled them on, then grabbed hold of the handle. Dirk stepped back.

“Now?”

Dirk thought. “Wait.” Dirk looked around, noticing the coat from before. “This is a computer, right?”

“Of course.”

“Take it with you so you can message me from down there.” He stepped forward, holding the coat out. “Don't let go of the handle or it'll go down on its own,” he warned, and Jake tightened his grip.

Dirk reached forward to take the handle himself, but instead Jake let one hand go, holding his arm out. After a second of hesitation, Dirk took the arm of the coat, fitting it over him, and then again with the other arm. He smoothed the back, then stepped back again, flexing his fingers.

“Any time.”

Jake turned back to him with a devil may care grin, hair blowing in the wind.

“I'll be back!”

And then he was off, arm muscles pulling taut as he held his weight with impressive ease, whooping all the while. Dirk watched, willing to admit something of a smile. Several long seconds passed before Jake finally reached the bottom, leaping down impressively and, hopefully, landing safely.

TimaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT] at 11:27

TT: I can't see you. Did you land okay?  
GT: More than okay it was bloody brilliant!  
GT: Absolutely wonderful thrill!  
GT: You should try it next!  
TT: I don't think so.  
GT: Why not?  
TT: Well, for starters we'd have to figure out a way to bring the handle back up.  
GT: Hm...have to say i didnt think of that!  
GT: Why else though?  
TT: What do you mean?  
GT: You said for starters. Why else cant you go?  
TT: Isn't it obvious?  
GT: No. Why?  
TT: Never mind.  
GT: No! I have to mind now.  
GT: Youve forced my hand.  
TT: It doesn't matter.  
GT: If it didnt matter youd say it!  
TT: Or I realised that it isn't important after all.  
TT: That's it.

Jake was silent for several seconds. Dirk frowned, cursing Jake's persistence. But when he responded, it wasn't what Dirk expected.

GT: ...oh.  
TT: 'Oh'? 'Oh' what?  
GT: Hrm.  
GT: I may not have entirely thought this through.  
TT: What? Why?  
TT: What happened?  
TT: Do you need me?  
GT: No Im sure Ill be fine!  
GT: Its just that this is the time of the day and I guess year as well though theyre a bit early this year  
GT: When the crabdads come out.  
TT: Crabdads?  
TT: What the fuck are you talking about?  
GT: Theyre these big crab things. Like in Half Life? Only a lot bigger.  
GT: Dont worry though! Im sure ill be able to get back.  
GT: It could be a lot worse especially since there doesnt seem to be that many of them.  
TT: I'm sending the brobot over.  
GT: Wait what?  
GT: No dont!  
TT: Why not?  
GT: Because I can handle it!  
GT: Didnt I just say that?  
TT: Then I'm coming.  
GT: How is that any different?  
TT: So your problem is that you believe if I helped you, it would prove that you 'can't handle it'?  
TT: Then, if you won't accept me coming to save you under that conceptualisation,  
TT: Will you accept if I present it in a form you would feel presents less of a threat to your masculine integrity?  
GT: What?  
TT: Think of it like this:  
TT: We work together, right? Against the forces of evil or whatever crap like that.  
TT: So we're supposed to fight together, not alone.  
GT: I dont think I like this.  
TT: I'm coming.  
GT: No not that!  
GT: I mean youre pretty obviously trying to manipulate me here.  
TT: I said right from the outset that I was recontextualising the situation in a manner that I hoped would change your mind about it.  
TT: I am certain that that does not count as manipulation.  
GT: Just because you say youre about to manipulate someone doesnt mean youre not!  
TT: I don't understand why you're so opposed to this.  
GT: I dont know.  
GT: I just dont like the idea of you just sitting back and deciding on your own whats best for me!  
GT: I can do things myself you know!  
TT: This is not the time to be discussing this.  
TT: I'm coming.  
GT: I already told you I CAN HANDLE IT MYSELF.  
TT: Fine.  
TT: I'll stay here.  
TimaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]  
GT: Urgh.

Dirk frowned. He didn't like this. He didn't like any of it. He stood up, pacing around. What was Jake talking about? Why did he dislike the idea of Dirk protecting him so much? They always joked about who was better, but this was the first time something like this had happened. Had Dirk been too overzealous? And what was all that stuff about manipulation supposed to mean?

He sat down, holding his hands on his lap. He needed to think, except he couldn't concentrate while he knew that Jake was out there in danger. What the fuck was a crabdad?!

The internet was no help. Seriously, had Jake never thought to inform a scientist about any of this? Or his grandma, for that matter? Actually, hadn't she been a scientist herself? What the actual fuck.

He itched to check the brobot. Surely Jake wouldn't be able to tell as long as he didn't deploy him, right? But still it felt like missing the point. Not that he knew what the point was.

Eventually, Jake make his way to the top of the stairs. Dirk looked him over, expression blank.

“I'm fine,” Jake said quietly, but he didn't sound annoyed. Dirk nodded curtly.

The next few hours were... odd. They returned to their computers, an irritating tension between them. But Jake kept glancing back at Dirk with an expression that seemed almost...apologetic.

Dirk's shoulders gradually stiffened. The more Jake looked at him the more he wished he could tell Roxy about it all, but it felt too weird when Jake was right there.

TG: omg wats goin on ur acting rly weird rn  
TT: Nothing. It's fine.  
TG: dirk  
TG: dirk  
TG: drik  
TG: so u rly think u can folo me  
TG: *fool lolol  
TT: Just wait, all right?  
TG: k

“Strider,” Jake suddenly said, in an odd burst of noise as though he were as surprised as anyone that he'd spoken aloud. Dirk turned, trying to ignore the warning signs blaring in his mind.

“Ah...sorry about this afternoon. I really should not have gone off at you like that. It was terribly unsporting of me.”

Slowly, Dirk shook his head. “No. It's fine. I get it.”

“You do?”

_Of course I fucking don't, what do you think?_ “Yeah.”

“...okay.” Jake blinked, then looked around. “Great.”

Dirk nodded. Jake nodded.

“Well! Glad that's all cleared up, then!” Jake continued, clapping his hands together. “Well! Shall we eat, then?”

“Sure.”

Dirk forced himself to relax. He had no idea what the fuck they had just agreed upon, but it seemed to comfort Jake, anyway. Already he was acting just like normal, chattering away as he got out food for lunch. Their arguments always went this way – Dirk would try to avoid the issue, Jake would press it, they'd talk a little, and then everything would quickly go back to normal. Simple. But now more than any other time in the past Dirk wasn't entirely sure what had just happened.

It was pumpkin. Fucking _again_. He narrowed his eyes at him; Jake ate happily enough.

“What's with the pumpkin?”

“What pumpkin?”

“This fucking pumpkin. The stuff we've been eating every single day?”

“Oh, right.” Jake finished chewing his piece and swallowed. “They grow a lot around here. Really big as well. They're such a convenient source of food that I guess I've gotten dependent on them!”

“Seriously?”

Jake nodded earnestly. 

It was surprisingly easy to go back to acting normally with Jake, even though in spare moments his brain still buzzed with questions. Maybe it was because they'd been talking on the internet for so long, but just sitting and speaking with Jake felt like one of the easiest things in the world, even under these circumstances.

“So I've got most of the movie all up then. I'll be trusting you for the music!”

“Weren't you going to have the girls submit some film as well?”

“Oh, yeah! Hm, I think I could think of a few places for that, though! Ah, isn't this great, working all together like this?”

“Wait, they don't have holographic recorders. Unless you have some spare?”

“No, I was just thinking of having them shoot with their own. Will add some variety to it! Visual interest!”

“Jesus.”

*

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 21:59

TG: ok  
TG: so  
TG: get on w it then  
TT: With what?  
TG: dirk  
TG: dont play dumb w me  
TG: u jsut startde pestering me  
TG: n then just left it opn for like 5 mins  
TG: so blah blha blha u prtend 2 be all cool n mystryous  
TG: *blah *mysterous  
TG: n I weedle it out of u  
TG: can we all just assume thats happened  
TT: I guess.  
TG: good  
TG: much more eficent  
TG: *efficeint  
TG: *efficient  
TG: so what  
TT: Have you had any indication recently that Jake might be aware?  
TG: of ur feelins?  
TT: Yes.  
TG: um no  
TG: why?  
TG: what happened?  
TT: Are you sure?  
TG: dirk I dont know anythin I didn't know last time  
TG: in fact I think I no less  
TT: Less? How is that possible?  
TG: well idk  
TG: if im ttly honest  
TG: bak then I kinda got te impression he w straight  
TT: Yes, I remember you saying that.  
TT: You've changed your mind, then? Why?  
TG: hats the thing  
TG: i have no gdamn idea!  
TG: whchis rly weird cause m gaydar is always right  
TG: and its nvr changed before  
TT: So you're certain he doesn't know.  
TG: well that depends  
TG: what maeks u think he does??  
TT: It's kind of complicated.  
TG: no no no no no  
TG: no  
TG: no  
TG: I thoght we skipped this  
TG: *thought  
TT: Only for that question. Not for everything else.  
TG: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurgh  
TG: if u dont tell me ill wine  
TG: *whine  
TG: *actaully no ill do that too  
TT: It's a complex situation.  
TT: Not something that can be summed up easily.  
TG: dirk  
TG: is there hnstly anything u can't tell me??  
TT: I guess not.  
TT: The short story is that he said a few things today that I don't understand.  
TT: He complained about me assuming that he couldn't take care of himself,  
TT: Then said something weird about me manipulating him or whatever.  
TG: huh  
TG: u got the log  
TT: Here:  
timaeusTestified [TT] sent tipsyGnostalgic [TG] file "jakepesterlog471.txt"    
TG: u save all ur pesterlogs with him?  
TT: They're useful for detecting patterns.  
TG: omfghahahahaha  
TG: dirk  
TG: u r so fkucing cute sometimes  
TG: or creepy  
TG: 1 o those 2  
TT: I don't see anything strange about it.  
TT: Don't you save all your pesterlogs?  
TG: w/e let me read  
TG: wait y didnt u wanna ride the thing  
TT: Keep reading. That's not the point.  
TG: mayb  
TG: its  
TG: a parrot.  
TT: What?  
TG: *pattreb  
TG: * pattern  
TT: It's not.  
TG: hm.  
TG: this s rly weird  
TT: See?  
TT: I have no fucking idea what he's talking about.  
TT: And then later he apologised for 'going off at [me]'.  
TG: wat did u sya  
TT: That it was ok and I understood.  
TG: Did y?  
TT: No.  
TG: ....................  
TT: It seemed to be the right response.  
TT: At the time, anyway.  
TG: bluhhhh  
TG: well neway I dont think he knows  
TG: cause like  
TG: if he did wouldnt he just do something?  
TG: like if he lieked u hed just kiss u rosomething prolly  
TG: n if he didnt hed just say no  
TG: isnt that the whole point?  
TG: hes an actin kinda guy  
TT: Maybe he's looking for an opportunity and I'm not giving him one.  
TG: mayb???  
TG: u know  
TG: what would clear all this up  
TT: What?  
TG: tellin him  
TT: That's a possibility.  
TG: this doesnt seem that complicated tho  
TG: so what else is goin on?  
TT: Well.  
TT: He's done some other confusing things.  
TG: like what kindsof things  
TG: sexy things?  
TT: Whose definition of 'sexy' are you asking about?  
TG: ogm.  
TG: *omg  
TG: it is!!  
TG: what what what wtah ahta!!  
TT: Jesus, it was an offhand question.  
TG: u didnt u tell me!!  
TT: It's not what you're thinking.  
TG: o im thinkin all right  
TG: thinkin all kindas stuff  
TT: ...  
TG: hahahahahahaha  
TG: but srsly  
TT: Well. It started out normally.  
TT: I arrived, he showed me around.  
TT: He started the movie marathon.  
TG: get 2 the point  
TT: Do you want me to tell you or not?  
TT: I ended up falling asleep at one point from jet lag and woke up a couple of hours later.  
TT: Jake was still watching a movie. Some romantic comedy.  
TG: which 1?  
TT: Does it matter?  
TG: thn y mention it at all??  
TT: Then when the movie was over,  
TG: yes yes  
TT: He asked me whether I'd ever kissed a man before.  
TG: omg  
TG omgfgmfgo.  
TT: 'Oh my god fucking god my fucking god oh'?  
TG: y  
TG: that  
TG: so wat did u say  
TT: I said 'no'.  
TG: wat y?  
TT: Because it's the truth?  
TG: w  
TG: rly??  
TT: Why is this surprising?  
TG: idk  
TG: I gess im just surprised how virginal u are hahahahaha  
TT: I don't see why it's cause for amusement.  
TG: is this bexoz of jake?  
TT: Maybe.  
TT: But it's not like I have all that many opportunities to interact with people my own age.  
TT: Nor do I desire any.  
TG: xcept w us  
TT: Of course.  
TT: Doesn't that go without saying?  
TG: awwww  
TG: so uve srsly never kissed ne1  
TG: no steamy 7 minutes in hevn at a party  
TG: no bringing bak some sexu dudes n hidin em from ur bro  
TG: no ill-fated grpoes w the cheerleaders in the gym just 2 be sure  
TT: No.  
TT: And we don't even go to school.  
TG: well yeah lol  
TG: jesus u just spend all day at hime dont u?  
TG: hahahaha that is so cute  
TT: No it's not.  
TG: well that or weird  
TG: so im sayign cute.  
TG: anyway so jakes just asked u this  
TG: go on on on on on  
TT: Like I said, I said no, and asked him why he was asking.  
TT: He said that he wondered and,  
TT: Basically, that he didn't exactly get any opportunities to try it out.  
TG: !!!!!!!  
TG: so like  
TG: hes gay then??  
TT: Is that important?  
TG: uh p sure it matters to u!  
TT: Well, I can't say for sure obviously, but no.  
TT: I honestly don't think he is.  
TG: what  
TT: He definitely appears to be attracted to women. Obviously I can't know how far that extends, though.  
TG: so hes bi?  
TT: I don't know.  
TT: I'm pretty sure he's at least somewhat attracted to men, but that doesn't say much in and of itself,  
TT: And obviously it doesn't necessarily extent to biromanticism.  
TG: what  
TT: We can't assume that just because he's attracted to men that he's romantically interested in them.  
TT: Or women, for that matter.  
TT: Or anyone else.  
TG: .................  
TG: but  
TG: uve been kissin him  
TG: right?  
TT: Yes.  
TG: good.  
TT: Is it?  
TG: well idk is it??  
TT: That's not what I meant.  
TT: I have to admit that I never planned for anything like this to happen at all.  
TT: I am not entirely certain how to respond to it.  
TG: hrm  
TG: wellllllllll  
TG: I still think hed do smething if he wanted 2  
TT: That would then lead to the conclusion that he isn't romantically interested in me.  
TT: Because why would he advance this suggestion rather than a more straightforward romantic proposition?  
TG: look idk  
TG: maybe he doesnt know how u feel and wants 2 did out?  
TG: *find  
TT: That doesn't sound like Jake.  
TG: none of this does  
TT: Yeah.  
TG: but yeah I still think he donsnt know  
TG: cause like think about it  
TG: here is a guy whos grown up amost entirely alone  
TG: only intracting w other humans throuhg movies an the net  
TG: ur probly the only prson hes ever physcally been next 2 since his grandma  
TG: an were expectin him 2 have 100% human interactin skills A+ gold star on the forehead?  
TT: I guess so.  
TG: janey still doesnt no  
TG: but then shes kind of oblibousv  
TG: *oblivis  
TG: *donsn notice stuff  
TG: actually so is jake rly  
TG: so there u go  
TT: That does make sense.  
TG: I always make sneeze  
TG: *sense  
TG: lol  
TT: Thanks.  
TG: no prob  
TG: always redy 2 help when u have sexy problems  
TG: wink  
TG: but srsly  
TT: I know.  
TT: Also, I'd like you to take a look at this.  
TG: what is it  
TT: A code. I can't make sense of it.  
TG: umm kk sure  
TG: wheres it from  
TT: Some machine in Jake's bedroom.  
TG: omg haha  
TG: des jake have a lot of machins in his bedroom  
TG: if u no what I mean  
TT: No.  
TT: I couldn't make any sense of the code and I was hoping you could.  
timaeusTestified [TT] sent tipsyGnostalgic [TG] file "bedmachinecode.txt"  
TG: wait wait wait wait wtia  
TG: he has a machine  
TG: n his bed  
TT: Just take a look, would you?  
TG: fggghhaha  
TG: tis just gets better an better!!  
TG: but sure k  
TG: whoa wtf  
TT: Understand anything?  
TG: not a fuckin thing  
TG: w even tf is this  
TG: what does it do?  
TT: He has no idea.  
TT: He's not even sure how to turn it on.  
TT: Apparently it belonged to his grandma.  
TG: witide  
TT: Huh?  
TG: yeah I got nooooo idea  
TG: soz  
TG: rly wonder where it came frm now tho  
TT: Hm.  
TT: I'll tell him that.  
TimaeusTestified [TT] became an idle chum!

Dirk drummed his fingers on his legs, trying not to feel victorious.

“I sent the file to Roxy.”

Jake looked up from his screen. “Yeah? What'd she say?”

“She didn't understand a fuckin' word of it either.”

Jake frowned. “Really? That sure is friggin' odd, then! What on earth could it be?”

“No idea.” Dirk stretched out, leaning back against the couch. Was it bad he felt a lot better now? “You said it was your grandma's?”

“Yeah, she bought nearly everything in here. She's owned this place since I was a little kid.”

“You never asked her?”

Jake shrugged helplessly. “I had it ever since I was a kid! I never really thought about it! It was just another of those weird things about this house. I guess sometimes I wondered, but I just never got around to asking her, I guess. Not before she died, anyway.”

Dirk hesitated. For a few seconds he wondered to himself whether what he was thinking of asking was normal but then shook the thought away. Jesus, he was getting over-paranoid. This didn't have anything to do with that at all. He was just being Jake's fucking friend.

“When did she die?” He asked.

“Five years ago, a little after I turned eleven.”

Dirk thought, doing the math. “When exactly-”

“Yes, a couple of months before we met.” Jake looked forward and out of the window with a smile, and rocks slowly began to form in the pit of Dirk's stomach. Oh no. Oh, _fuck_ no. “It was always the two of us, you know? We used to go everywhere together – all over the world. We met all sorts of different people – she was even friends with Jane's gramps for a while, if you can believe it – but because we travelled around so much, we just stuck together, you know? Then as I got older we started spending more and more time here, and she furnished the place up a bit more. Guess she thought I'd want stability or something?” Jake chuckled, but then his expression shifted and for the first time since Dirk had met him he saw Jake look genuinely sad.

“So when she died... well, for a while I didn't really know what to do! She was always getting caught up in secret missions and things like that, but I never really thought about it all that much... And, well. Suddenly everything seemed so lonely! I'd never been without her. I had some friends over the internet, but not many, so when I started avoiding everyone for a few months, I guess everyone just assumed I'd lost interest in them. And there was grandma – I mean, Jade – of course, but...I didn't exactly want to talk to her much. Yeah.”

Jake scratched his nose, muscle in his cheek tensing briefly in a smile. “And then I guess one day I woke up and it was just too lonely! I couldn't handle it anymore! So I kinda started deliberately looking for friends? And heh, I guess I was coming on too strong or something, but mostly people didn't really go along with it? So I joined that forum, figuring maybe I could meet someone else who was into the same sort of stuff as me!”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck. Dirk forced his expression into one so blank his bro would be impressed. He knew how this story went. But there was no stopping Jake now.

“And yeah, at first it was the same sort of thing. But then you started talking to me! And actually being really nice and interesting! And I didn't really get it, I mean, you weren't like that with anyone else, but I guess... well, that made me feel a bit special, heh!” Jake ran a hand through his hair, embarrassed. “But I dunno, it really worked, and it was like we got along really quickly! And then I met Roxy and Jane and all and... well, I felt so much better! Ever since then I didn't ever really feel so bad about it all, you know?”

Dirk wanted to punch himself. He wanted to punch himself seven times. Seventy times. He wanted to punch himself for every time he had ever thought that would be a good idea.

A long time ago, when they were both eight, Dirk's bro enrolled him in some online physics programme. It worked out well for them both – Dirk was too smart and too antisocial for normal school and even then Bro had had more than enough money to afford a damn good teacher. He hadn't been the only student, though – there had also been Roxy. At first Dirk had been indignant about having to work with someone else, and quite put off by how much of a 'silly girl' she was. But as time went on, he realised more and more that she was at least as smart as him, if not more so in some areas, and that they both actually had quite a lot in common. Soon he had come to depend on her and her carefree, more socially-knowledgable form of wisdom, and they had been friends ever since.

A year later, Roxy had met Jane. Dirk wasn't entirely sure how it had happened, but apparently it involved pumpkins being appearified or something along those lines? (Seriously, what was with his friends and pumpkins?) And then Roxy had introduced her to Dirk and he'd sort of shrugged and gone with it. Jane was a little odd, but she was very curious and straight-forward and had a rather nice kind of staunch optimism that Dirk couldn't help but find appealing.

So for a few years, it had just been the three of them like that. And Dirk had been completely satisfied. He certainly hadn't ever counted on making any more friends – as far as he was concerned, if he just stayed friends with Jane and Roxy forever, well, that was fine by him.

...so.

Dirk wanted to punch himself. More specifically, his past self. Sometimes he actually sort of really hated the little shit. (Was that weird? Was he being weird again?) He knew full well he could be kind of an obnoxious dick at times, but his younger self was even worse. But while it wasn't any excuse, well, he'd been a young, rich, isolated genius, and doesn't everyone like that go through a stage of their life where they are completely convinced that the highest form of intelligence and humour is to troll internet forums?

He wanted to punch his younger self so fucking hard.

It had been a forum about movies, obviously. Pretty small one, with only a few dozen active members. The thing that had attracted Dirk was that a bunch of them (obviously twelve-year-old kids, Dirk had thought scornfully with the incredible hypocrisy of an adolescent who is a little bit too keen to prove himself as intelligent as adults) apparently had absolutely no taste whatsoever, rambling on and on about the shittiest of movies. And not even for irony reasons, either. Just out of genuine terrible taste.

Needless to say, he had run wild. The admins clearly hadn't the slightest of ideas how to keep order, and it would have taken more than a banned ISP or two to stop Dirk even back then. He'd terrorized nearly half the users away by the end of it all.

And yet one user remained stubbornly unterrorized – golgothasTerror.

He was a mystery. He had the most confusing taste of them all – he stomached even films that the others all admitted weren't very good, but also seemed to genuinely enjoy some actually quality movies. More than that, he had one of the most ridiculous speaking styles that Dirk had ever heard – for months he was convinced that Jake was putting it on deliberately. No human being could sound like that. Combined with GT's intense optimism and goodwill no matter what Dirk did, he was just quite possibly the most hilariously entertaining people Dirk had ever seen.

So he messaged him with one of the usernames that hadn't yet interacted with Jake directly. Why? He wasn't entirely sure. Certainly he had no plans just yet. All he knew was that this guy was an absolute riot and he was going to have to come up with something amazing to do to him.

Obviously, GT had taken him at his word. And so they had messaged each other back and forth, trading opinions and jokes and thoughts. And the more Dirk talked to him, the more GT – Jake – actually started to remind him of Jane, and even Roxy. He was very optimistic, but he wasn't an idiot. He had a boundless curiosity towards the world, even if it was misplaced at times. He always managed to look on the bright side of things and see the best in everything, which would obviously appear to constitute an arbitrary taste from the outside. And he was one of the most loyal, determined, kind people Dirk had ever met. He even put Jane to shame there.

And somewhere... they actually became friends.

Jake asked him about this Roxy and Jane Dirk kept talking about, so he introduced him to them. The others had welcomed him warmly, and almost instantly he had become part of their group. It was only when Jake mentioned a conversation he had with Roxy one day and Dirk felt a twinge of disappointment that Jake wasn't entirely his friend anymore that he fully comprehended exactly what had happened here.

And then he'd actually gone and fallen for him, as if this pointless fucking narrative needed to become even more pathetic than it already was. God he was a such a shitty troll. The single worst that had ever existed, or ever would exist, in this or any other alternate universe.

And that was why Dirk never, ever, _ever_ wanted to talk about how they had met ever again. Ever.

He nodded. “Oh.”

“So, um, thanks for that, I guess? I mean, obviously you had no idea what you were doing at the time! But I really appreciated it nevertheless!”

Dirk shrugged. “It's fine.”

Jake smiled. “And I guess thanks for coming here as well! It was really good just to talk to you all, but it's such a difference actually having someone else here in the house, you know?”

“Yeah.” Dirk struggled. “Um, my bro is gone pretty often, too. I mean, obviously it's not the same thing, but- yeah.”

Jake nodded sympathetically. “Yeah.” Then his eyes lit up. “Now we just need to figure out how to get Roxy and Jane here, too! Or we could all go to someone else's house, either way. That would be the total greatest thing, don't you think?”

Dirk nodded. “It really would,” he said with total honesty. 

Jake continued to talk, going on about everything the four of them would do together once they all met up. Most of it seemed to revolve around things Jake was interested in – going exploring together, showing each other movies, playing all sorts of kiddy games that Dirk almost would have protested against until he realised that Jake probably never really got the chance to play all those sorts of games when he was a kid.

Would he ever tell Jake the truth here? Fuck no. In bold print, italics, 78 point font, and also flashing bright red. No, not even fuck no. Fuck to the fuck no, in brackets raised to the fuck. _That_ was how much he was never, ever going to tell Jake any of this.

He tried to feel bad. But he was feeling bad for so many things already. It was just better for the both of them if he never knew. God knew Jake had reason enough to dislike Dirk already – he really didn't want to give him any more. Like the skulls on the island, Jake was better not knowing the truth.

*

It was hard to imagine Jake as a secret person. Then again, it was hard to imagine any of his friends keeping things from him. Roxy always told him everything without much fuss, Jane was too much of a goody-two-shoes and would probably crack and burst into tearful apologies after ten minutes of lying, and Jake just didn't seem the sort to even consider lying an option. Dirk honestly suspected that if he ever suggested that he lie Jake's only response would be a bemused look. Not even a disapproving one – just a confused one.

Based on the available evidence, the possible premise of 'Jake is deliberately keeping something from me' was probably false. Therefore, the only reasonable conclusion was that Dirk was misunderstanding something and this was causing the lapse in communication today.

Fuck him if he knew what it was, though.

He wasn't lying when he told Roxy he was considering confessing. That had never stopped being an option, not since he first figured the whole thing out a little before he turned thirteen and adamantly decided that he wouldn't be one of those weepy anime guys who waits around for years too scared to say anything. 'Soon' had turned into 'when I get this specific opening' had turned into 'once I have a better idea of what the situation is'. And yet, despite how he had reacted to Roxy's statement earlier, he was forced to admit that he very well did have less of an idea of the situation now than he had last year. Or, at least, he was more aware of his own ignorance.

It wasn't a good feeling. He didn't ever like to think of a question and admit that he didn't know the answer. For anything else he'd just look it up and read it and he'd be fine.

As the evening went on, Dirk caught up with everything he needed to on the internet. That done, he tried to come up with something else to do, but gave up quickly. There was no point at this stage. Purposefully, he turned off the computer in his glasses (was it just him or had the AR been unusually quiet lately? He hadn't even been talking to Jake much; he'd checked the logs just last night) and walked over to where Jake was sitting on the couch.

He raised his eyebrows. Jake smiled.

Kissing Jake, on the other hand? Pretty much unequivocally good. It felt good in a physical way, obviously. It was also good to just be able to hold him like this, know that he was there and safe, although he would eternally refuse to put this thought into words with the aptitude of a person who had, for whatever idiotic reason, trained themselves to be able to make others think of a pink elephant without imagining it themselves. Most of all, while he was distracted, he couldn't think.

Fuck, he was totally ruining science as well, wasn't he?

But it was a way to be here with him that didn't involve complicated social mores and obsessing about the right thing to say. Sometimes, just every now and then, that was nice.

Jake shifted on his lap, breaking away momentarily. Dirk looked up at him; having Jake over him like this was nice, too.

Then Jake blinked. Then snorted. Then he was pursing his lips together, eyes burning.

“...what.” His stomach went cold. What the fuck had he done now?!

Jake shook his head, shoulders shaking. “Your hair...”

“Huh?” Dirk leaned away from the back of the couch, feeling it. It'd gotten flattened where his head had been resting against the back of the couch. The gel had gone weird, causing it to stick out in strange places.

He looked back at Jake. Jake burst into giggles, shaking over Dirk's lap.

Dirk's eye twitched. “Oh my god.”

“I'm s-” Jake continued to laugh, almost spluttering. “It's just really fucking funny!”

“It's _not_ ,” Dirk insisted, pushing up from the couch with enough leverage to turn Jake over, sitting on him instead. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Never,” Jake choked out, and even when Dirk kissed him firmly to stop him little giggles still spilled out every now and then. Dirk kissed him harder to disguise his smile, but somehow he suspected that Jake could tell anyway.

He was thinking about this too hard. Jake was Jake and that was all that mattered.


	4. Day Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy belated 413 day, everyone! :) This chapter is up early, so the next should only take a few days from here!

“Rise and-”

“Are you. Going to do this. Every morning.”

“Are you going to take an hour to get ready every morning?”

“Are you going to bitch about that every morning?”

“Are you going to whinge about waking up early every morning?”

Dirk was silent. He was silent because he was asleep.

“Then it appears we are at a stalemate.”

“Yes. Because I'm not getting up.”

“It's not even eight. I waited until nine this morning!”

“Still too early.”

“How can you sleep so much? We go to bed at the same time!”

“Maybe I have insomnia.”

“That's no excuse.”

“Harsh. That's totally a medical condition, dude. How fucking insensitive.”

“Sleep is for the weak.”

Dirk finally opened his eyes, rubbing at them groggily. “I hate you.”

“Good, great! Hold that thought – you'll be needing all the righteous anger and strength you can channel when we have our duel!”

Dirk shook his head, wincing as his hair flopped around. How could Jake stand to look at him right now? “That's today, then?”

“Yep! No reason to put it off anymore! Today, after many years of waiting, we will finally have the legendary strife between English and Strider!”

Dirk pushed himself off the bed, stumbling over to his bag and dragging it over towards the stairs.

“It will be an epic event, one that will be remembered for centuries to come! One day they will write tales of our battle, and of the amazing fucking coolness of it!”

Dirk stomped downstairs, Jake trailing behind him.

“Yes – one day when we are remembered as the most godly heroes this world – no, this universe – has ever seen, people will write stories – tales – songs – _epics_ about this day!”

Dirk walked, opening the bathroom door and slamming it shut.

“You _are_ excited, right?”

Dirk paused halfway through taking off his shirt. Jake's voice, coming from just outside the door, sounded annoyingly plaintive. Annoying in that suddenly he was feeling bad for no reason. “Obviously,” he said.

Jake was silent. That was never a good sign.

“Maybe I'll be a bit more enthusiastic once I'm more than 20% awake.”

“Oh! Of course!” Jake said, much more happily.

From there he continued to chat away uncaring of Dirk's lack of response. Even when he left to get some things he told Dirk all about it before he went.

Dirk shook his head. Seriously, this boy really was like a puppy sometimes. What Roxy had said yesterday echoed in his mind, though – Dirk really was the only person to actually come to his house since his grandma died, and he was only staying for a week. In that situation, even Dirk had to admit he'd be rather clingy.

When he finally left the bathroom, Jake was waiting by the door again, an odd expression on his face. He glanced to Dirk as though he wanted to say something, but never opened his mouth.

“What?”

Jake shook his head. “Nothing,” he said, but there was a small smile there. He glanced up again at Dirk's hair, then walked away, looking confusingly self-satisfied. Dirk frowned, self-consciously thinking back and trying to figure out what he'd done to make himself look weird, but couldn't think of anything.

They left the house from the front way this time, Jake practically skipping in anticipation.

“It'll be a good, clean fight, all right? No weapons and no hitting below the belt. And no kicking.”

“What? Why not?”

“Because that's cheap.”

“Which is just another word for 'effective'.”

“It's not! It's fighting dirty. Like throwing sand in someone's eyes.”

“Kicking takes skill. It's something you actually have to work at, not just grabbing a fucking handful of sand and chucking it.”

“Well we're not kicking! This is fisticuffs. Not...legicuffs.”

“Why do you get to decide all this? All right, next time we fight with swords.”

“But that's not fair! I can't use a flipping sword!”

“And you fight more with fists than I do.”

“Which means you use your fists at all, i.e., more than I use swords. Besides, swords are girly weapons.”

“What.”

“They are! They're old-fashioned. Get with the times, grandpa!”

Dirk almost choked. Jake's smile was so wide it almost hurt to look at.

“You smiled!”

“What?”

Jake shrugged, looking far too goddamn pleased with itself. “I made you smile.”

“It was a bitter smile at the utter irony that you are sadly completely unaware of.”

“Still counts.”

“Counts for fucking what? Is there some competition I'm unaware of?”

“Yes. We're all taking bets. I'm winning.”

“Are you so sure about that?”

For a moment Jake actually looked worried. “Wouldn't I be?”

Dirk frowned thoughtfully, tapping a hand to his chin. “Hmm...”

“Come off it. I'd clearly win. Right?”

“Jesus you are insecure sometimes.”

Jake puffed up. “I'm not insecure! It's just that we're best bros, right? You make _me_ smile the most!”

Somehow this conversation had taken a weird turn. “Really?”

“Yeah!” Jake nodded, then went quiet again.

“...but seriously, how the fuck are swords girly. They are classic symbols of stealth and precision.”

“Yeah, chopping something to bits is so much more precise than a clear shot from a sniper from thirty metres away.”

Dirk stopped walking. “What's that sound?”

“What? Oh...” Jake's face fell. Dirk immediately took out his katana.

“What's wrong?”

“Oh, that's just...um.”

“What?”

“The brobot.”

Dirk smirked, replacing the sword into his sylladex. “Ah.”

Jake pouted, standing still where he was. 

“This will be interesting, then.”

Jake shot him a strange look and for a moment Dirk was actually confused. Then Jake looked away again and certain facts fell into Dirk's mind.

Fact: Jake was complaining that the brobot was too difficult to fight.

Fact: Dirk had deliberately configured the novice mode to be more of a training mode, well below where Jake's ability should be.

Fact: Dirk may have a little bit sort of configured other things into novice mode.

Ah. _That._

Dirk turned away, his entire body spasming into a state of stiff tension. His mind blared out a very belated warning: ' _No! Fucking_ stop!' But it was too late: it was already done.

He'd thought about it, of course, beforehand. A bit. And he'd decided that, as dangerous as it was, he had to do _something_ about the whole Jake thing – he couldn't just stand around doing nothing for three years. And Jake had already proven himself oblivious enough that even the AR's more tasteless comments had failed to make an impact on him ( _probably?_ ), so it was like a test, too, sort of, in a way. So in a burst of action he'd done it, comforting himself with the knowledge that, however Jake reacted, Dirk wouldn't be around to see it.

He was an idiot. He was an idiot ten times over. A hundred.

(It had been a programming oversight. It happened all the time that you programmed something to happen and it turned into something else. Wasn't it funny how similar punching and stroking motions were? Hahaha. Ha. Haha.)

In the pink haze of embarrassment overtaking his vision, Dirk watched as the brobot arrived, clearly not set to novice mode. He swallowed, fists clenched so tight his nails were digging into his palm. Okay. Fuck. Okay. That was good.

So when the brobot took out his sword, he forced a smirk. Jake smiled grimly, taking out his pistols.

“You know, this is rather interfering with our duel,” Jake said, back to Dirk.

“I'm okay with that.”

Dirk stepped back, crossing his arms. What did Jake think about it? Had he even set it to novice mode ever? Now that he thought about it, he couldn't remember him ever bringing it up, even with the autoresponder. Not that Dirk had ever mentioned anything specific either. What if he thought it was all some big joke? What if he didn't think it was all some big joke?

Fuck. Fuck!

That was fucking it, he was officially swearing off from ever making spur of the moment decisions again, ever. Nothing he did would happen without at least two hours of planning and analyzing time beforehand. Spontaneity was dead to him. Dig a grave and roll that sucker in, light it on fire and dump three tons of earth on top. Dead as Nic Cage's acting career. _Done._

Jake and the brobot began to strife, and Dirk let his eyes follow it, glad to have something he could pretend to concentrate on while he fucking thought about this. Just yesterday he'd been wondering whether Jake knew. Could it be that he did after all? He must, right? Not even Jake could be this oblivious. But the idea of him knowing made even less sense. Jake had always been the oblivious, straightforward one who said everything he thought. He was caught between an impossible idea and a hard place. In absence of any real reason to decide either way, there wasn't really anything he could do but elect to continue acting as he had been, as though Jake didn't know.

And seriously, what the fuck was up with this thing anyway? He sure hadn't told it to go fight Jake. Was the AR screwing with it again? Oh fuck oh fuck _oh fuck_ that _cocksucker_ , he'd be having words with it later on -

He was only vaguely aware as the fight between Jake and the brobot continued. When a motion caught his attention and he saw Jake struggling he chuckled instinctively to hide his inattention, but paused before he drifted into thought again. Something else was bugging him.

Something was going wrong.

Jake was shooting wildly, bullets going in every direction. Jesus fucking christ, he was so fucking lucky Dirk hadn't been hit by a stray one yet. Dirk's eye twitched almost painfully. But he wasn't just screwing around – Jake's expression was set, eyes grim. As Dirk watched, the brobot evaded the bullets with absurd ease, then used his katana to block each one. 

Suddenly the gun clicked – Jake glanced at it in shock, then threw it at the brobot's head where it bounced off harmlessly. Instead, the brobot flew forward, grabbing hold of Jake. He tried to pull away, managing to escape when his jacket ripped, but the brobot continued to advance and Jake fell to the ground.

Jake was losing. Not just that – he was being demolished. Badly.

Dirk's eyes widened. His hand immediately came to his glasses. Jake's words from yesterday came to him and he frowned deeply. But he didn't hesitate, and turned off the brobot immediately.

The mechanical noises slowed and the brobot stilled, fist raised above Jake. Jake flinched, hand raised to protect his head, but then opened an eye. Seeing the robot had stopped, he collapsed backwards, resting his hand on his face with a sigh.

Dirk had never been so angry. He marched over, hands shaking. Before had been nothing – now, his mind was working a hundred miles an hour and it was all bad, what the actual fuck, what the _actual fuck_. His breath had caught, choking him, and for a few long seconds he wanted nothing more than to haul Jake up and to force him to continue fighting, to never stop until his bro forced him to go back home – to stay as long as possible.

He pushed the brobot away, leaving it to clang on the ground. Ignoring it, he knelt down to pick Jake up roughly.

Jake shook him off, looking at him. “You turned it off.”

“Yes.”

Jake frowned at him, his mouth contorting in a strange way.

Dirk held out a hand, his expression blank.

He should have realised. They hadn't fought before, not yet, but he'd seen the way Jake moved, had watched him pretend. Surely if Dirk was good enough he'd be able to tell? Memories of Jake boasting about his accomplishments and getting excited over fighting Dirk and being annoyed when Dirk tried to help him out -

He had _no fucking idea._

Maybe Dirk was wrong. Maybe there was no problem at all. When he really sat and thought about it, the evidence was pretty fucking weak. But he couldn't think, there was no time to think, he had to – he had to – 

Jake hesitated. “I'm fine.” But Dirk's hand didn't waver, and after some time Jake finally took it, gingerly standing up. He was limping, and his good hand pressed against a large red stain in his t-shirt that Dirk refused to acknowledge.

“I'm serious. It's not like I haven't gone through this before,” he mumbled, even as he let Dirk lead him onward. He stumbled, leaning on him heavily, but he refused to look Dirk in the eye and his expression was one of utmost concentration and annoyance.

Dirk ignored him.

Slowly, he steered them through the house, walking carefully so as not to bump Jake unnecessarily. His emotions had done a 180 and now it was physically difficult not to just lay Jake where he was on the ground and get him a blanket and fucking wash his feet or something, jesus those wounds looked painful. He'd felt pain like that before. It wasn't good. That he was holding up without crying out at all was showing more self-discipline than he'd thought Jake capable. He didn't want to see Jake like this ever, _ever_ again.

Eventually, they reached the bathroom. As soon as they were there Dirk realised there were probably other bathrooms through the house that he could have gotten to more easily, but fuck that. They were here now. He pushed open the door and led Jake to the bath, sitting him on the edge. He turned around, rummaging through the cabinet for first aid supplies. Thankfully, Jake was at least sensible enough in this respect, and he found a kit.

He reached for Jake's leg but Jake pulled it away. He looked exhausted and his voice was hoarse but he was clearly no less angry for that. “I can take care of this at _least_.”

“No. You can't.”

Jake snorted humorlessly. “Let me guess – I'm just some helpless little child and once again it's up to Dirk Strider to do everything for me!”

“Apparently.”

“Jesus!” Jake pulled his leg away again, wobbling and nearly unbalancing into the bath. “Just because I can't fucking flashstep or – whatever you do, that doesn't mean I'm any worse than you!”

Dirk stared at him. All that indignant anger – he had genuinely had no idea. Nor had Dirk. How had there been this break in communication? When they both spoke about toughness and ability and fighting, were they talking about completely different things this entire time? How had this happened?

He didn't want to see Jake like this _ever again._

“Yes,” he said, and the quiet waver in his voice surprised even him. “Yes, it does.”

Jake closed his mouth, staring down at him. His eyes still blazed but he waited, listening.

Dirk frowned. He looked downwards, putting down the kit and sitting down at Jake's feet. Jake stayed silent, watching him. Dirk shook his head. He'd sworn off on spontaneous decisions just a few minutes ago, but all of a sudden that whole thing seemed so stupid he couldn't believe he'd been so worked up about it. What did any of that even matter? He wasn't concentrating on the important things. He never was.

It was a lot harder to talk in real life than over pesterchum. Well, fuck, duh, that was obvious, but apparently this was news to him, too. Seems being with Jake was teaching him an awful lot.

He breathed out. “Just... fuck.” He looked away. He couldn't concentrate when he saw the multitude of cuts and bruises over his legs. It was making him feel like panicking again. That was never good.

“Just...” He clenched his fists. Finally, he thought he knew what he had to say. “Did you know,” he said, unclenching his fists and flexing his fingers; clenching them again. “That my bro and I have strifed nearly every goddamn day since I was a little kid? Every goddamn day. Since I was, like, four or some shit. Think I enjoyed that? _Fuck_ no. He was bigger and stronger than me and it was years before I was even half as good as him. He's still more experienced than me – so I had to become better at other things. Faster. Stuff even he couldn't do.”

He scratched the back of his neck, still refusing to look Jake in the eyes. “Now, here's the million dollar question: exactly why the fuck does a guy spent years all together fighting with his kid brother? Is he just that obsessive? Is he some big strifing affictionado and is too much of a loser to find a real opponent? Does he just get his kicks out of beating up children? Or...” He shook his head. He was being stupid. “Or... is it not just fighting after all? Is it... is it training?”

Jake was silent. Dirk breathed in and out slowly, choosing the words to match to his thoughts carefully. “I know, I know – what, like there's some big conspiracy or what the fuck ever? But every now and then he just stares into space and – And after that, we always end up fighting again. He never holds back. He's always pushing, harder and harder.”

Finally, he looked up. He held Jake's gaze. “I sent you the brobot because I thought you were up to that level. You're not. So clearly, no. You can't take care of yourself.”

Jake swallowed. The look he was giving him was one of utmost pity and concern, and Dirk felt a rush of self-righteous apathy. So the fuck what? If it convinced Jake to take this shit seriously, it was worth it.

“It might be nothing,” Jake said quietly.

“You think I don't fucking know that?” He held onto his knees, clenching tightly. “You think I'm not aware of how idiotic I sound even saying all this?”

“You don't sound like an idiot.”

“Then shut the fuck up and let me do your wounds.”

Jake blinked. He glanced away, then back. Almost guiltily, he nodded.

First it was necessary to wash the wounds; with how much Jake was hitting the ground, he'd have to get the dirt out of it. He used the washcloth, squeezing water onto his legs and dabbing at the cuts. Apart from an odd, faint wince, Jake didn't move.

It took time. The hair covering his legs and arms certainly didn't help. However, he stuck to the revealed skin, leaving his clothes where they were.

That done, he reached for the antiseptic. He worked as carefully as possible, waiting for Jake to calm and ready himself each time. It was a delicate process.

It was a thing he'd done many, many times before. At first his bro had helped him out – wasn't willing to risk a kid getting infected, he guessed. But soon he drifted further and further away until Dirk was on his own. At the time he had resented it, but in recent times he'd come to understand. Taking care of yourself isn't just about holding your own in battle, it's what you do after you're injured. You're not going to survive long if you go all-out and half kill yourself, leaving yourself ready to be picked by your next opponent. Survival is about strategy.

It was the first time he'd done this for someone else, though.

Done with this, he removed the bandages. They were pure and white and looked strange on Jake, who seemed destined to be dark and natural and real. They twined around him firmly until he was littered with bandages. Even the smallest wound was tended to.

When he was done he continued to touch Jake's arm. Then he nodded and leaned back.

Jake looked at him with an expression Dirk had never seen him wear before. He didn't understand it. He was frowning, his eyes deep.

Jake's voice was quiet. “Just because you can do this for me doesn't mean you have to do _everything_ for me.”

Dirk nodded. “I know.”

*

He didn't know how he felt.

Feelings weren't really something he generally paid too much attention to, especially these sorts of feelings. He didn't know the vocabulary, the categories, the distinctions of difference. Not that it would help if he were into that – most people out there seemed perfectly content to keep love like some kind of mysterious, unpredictable wild animal. That wasn't him. He wanted the truth. He was going to find it.

What even was 'love'? He loved Jake, but he also loved Jane and Roxy and his bro and Lil' Cal and Squarewave and Sawtooth and Rainbow Dash and fucking peanut butter ice cream. The word could not possibly be more vague. An explanation that can describe anything describes nothing. There were worlds of differences in those loves. But even if he split it up – romantic love and familial love and friendship and love for hobbies and love for experiences – it still would barely help. He felt some degree of familial love for Jane and Roxy, perhaps, and he certainly felt friendship for Jake. And the love between him and his bro was ridiculously dissimilar from Roxy's love for her mom, and even from Jane's perspective her love for her dad was likely not identical to her love for her grandpa.

And even then there were so many nuances it didn't cover. The satisfaction he felt when he was better than Jake – when he could help him and explain things to him and protect him. The mixture of annoyance and admiration when Jake had his flashes of insight. The amusement and helplessness and maybe attraction, sometimes, when Jake did something really ridiculous. How was this 'love'? It was a stupid idea. And it wasn't consistent. Sometimes he'd talk with Jake about the most serious of subjects and he'd be perfectly calm, and other times he'd just catch sight of the back of his head, like just now, and it would be like a punch in the gut.

He just loved him _so much_ , sometimes.

And he didn't know what to do with it. Sometimes he just wished he could fucking put it in a box and wrap it up like a present with a little bow or some shit and just give it to him, and maybe Jake couldn't return the gift, but he could still see it and smile and admire it and look it over when he felt bad and remember that he was loved. He could make Jake so happy, but he wasn't allowed to, and that was fucking stupid.

So he held it in, arms wrapping around himself and pushing back against it, but it still leaked out of the corners and cracks of him, drip by drip. He fumbled, but his hands couldn't be everywhere, and the drops themselves weren't visible, maybe, but the trails were there, clear and liquid.

He didn't understand why Jake didn't notice. He didn't understand why Jake didn't just say something already. Dirk wanted to, that was for sure. He wanted to know what he wanted to do and how to do it and do it, maybe in some big event, maybe in some subtle overriding plan with lots of probabilities and best guesses and subtle nudges and clever analyses. But he didn't know how to do any of it, so he froze, trussed up wrists to ankles by his own thoughts, stiff and uncomfortable but there was no other way, was there?

He didn't want to hurt Jake. He didn't want to be a bother to him. He didn't want to see in Jake's eyes the look that flashed in Dirk's when he read the words Roxy sent him a year ago.

There were more important things than that. He and Roxy were still friends, fuck, she could joke about it all now, but all that was still yet to happen with Jake. There were all sorts of things he could be worrying about that. But when he thought about that...

He breathed in, trembling, fingers hovering over the keys of his laptop. He breathed out, slowly, picking up another tune, tapping the beat on keys J, I, O, and ;. He was overreacting, being ridiculous. He had a fucking amazing life – money and family and friends and hobbies. He was nothing special – basically everyone got a crush on someone sometimes. Jesus, he was fifteen. What, was he convinced that this was true love or something and that they'd get married at eighteen and live happily ever after? Years from now he'd look back and realise how stupid he was being. He needed to realise that now.

He was overreacting. He was Jake's friend. He had kind of a crush on him. He wanted to fuck him. He was just some teenager too caught up in his own head. That was all.

He opened his eyes, opening a new tab. He wasn't going to think about this any more. He'd wasted enough time on it already.

*

Dirk dug through the bag, pulling this and that out. He was pretty sure he put it in this bag with the other electronics. It wouldn't make sense for it to be anywhere else.

He noticed something small and plastic and, confused, pulled it out; condoms.

He flushed, then immediately regretted it. Glancing to his side to make sure Jake wasn't looking (of course he wasn't, he was wearing that ridiculous headset again) he shoved them into his pocket.

Bro. Of course.

Probably just an irritating joke – he never was much one for subtlety. But then there was the terrifying possibility that bro actually did know everything that was going on to the smallest detail. Unfortunately, this was likely to be the correct option. No matter how strongly Dirk guarded his computers he always seemed to find out anything he wanted to know anyway.

Unless he and the AR were having conversations. But that thought was vastly more terrifying and in any case there wouldn't be anything Dirk could do about it if it were true, so Dirk pushed the idea away.

He returned to his search. It had to be here somewhere...

After everything in the bathroom, the two had retreated upstairs again. With the duel clearly put on hold for the time being, their plans for the day had suddenly vanished. Left to stew, Dirk had gotten caught up in his own thoughts and languished in them. After a while, it had just gotten too bad and he'd given up, looking for something else to do. It was about time he suggested something, anyway – Jake might technically be the host, but they were still friends.

Finally, he found it. He picked the machine up, taking it over to where the projector had been. He sat there staring around in frustration for a full minute before admitting defeat.

“Where do I plug this in?”

Jake pushed up the helmet. “Oh, an Xbox? I have one of those!”

“Well, this one's here.”

Jake pulled the helmet off completely, dropping it on the couch beside him. “I dunno. I think you just sort of put it there and it detects it.”

“Ser-ok never mind, I really have to get used to all this ridiculous technology you have.”

“I thought you'd have all this same stuff?”

“No.”

Ok, so maybe playing games wasn't the most original idea in the world. Really, Roxy was the only one of them who played regularly. Still, it was better than nothing.

Dirk turned on the xbox and the projector; unbelievably enough, it did work.

“What the flipping fuck is this?” Jake asked doubtfully, peering up at the title.

“Jesus. I know I said I'd get used to this technology, but come on – how the fuck can it create a 3D projection of a 2D game? How?”

“I dunno.” Was this guy just the most uncurious person in the world?! “You didn't answer my question.”

“This,” Dirk said with what he felt was a certain degree of drama that Jake really should appreciate, “is Grand Snack Fuckyeah 2: Off Da Hewk.”

Jake did not appear to be doing any appreciating. “It looks crap.”

“Well done, it appears Mr. English does have some standards after all,” Dirk said, picking up the controllers and sitting on the sofa, handing one to Jake. “Of course it's crap. It's probably the crappiest game I've ever played. Well, apart from Big Rigs, obviously, but that goes without saying.”

“So why are we playing it, then?”

“You made me watch all those movies to increase my film education, right? Well, now it's my turn. And your irony education has been _severely_ stunted.”

Jake pulled a face. “There's – there's no way I'm getting out of this, am I?”

Dirk shook his head seriously. “There's only so much ignorance – wilful ignorance especially – that one can stand before one is forced to take action.” He pressed the button to start the game, then pressed it a few more times. “Just – a sec, sometimes it takes a while.”

Jake groaned. Dirk grinned.

*

Jake was lying on the couch, one leg off the edge, head up against the far edge. Dirk was sitting with his legs up under him, leaning back. The couch wasn't big and their feet and legs overlapped comfortably.

“Seriously, how much technology do you even have? It must use up a shit-load of uranium.” Dirk banged at the buttons, trying to execute a difficult trick. Not that it mattered – he was theoretically battling Jake, but he was clearly much more interested in their conversation and was just skating around aimlessly.

Jake shrugged. “Guess so! Some stuff uses power from the volcano, but yeah, mostly it's uranium. Grandma really had a thing for it, for some reason. Totally weird – volcano power is so much cooler, don't you think?”

“Actually, I believe I would describe lava as distinctly uncool.”

“Heh.”

“No wonder you're always bugging me for more, though.”

Jake bristled. “Well, yeah, it uses a lot. Which is why it's so important to keep my stocks high! Can't have everything turning off and all the lights going down all the time, right?”

Dirk wondered how many times that had happened. Obviously a lot, but the exact number? Impossible to say.

“Now that I think about it...” Dirk glanced around the room – there was the bunny, on the desk. “You're still working on that, right?”

Jake looked in its direction. “Well, yeah. Pretty important, after all!”

“Will you need some more uranium for it? From how you've described it, it seems like it'll need a lot.”

“Of course not! I already told you, I have plenty! It's not like I'd just forget about something as important as that, anyway!” Jake said loudly, voice even more heated than before, a sure sign that he had, indeed, not considered that. Dirk decided to be the better person and not point that out.

“Well, whenever you need more, anyway.” He paused, biting his lip as he attempted a grind. Fuck, his character was glitching again. Oh, well. “Actually, if you wanted I could have a look at it for you.”

“What? Why?” Jake didn't sound as grateful as Dirk would have liked. If anything, he sounded more annoyed.

“Because I'm the one here who actually knows a thing or two about robots? Apart from, y'know, actually having made a robot bunny before? And like you said, if it's really that important...”

He glanced; Jake was outright glaring at him. The fuck? Dirk scrambled to correct himself, defend himself, something, but he wasn't sure how to.

“I'm fine,” Jake said curtly, turning back to the screen.

Jesus. Dirk flexed his fingertips over the controller, shifting. Was this about the protecting thing again? He thought they'd covered that already. And wow, he really did not want to think about that any more. He searched for a safe topic to switch to.

“So you do still subscribe to that whole idea, then?”

“What whole idea?”

“About Jade being your grandma.”

Jake watched the screen, hand growing limp on the controller. “...yes. It's complicated, but... I think I'd rather believe it and turn out to be wrong than vice versa, you know? Besides – it's pretty exciting, don't you think?”

“I guess so.” Would he be excited to meet a time-travelling version of his grandparents? Well, okay, Dirk didn't know his grandparents. His bro, then? Maybe. It'd definitely be weird as fuck, though. What did Jake even talk about with Jade? Wouldn't it be really awkward at times? He guessed it was different for him, though – a young version of Jake's grandma would be pretty different to the older version, whereas Dirk's bro wasn't too far off him in terms of age.

“You still don't believe me?”

Dirk shrugged. “No. It all seems pretty intricate, though, this whole thing the girl's come up with, so there must be something behind it. Not time-travel, but something.”

“But isn't that really boring! We have a prime opportunity to believe in this right here, we're practically being begged to, and you can just ignore all that?” Jake whined; at least, his earlier bad mood seemed to have disappeared. “Things like this always turn out to be real, anyway!”

“In movies, yeah. Pretty sure the opposite's true in real life.” Dirk sighed, getting up to restart the game; Jake didn't say a word, clearly uncaring either way. “You really do need to be more like Jane sometimes-”

Jake groaned loudly, suddenly. Dirk raised an eyebrow, slowly turning around. Welp, there was that bad mood back. Dirk really wasn't doing very well this afternoon, was he? Or at all. Fuck.

Jake pursed his lips. “Yes, yes, yes, I know, I need to be more like Jane, blah blah blah.”

“...uh.”

“Heard _that_ before.”

Dirk hesitated, tracing his finger around the power button unconsciously. “Since when does that bother you?”

“Since now? I guess? Whatever.”

Jake was looking away. Dirk stared at him head-on. Seriously, what the fuck was going on? Why was Jake being so touchy this week? Was it just the fact that they were together so much? That they were cooped up together? He'd always thought that since Jake was alone so much, he'd be really glad to be around someone else for a while, but maybe he was wrong. Maybe Jake enjoyed being on his own and was feeling frustrated that Dirk wasn't giving him space. That seemed contrary to Dirk's mental map of Jake, but it made less of a dent into it than any other explanation he could come up with, so it was a real possibility.

Somehow, it felt like Jake was upsetting that mental map a lot lately.

He chose his words carefully. “You do know I say the same thing to Jane, right? That she should be more like you?”

Jake blinked, and then he turned to Dirk. “Wait – really?”

“You didn't know that?”

Jake sighed. “How would I know that? Seriously, Dirk.”

Well, okay. Now Dirk felt a bit silly. He guess he'd never really thought about it before. It wasn't as thought Jake had ever seemed to be bothered by it. Maybe he'd been hiding that all this time? Fuck, that was not a good thought. What else might Dirk be doing that bothered Jake that he didn't know about?

No no no no. He was going to stop that train of thought this instant. He shook his head.

“Well. That's different, I guess,” Jake said, scratching his nose.

“Really?” Dirk frowned. Did Jake really think he thought Jane was better than him? Shit. Had he misjudged the balance here? Had he been leaning too much towards hiding his affection for Jake and accidentally come across cold? “You are my best bro, after all.”

Jake shook his head, smiling all of a sudden. “No, yes, obviously I know _that!_ ”

Dirk nodded, but inwardly remained unconvinced. Why else would it bother Jake to hear that? He got up again, sitting on the couch and restarting the game. He'd just have to be a bit more demonstrative, that was all.

He glanced at Jake. Stumbling just for a moment, the gears began to turn again. Yes, he just needed to think about it, just needed to assess the situation and reposition his frame and figure out how to respond to this. Simple. Just what he'd been doing all along, only a bit more.

Fuck he wished Jake would hurry up and kiss him again.

*

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began bothering timaeusTestified [TT] at 16:15

GG: Hello there!  
GG: How are things on the merry island of mateship?  
TT: Pretty good.  
GG: That doesn't sound very enthusiastic!  
TT: Fine, you got me.  
TT: It's completely amazing. A veritable feast for the senses.  
TT: All of the senses. All of them.  
TT: I was merely attempting to spare your precious feelings.  
GG: Hoo hoo, I gathered as much already!  
TT: Oh yeah, forgot to mention last time, but Jake has a task for you.  
GG: Really?  
TT: Yeah. Remember that movie we were making?  
TT: He wants you and Roxy to film some stuff as well and send it to him, So you two are involved in it as well.  
GG: I see!  
GG: What are we meant to be filming ourselves doing, though?  
TT: He has some ideas which he said he'd email to you,  
TT: But mostly he just seems to want you to film whatever you think might be useful.  
GG: Hrm. That's not terribly helpful!  
GG: So I can just film anything?  
TT: Anything at all.  
GG: Hmmmm.  
GG: I guess I could film myself going around in one of my disguises?  
GG: Maybe searching for clues or whatnot?  
GG: Would that fit into whatever strange conception of plot he has in mind?  
TT: That sounds perfect.  
GG: Great! :B  
GG: …  
TT: What?  
GG: Oh, it's nothing.  
TT: Seriously, what is it?  
GG: Well...  
GG: Actually...  
GG: Could I ask for some advice about something?  
TT: Of course.  
GG: Well,  
GG: I'm sure you've heard about everything going on between Roxy and her mom.  
TT: Yeah, she told me about it yesterday.  
GG: About how she sneaked out and all?  
GG: To go to this club?  
TT: Yeah.  
GG: And you're okay with that?  
TT: What do you mean?  
GG: It's just...  
GG: I don't know! I don't want to be all nosy and seem like her nanna or anything.  
GG: But I just really worry about her sometimes, you know?  
GG: And honestly, I think her mom had kind of a point in this situation!  
TT: Roxy seems to think it's just that she's worried Roxy will cause a scene and ruin her reputation.  
GG: I know. But I don't really see it that way.  
GG: She complains about a bunch, but she obviously loves her a whole lot.  
GG: And I'm sure her mom really cares about her as well.  
TT: Couldn't the same be said about your dad?  
GG: What do you mean?  
TT: You complain about him a lot as well. But he's only trying to help you out.  
TT: Especially, you know.  
TT: Given the whole assassination thing.  
TT: That sort of thing tends to make parents worry just a little, in my experience.  
TT: Of which I have none.  
GG: Hmmm.  
GG: I guess I never thought about it like that!  
GG: But the point is that I don't really know how to say any of this to her, you know?  
TT: What are you so worried about?  
GG: Roxy's just a young girl! Who knows what could happen to her in a club or whatever!  
GG: Apart from the fact that it's really illegal!  
GG: Sometimes it's like she doesn't even...I don't know.  
TT: What?  
GG: It's like she doesn't value herself. She just goes out and does such self-destructive stuff.  
GG: I just worry.  
GG: So what do you think?  
TT: I understand where you're coming from.  
TT: And I think you have a right to worry about this.  
TT: But I think it's a little quick to judge Roxy as not 'valuing herself' just because she doesn't value the same things you do.  
GG: But she could get hurt!  
TT: Just the other day you were talking about possibly sneaking away from the drones to hang out with us,  
TT: Even though you knew you could very well be hurt or even killed doing that.  
TT: You even made a passionate speech about how life isn't worth living if you can't take a risk now and then to do something you enjoy.  
TT: Isn't that pretty much the same thing?  
GG: …  
GG: I guess so.  
TT: If you really are worried, though, I think you should tell her.  
GG: But how?  
TT: Don't just try to tell her what to do.  
TT: Tell her you worry about her and that you'd prefer it if she was safer.  
TT: Be prepared for her to say the same shit back to you, though.  
GG: Hm.  
GG: I have to say that this does all make a lot of sense!  
GG: I'll definitely have to think about all of this!  
TT: Cool.  
GG: Thanks a lot for all this, by the way!  
GG: I don't know what I'd do without you!  
TT: I'm sure you'd be fine.  
GG: No, really!  
GG: It's not like I could exactly talk to Roxy about all this.  
GG: I tried to ask Jake about it all, but he just said that she'd be fine and that if I was really worried I could always say something.  
GG: I mean he was very optimistic and that's great and all, but I was rather looking for advice!  
TT: No problem.  
GG: It's just really good to know that we can talk to each other about these things, you know?  
GG: That we don't always have to hide behind secrets and stuff.  
GG: I guess it just makes me feel a little bad at times having to keep things from Roxy!  
GG: You know what I mean?  
TT: I guess.  
GG: Well, that's what I wanted to say so I guess I'll talk to Roxy now!  
TT: Wait.  
GG: What?  
TT: …  
TT: I think it's my turn to say something.  
GG: What do you mean?  
TT: I haven't really entirely been honest with you, either.  
GG: What do you mean?  
GG: Oh, no! I didn't mean to make you feel bad!  
GG: If you don't want to tell me something, that's ok!  
TT: It's fine.  
TT: It's about time, anyway.  
GG: So what's going on?  
GG: Is something wrong?  
TT: Not really.  
GG: That doesn't sound terribly positive.  
TT: Guess not.  
TT: It's sort of a complicated situation that doesn't lend well to shortened summarizations of the sort required in pesterchum conversations.  
TT: There are a lot of factors involved that I couldn't even begin to list here, or even fully cognize myself.  
GG: Um, ok.  
TT: But I guess to start at the beginning of it all,  
TT: I like Jake.  
GG: ...uh, I know!  
TT: What? Really?  
GG: Well, duh! It's not like we aren't all friends or anything!  
TT: That's not what I meant.  
GG: …I don't think I understand!  
TT: I think you do.  
GG: …  
GG: Wait.  
GG: You don't mean like...  
TT: Yes.  
GG: Oh.  
GG: Oh!  
GG: I see.  
GG: Sorry! I didn't mean to act all weird or anything, haha!  
TT: It's fine.  
TT: That's an understandable response.  
GG: Haha.  
GG: I guess this is just pretty unexpected!  
GG: So this is the problem, then?  
GG: It is a pickle, I'll admit...  
TT: What do you mean?  
GG: Huh?  
TT: …  
GG: …  
GG: ...you are saying that you like Jake, um, romantically, right?  
TT: Yes.  
GG: Well.  
GG: It's not like Jake...  
GG: Well I guess I don't know for sure, but.  
TT: You think he's straight?  
GG: Well, yeah!  
GG: Do you not think so?  
TT: I think I have a good reason to doubt that idea, yeah.  
GG: Really?  
GG: What reason?  
TT: Well...  
TT: We have sort of kissed several times already.  
GG: oh.  
GG: Really?  
GG: Huh.  
TT: That is rather the crux of the issue.  
GG: I see!  
GG: That certainly is.  
GG: Hm.  
TT: I know, it surprised me a lot, too.  
TT: I'm still working through my thoughts on the entire thing.  
TT: Jake is being uncharacteristically mysterious about it.  
TT: I honestly have no idea how to react.  
GG: …  
GG: What do you mean?  
TT: It all started on the first night when he asked whether I'd kissed a guy before.  
TT: So theoretically the whole thing goes down to a simple case of teenage experimentation.  
TT: Other actions he's taken have cast some doubt on this frame of reference, however.  
TT: It would take too long to list them all here, though,  
TT: And even deciding which are relevant and which can be easily explained away is not an easy process.  
GG: Oh.  
GG: Hm!  
GG: That really is a pickle, then!  
TT: The situation is roughly comparable with that of a preserved vegetable, yes.  
GG: Haha!  
GG: Yes!  
GG: Oh!  
GG: You know, now that I think about it, I think it'd be best if I talked to Roxy now, while I'm still thinking about all of this.  
GG: And have your advice fresh in my mind and all.  
TT: That sounds like a good idea.  
TT: Before you go, though,  
TT: I'd like to reiterate the points you made earlier.  
TT: Regarding the pleasantness of having someone to talk to about this.  
GG: Well, that's just me, I guess!  
GG: Friendly Jane helping out her friends!  
TT: Because it really is.  
GG: Haha!  
GG: Me too, old chum!  
GG: Well, I guess I'll get going, then!  
TT: I'll talk to you later.  
GG: Keep me updated!  
GG: Haha!  
TT: Will do.  
GG: Whee!  
gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

*

That had been weird.

Or had it? Jesus, he had no idea anymore. Was he just getting really over paranoid? He was sitting here obsessing about how strangely Jake was acting, and now it seemed like Jane was acting odd as well. Was there some kind of disease going around or something?

Or maybe the whole thing did bother her more than she would like to admit.

It was a depressing thought, but one Dirk had to admit he couldn't entirely dismiss. Jane was a wonderful friend, and he was sure she'd never hurt him intentionally, but... But.

It was surprising how much it _did_ hurt. He always had Roxy, obviously, and Jake, but he wanted Jane as well. It wasn't like he could just run through his address book and pick a new friend out. Roxy, Jake, and Jane were kind of it. Maybe years ago he'd felt satisfied with just three friends, but not now after they'd all been through so much. They were meant to be together, right?

He hated feeling like that. Open. He knew telling people secrets was supposed to make you feel better, but it always just ended up making him feel weird and vulnerable, like he'd given up something that made him _him_ and in doing so reduced the core of his identity. When he was the only one who knew it, he could guard it carefully, like a dragon with a precious gem. The day he'd told Roxy about everything he'd had to stay away from pesterchum for days because everything just felt too...transparent.

He'd thought there shouldn't be any problem with telling Jane. Hell, he'd actually been feeling guilty for keeping it from her for so long given that she had always been so honest with him. Maybe he was wrong.

All of a sudden, it was like his first day on this island again – everything felt too real, too vibrant. All he wanted to do was sit in an unobtrusive chair and go on the internet for a while, immersing himself in a world of colorless words. He almost considered deliberately eschewing his and Jake's nightly session – god knew what _that_ would feel like in his current state. But then Jake might get the wrong idea and he couldn't risk that.

But as time went on and he unthinkingly browsed TV Tropes (all those current pop-culture references didn't come from nowhere; he was devoted to the art, and as with any skill it required regular research) the jitters didn't stop. He felt restless, flexing his fingers and bouncing his feet. In any other situation, he'd just distract himself for a while, maybe play a little Touhou (he always played better when he was stressed), but he had the sneaking suspicion that wouldn't work this time.

He turned the screen off, looking around for Jake. He was sitting over on his bed, doing something on the helmet – from his concentrating posture and the movements of his hands, probably working on the movie.

Dirk didn't even bother to move them to the couch. Instead he sat down next to Jake, tapping the helmet.

“Oi! That's loud!”

Dirk raised an eyebrow. Jake looked surprised, but dutifully took it off, smiling at him.

Immediately he leaned forward to kiss him, eyes clenching shut. It seemed this was the only way to do it – if he wanted to stop thinking for a while, he had to kiss Jake. There were worse ways.

At first Jake responded as usual, sliding his hands around Dirk, but as Dirk pushed forward more aggressively than normal their glasses began to clack uncomfortably and Jake pulled away.

His hands came up, hovering at Dirk's cheeks. “Er, can I...?” Dirk nodded, and Jake slipped the shades off carefully. He held them in his lap, looking down at them with an indecipherable expression.

“What is it?”

Jake looked up, smiling a little, and shook his head. “Sorry, it's just... It means a lot.”

Dirk frowned. What? What was he talking about? 

“Just,” Jake began to explain, “I know you don't really like other people seeing you without your glasses, like your eyes and all. So I...well. I guess I like that you feel okay doing that with me.”

What the fucking hell was he on about? Dirk stared at Jake, expression blank. He had no problem with showing people his eyes. They were kinda weird, yeah, but considering a puppet your friend was at least as weird and he had no problem with people knowing that. Sure, he wore his shades a lot, but that was because they looked badass and as a gesture of ironic affection towards his bro.

“I guess I like that you let me see you, I mean.”

Dirk opened his mouth and closed it. Jake's expression was no longer unintelligible – now, it was all too clear. He just looked so genuinely touched by the action, his eyes shining with affection, that any objections died on Dirk's tongue.

“All right.” He picked the shades up, standing up to put them on the bedside table.

“Hm?”

“All right. I'll keep them off. If it's you I don't mind.”

Jake brightened nigh instantaneously. Holy shit. Dirk turned away, putting the shades down, unable to even look at Jake when he was gazing at him like that. That small kernel of guilt that had been present in the bottom of the stomach ever since he first agreed to this arrangement blossomed forth again like some ugly, brightly-colored flower.

But was it that bad? He did mean everything he said. And it wasn't like he wouldn't be prepared to do that with Jake even if it did mean a lot to him that people not see his eyes. The intent was there. And he was feeling open enough right now already. Having this way of showing Jake he cared without having to make everything worse was a good thing, right? Plus, he needed to prove to Jake that he really did care about him as a friend. If he stopped now, he'd only be confirming Jake's suspicions.

Then they were kissing again and Dirk closed his eyes. It was fine. Everything was fine. As long as they were like this, anyway.


	5. Day Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to anyone who commented or gave kudos, or even just read the previous chapters! It really means a lot to me! :)  
> And, well...I think it's about time we earned that rating up there, don't you? I thought so.

Another morning, and once again Dirk found himself sitting in bed trying valiantly to wake himself up while Jake rushed about, getting ready for some grand adventure he had planned.

“Oh! We should bring this as well – oh, and these, definitely -”

“No pumpkin.”

“What?”

“For lunch. And breakfast. No more pumpkin. Not today, and not the next two days either.”

“Really? Wow, it'll be weird to go without it for so long... Don't think I've not eaten pumpkin for three days since grandma was alive!”

“You and Jane should meet up. You have too many pumpkins, she doesn't have enough. It's a match made in heaven. Pumpkin heaven.”

“Aren't you up yet?”

After some time (more time than Jake would like, as usual), they were finally off, making their way through the house and out the door.

“Dgahh- _Jesus_.” Dirk held his head in his hands, flinching bodily.

“What? What's wrong?!” Jake hovered at his shoulder, almost humming with anticipation.

“Fucking jesus dick,” Dirk muttered, rubbing his eyes. Was this what light looked like?! Fucking _shitface_. Ok, maybe he had been wearing his shades for too long.

It took Jake a few seconds to get it. He chuckled in relief. “Oh, uh, you can wear your shades again if you like.”

“ _Dicking crap_.” Dirk marched back into the house, Jake tailing behind him apologetically.

Some time later (jesus christ but this house was huge) they found themselves outside again, this time much less painfully.

Dirk could already see the ocean in front of them – it was kind of hard not to, given that it surrounded pretty much everything. But as they travelled down the hill and reached the grasslands below, Jake turned away from the nearest coastline, directing them towards the jungle.

“Dude, the beach is right there.”

“Nope, not that one! We're going somewhere else! It's a lot better, I promise!”

Dirk hefted his bag more comfortably onto his shoulder, shrugging. Sure, why not?

They passed through the forest easily enough. Jake seemed to know exactly where he was going, though if he was following a path Dirk couldn't see it. He wondered if this was a place Jake went often. For a moment he felt a tingle of pleasure at the idea of Jake showing him some place important to him that no-one else other than his grandma had ever seen before, but then he immediately felt silly. Of course no-one had ever seen it before – he was probably the first person other than Jake or his grandma to visit this island in years. Which...ok, yeah, was still pretty special, really. Dirk allowed himself a small smile. Now and then, when he and Jake disagreed or didn't understand each other properly, it was all too easy to forget how important Dirk really was to Jake, and vice versa. Little things like Dirk sometimes doing something annoying weren't going to stop that. It was nice.

“No problem with animals this time?”

Jake shook his head. “Nope. Around here at this time of the day we should be fine. They're usually pretty quiet around this season, anyway.” His voice was light, casual; Dirk relaxed.

“You seem to know a lot about them.”

“Only what I need to know to survive. My grandma was more interested in them. Used to study them, actually.”

“Seems like she studied a lot of things.”

“That she did. She was world-famous, she was!”

“Still is. I've heard about her in textbooks.”

“Really?” Jake's eyes glittered with pride; Dirk felt a little guilty he couldn't summon up the same unthinking admiration for his bro. It was a pretty different situation, though. And his bro _was_ pretty cool, it was just that it was a lot harder to have such a simple impression of him when Dirk was given daily proof of what a dork if not outright dick he could be at times.

Jake pushed through a few more bushes, hopping down a couple of rocks. “And here we are!”

If he hadn't known better, Dirk honestly would have thought it was a photoshop, or maybe a place artificially designed by some resort owner or something. Before them was a small glade, a semi-circle of shallow, transparent water lapping gently at snow-white sand. Tall trees and ferns ringed the space, almost totally covering the area like a makeshift roof, keeping the worst of the sun's glare off. Before them, the water slowly deepened and broadened into the impossibly wide expanse that was the pacific ocean.

Dirk raised his eyebrows. It...actually looked quite beautiful. 

And Jake had made it clear that he was deliberately taking them both there.

But even as he thought this Jake was already walking forward, splashing loudly into the water. Dirk stared, Jake's loud voice so jarring against the calm backdrop that for half a second he wondered whether he was doing it on purpose. Obviously Jake hadn't thought about that – it was just that the place looked cool and he wanted to show it to Dirk.

Still. It would be like Jake, wouldn't it? He did have that romantic streak...

“Come in! Oh, wait-” Jake turned around again, dripping distractingly. “Forgot to mention – you should put on sunblock again.”

Dirk frowned, falling back into the present with an almost audible 'thump'. “Uh, it's totally shady.”

“Not completely! Probably just doing it the once will be fine.”

Dirk sat down grumpily as Jake left the water and crouched down to search through his bag. “Since when do you care so much about this shit? Do badasses care if they get a little burnt?”

“The sun can do a lot of damage! Skin cancer is actually a really big problem around this part of the world, especially for people as white as you.” Know-it-all Jake was not a good look. Dirk didn't like it.

“Let me guess, your grandma taught you?”

“I can't help it if you don't think of these things,” Jake said with a really astounding amount of not so latent smugness, none of which helped Dirk's pride. He grabbed the bottle off him.

“Fine.”

He squirted out some of the liquid, rubbing it over his arms. For a moment he had a fleeting thought of making it seductive somehow, but discarded the idea before it has even fully formed. He hadn't gotten any further than his shoulders when suddenly Jake was behind him.

“Here, I'll help-” Jake took the bottle, putting some into his hands and placing them right onto Dirk's back.

Dirk paused, sunscreen dripping slowly from his hands as Jake moved his hands over his skin, rubbing the stuff into him and just generally being sort of wonderful. Was this meant to be some sort of apology for bringing it up? A way to make it less annoying? At any rate, it was working, that was for sure.

Or he was...no. Shit, he was really biased today, wasn't he? Jake was acting weird, maybe, but Jake had been acting weird all week. That wasn't anything new.

When Jake finally moved away (just a little after what might have been expected from anyone else in his position) Dirk hurried to finish covering the rest of his skin, saving his face for last. He removed his shades, blinking the the shadowy light, and put them to one side, putting the sunscreen over his cheeks.

Jake was watching him.

“What?”

Dirk finished, his hands dropping to his lap. Jake leaned forward; Dirk flinched. Then Jake rubbed at his forehead.

“Um, it wasn't rubbed in properly.”

Dirk nodded. “Right.”

Was it just him or...fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Was this happening again? Maybe it was nothing at all. Maybe Jake was just being a friend, and because Dirk was incapable of not seeing sexual tension in these things, he misattributed it to Jake as well. A fact which was not at all helped by the fact that they were both shirtless, or that Jake was now splashing around in the water again, soaking wet.

But when he thought about it, that was kind of silly. Obviously Jake wasn't totally unattracted to him – he did seem to enjoy making out enough. It was pretty unlikely he was totally straight (or asexual or whatever) at this stage. So it really was sexual tension after all, probably, and nothing more. Somehow, that knowledge didn't make Dirk feel any better.

“Are you going to come in or not?”

Dirk folded his arms, settling himself in the sand. “Maybe I'm happy right here.”

“Maybe you're missing the entire point of going to the beach!”

“Maybe beaches are composed of two parts, the ocean or some other large body of water, and the coastline, typically but not always sand, so-”

Jake hurtled towards him, grabbing his shoulders and pulling him. Dirk kicked out at him, grabbing his arm and trying to pull him away; in the process, both fell to the side. A scuffle ensued, one which did not stop when both boys inevitably rolled into the water, seawater splashing every which way and sand getting even into places it was physically impossible for it to be in.

Finally, Jake pinned Dirk into the shallows, water lapping just below his ear, Jake straddling his legs.

Jake grinned. “Got you.”

Dirk raised and eyebrow challengingly and – fuck. He tried to flashstep away, but realised a moment later that it was impossible – speed wasn't going to help him escape from Jake's arms. And they were very strong. His stomach sank.

Jake's grin widened. “Something wrong, there?”

“Nothing at all.”

“Because it looks awfully like I just won, here.”

Dirk narrowed his eyes. “Won what, exactly?”

It should be illegal for a person to radiate so much smugness in a single day. Then again, Jake would probably only break the law anyway, the douche. “Our duel.”

“Our-” Dirk snorted. “This? This was not a duel.”

“Oh yeah?”

“I thought you said no holding back. Which, point of fact? I was.”

“Sure you were. You can't escape now, can you? What would be any different normally?”

“If I weren't holding back I wouldn't be in this position to begin with.”

Jake cleared his throat loudly and Dirk rolled his eyes, ease returning.

Jake leaned forward slightly, tightening his grip; the ease disappeared and Dirk tensed.

“Seriously, can you stop that?” he said irritably.

“Why?”

“Just-” Dirk struggled, feeling more annoyed the more he was unable to move. Now that he'd tried to free himself and been unable he couldn't _not_ think about it anymore. “Don't.”

For a moment it looked like Jake was going to assume this was another challenge and refuse, but something in Dirk's expression must have convinced him otherwise and he backed off.

Dirk immediately sat up, shuffling over and wincing at the feeling of sand where sand should not be. Jake sat next to him, pouting into the distance.

Shit. Everything had been going so well, and now he'd had to be all stupid and moody and ruin it. He frowned, unconsciously curling in over himself a little. Well, it was only a matter of time, anyway.

“What is it?” 

Very little time at all, in fact. “What?” he said warily.

“ _It _. Or – they? I don't know. Just this week I've felt like sometimes you've – I've said something to offend you.”__

At first Dirk remained on guard, carefully wondering how he'd talk his way out of this one. But at Jake's last phrase, all of these thoughts melted away. Of course Jake would have to make it about himself and make Dirk feel bad. Fuck him. Just fuck him.

He wanted to help Jake. He wanted to protect him. He wanted Jake to look up to him. And then he had to go and fall for him and be all stupid and awkward and weird.

Dirk sighed, leaning back on his hands and looking out at the ocean. What a paradox – simultaneously so free and open, and yet reigning them in and barricading them together. There was no getting out of this one, was there? Well, there was – it didn't take him too long to think of ways out of it. But... maybe he should just do it. Make up for lying to him about his shades the night before. It was just something stupid and small, anyway.

“You haven't said anything to offend me.”

“Then make you feel bad. Something,” Jake insisted.

“It's nothing.”

“Would it help if I rephrased it? You're making me feel bad by not telling me. Feel guilty.”

“...all right, I have to admit, that does sound manipulative.”

“Is it working?”

“No.” But Dirk dug his hands into the sand. Even his token resistance disappeared. “Look, it's -” He paused, but Jake was silent. Dirk breathed out. “I know I'm not like you, all right? I just don't like being reminded of that.” He spoke slowly, but it was easier than he expected. Maybe because he'd already done something like this yesterday? Jake was actually a pretty easy person to talk seriously to.

Though he could only see him out of the corner of his eye, Dirk was absolutely certain that Jake actually did a double-take. Dirk allowed himself a moment to feel smug. Even completely misapplied smugness was legitimate – that was the value of smugness.

“What on earth are you talking about, Strider?”

“I'm not...” Jesus, this was stupid. But Jake was still giving him those eyes and fuck it, the only reason not to just keep talking at this point was cowardice. He breathed out. “All...strong. And, you know. Built, attractive. I'm just kinda scrawny. Pale. That's it.” _And I know you think I'm a girl for caring about that at all. Which is stupid and sexist because there's nothing wrong with being a girl, but I'm not. And I do._

Jake was still staring at him incredulously; Dirk frowned, defenses rising. “So?”

Jake furrowed his brow, but his gaze was no less intense. He seemed to be thinking carefully, but what finally came out was “You think I'm attractive?”

Dirk stared at him. It was almost comforting, in way, to know that even in as charged situations like these Jake English would never stop being an idiot.

“I mean – well, yes, obviously.” Jake adjusted his glasses. “Just – this is all a bit difficult to understand for me!”

“Obviously.”

“No, not-” Jake pursed his lips. “Don't – you don't get to look at me like that, all dubiously, and then act surprised when I say that I find you attractive as well.”

...ok. Well. He'd admit a point just this once.

“Just-” Jake chuckled. “I don't think there's any reason to worry there. Especially on that strength business – it's not like just yesterday I wasn't beating myself up over that exact thing. And it's not like you couldn't talk circles around me.”

Dirk listened.

“And, well, I'm hardly perfect either!”

Dirk gave him the look again. (Later he would regret this. What was he trying to say there – 'like shit you're not perfect?' Idiot.)

“It's true! I can't do half of what you can. And – well, I look kind of weird as well.”

“How exactly?”

Jake coughed, and Dirk couldn't tell whether it sounded annoyed or amused. “Well, just – my skin is so dark and all, and...” he gestured vaguely.

It took a few moments for what he was saying to sink in. “...you cannot seriously be telling me you look imperfect based on – your race.”

“No, of course not!” Jake said quickly, waving his hands. “I mean, obviously that's stupid and all, and – we're behind all that.”

“You think so? Because I would disagree there.” Dirk looked over him. It wasn't like he wasn't aware that Jake was Asian, nor the same for Jane. He had made a conscious effort to deal with it right – neither of them seemed to made a deal about it at all, so Dirk had followed their lead and never really brought it up. But over the years, it had drifted further and further from a conscious thought, especially given that nearly 100% of their conversations took place over pesterchum. Meeting up with him in person had brought that up again, but at this point Dirk was so busy thinking about things and talking to Jake and not acting weird and everything else that he just didn't notice it at all.

Now that he thought about it, he didn't even know where Jake was from, originally. South east Asia, probably, but where? Shit, was that bad? His grandma had looked paler, but maybe that was just because she was dead? Come to think of it, she'd looked a bit like Jane, really. Oh god – was he being the most racist person ever?? He was just going to not think that anymore ever.

“Really?” Jake asked seriously.

Dirk shook his head at himself. “No, don't just agree with me. You can think what you want.”

Jake bit his lip. “I'm not sure. I rather suspect you'd know more than me here.”

“I'd know more how you feel? Because that's the important thing.”

Jake looked at him properly. He really was beautiful. He was silent, looking thoughtful.

Dirk looked away. The conversation was over, right? It was definitely over. “So are we gonna do this beach shit? Or just sit around talking all day?”

“Oh, right.” Jake moved away again; had they drifted closer? He actually looked a little relieved. Dirk didn't blame him – that was more than enough serious conversation for one day. The creeping feeling of vulnerability had overtaken him again but showing it would only make him feel worse. The best thing to do right now would just be to shake it off and pretend nothing was wrong. “Like I'm not going to do that anyway!”

“Silly me, of course you are.”

“Let's make a sandcastle!”

“A what? Jesus, what are we, six?”

“Come on, it's fun!” Jake raised himself onto his knees, shuffling back and digging into the sand. “You make a tower, I'll get started on the moat!”

Reluctantly, Dirk did as ordered, though not without complaints. But as usual, Jake had a habit of turning even the stupidest ideas into something that might actually have been a bit fun, and the time seemed to fly by.

“And here's the secret room with the treasure!”

“Pretty big secret room. Don't people ever wonder what's in it? Like, every single fucking day they walk past this building, and not one of them ever stops to think 'oh shit, maybe there's something fucking in there'?”

“It's booby trapped. People try to get in, they get shot.”

“Ok, so now people _definitely_ know there's something in there. Not gonna protect nothing. So now they're only going to try harder.”

“Impossible. The security's too tight – no-one can get in.”

“Except a certain devil-may-care adventurer with undoubtedly chiselled abs, right?”

“And his stylishly handsome partner in crime, yes!”

“Who is presently waiting around outside bitching about having better things to do.”

“And is being told that that is impossible because there is never a better thing to do than adventure!”

As Dirk pounded the painfully soft sand into something resembling a wall, he was reminded of the castlegrounds he'd seen in the game so far. How would Jake react to all of that? Excitement, no doubt. Would probably spend hours exploring over the entire moon and talking to people. Damn lucky Prospit dreamers.

He wondered whether it was possible for a Derse dreamer to see Prospit. He thought he'd like to see it.

Eventually Jake decided they'd spent enough time working on the castle and announced his desire to catch a fish. No amount of ridicule or criticism on Dirk's part could talk him out of it, and before he knew otherwise Dirk was lying down next to a partially-complete but clearly enthusiastically-made sandcastle watching Jake standing knee-deep in seawater bending over in some fruitless search.

Dirk leaned back, resting his head on his arm against the sand and closing his eyes. There was something very pleasant about all of this – the feel of the warm sand against his skin, the soft sound of the wind in the trees and Jake splashing around, the smells of the nearby jungle. The warmth seemed to enclose them, as though the whole world had shrunk to this small clearing.

Not only that – it was a very physical pleasure. A sensual one. He opened one eye, propping up just enough to watch Jake. There was a fantastic life in him that Dirk honestly thought couldn't quite be captured by anyone else. He pulsed with energy and movement and excitement, water droplets trailing down his chest firm from work and still riddled with the scars of yesterday. (Now that Dirk thought about it, he really shouldn't be getting sand or seawater into those. Wasn't it stinging? Was he really that tough? He seemed fine, though, Dirk couldn't bring himself to care too much right now.) His voice was loud and forceful, with a lack of self-consciousness or uncertainty. His movements were sure, even as he swiped vainly at the water.

Jake was a very physical person. That was a really kind of wonderful thing.

Dirk was more of a mental person. That was also a wonderful thing. Where Jake had his open house and the surrounding jungle, Dirk had the man-made Texas City and his concrete and metal apartment. Where Jake's surroundings were wild and big, Dirk's were refined and controlled. Where Jake had the pounding heart and beading sweat of life, Dirk had the cold steel and smooth coverings of his robots. Where Jake opened his eyes to the multitudes of beautiful colors and shapes before him, Dirk narrowed his vision to focus on one thing and one thing entirely, flickering over words at such speeds that the meanings seemed to spring into his mind without any physical movement at all. But maybe they weren't quite so different. Just as Jake traversed far plains and plundered abandoned dungeons that existed only in his imagination, so too did Dirk explore the minutiae of the world, engaging with it on a level impossible to comprehend in daily living. There was a beauty in the abstract, a perverse sort of perfect order, a silver-coloured logic that always made sense eventually when you thought about it hard enough. It was a celebration of reality, of the world, no less real than when Jake would smile at a passing bird.

But emotions weren't abstract. They were real and physical and there. Emotions made your breath quicken, your stomach turn into knots, your fists clench. Emotions triggered real responses in the brain, fired this neuron rather than that. Emotions even made you act – made you struggle to please and attempt to ignore, made you smile and frown and laugh, made you run, made you stop, made you grab, made you thrust.

Maybe it was necessary for as mental a person as Dirk to have as physical a person as Jake as a partner. Certainly that physicality was necessary in these matters.

He couldn't quite think of what that left him to give Jake, though, not in a relationship like that. But then, hadn't Jake said he found him attractive?

“What are you thinking about?”

Dirk tried not to jump. “Huh?”

Jake smiled at him. He was kneeling beside him, looking down; water dripped over Dirk's face and he shook it off. “You've just got that look on your face you get when you're thinking.”

“Oh, nothing, really.”

“Is that possible? For you to think nothing, I mean.”

“I certainly can't while you keep blabbing on like that.”

Jake chuckled, lying down next to Dirk and looking up at the sky. Despite his earlier assurances he remained silent, breathing deeply as he closed his eyes.

Dirk watched him. There were faint freckles over his cheeks and shoulders, though not as obvious as Dirk's. There was stubble on his chin – clearly, he didn't pay much attention to shaving. Actually, Jake had a lot of hair all over him. And then there were his eyes, that mysterious green color – the exact same shade as the text he used over pesterchum.

He was really sort of painfully attractive.

There really wasn't anything weird about this, was there? They'd been making out for days. They'd already admitted to being attracted to each other. And in the mild haze brought on by the atmosphere, Dirk was feeling unusually mellow.

He propped himself up a little and, hesitating just enough so Jake was aware of what he was doing, kissed him.

It was a slow kiss, one for its own sake. Jake melted into it, moving his lips almost luxuriously, as though Dirk were a particularly rich piece of chocolate.

Dirk leaned back a bit. A smile spread across Jake's face even as he failed to open his eyes.

Jake let out a long breath. “I like it when you do that.”

This is really happening a lot today, Dirk thought, but the silence was nice enough.

Jake chuckled. “And yes, I do know. But I mean, you kissing me.”

“...yeah, that's what I thought you meant,” he said quietly.

“I mean... you doing it, and not me.” He opened an eye, propping himself up enough to speak to Dirk face to face. “You're not exactly the most...expressive guy? So I like it when you can just say when you like things, and do them. And...” He glanced away, just for a second, just enough. Shyly. “I suppose I like it when I'm the thing you like, too.”

Dirk opened his mouth, then closed it. He looked away, but Jake was right in front of him, so his gaze inevitably drifted back. His throat felt heavy.

“I...” he said, then paused, both emboldened and suddenly wary of the spark in Jake's eyes. “I...like hearing that.”

Jake swallowed.

The next thing he knew, he was looking up at the treetops above him, heart pounding. He sat up slowly, shaking.

No. Not like this.

He curled his fingers, then stretched them again. No. He couldn't. He still had things... He still had things stopping him, things he needed to do. He couldn't do it until he worked past those things. He knew that. So he couldn't do it. Not yet.

Not yet.

“I guess we should probably eat, now,” Jake said behind him, and Dirk had never been more thankful for English obliviousness. He shook his head, turning back.

“Sounds good,” he said.

*

The sky was turning a bright shade of pink, the shadows cast by the overhanging trees fading more and more as the area grew darker. Dirk stretched, feeling his muscles ache with satisfaction – he'd finally gone in for a swim after lunch and it had actually been pretty fun. The air was growing cold, but Jake had already shuffled to sit close beside him, which helped.

“We should probably go back soon.”

Jake shrugged. “If you want. But I know this place pretty well, so it's not like we'll get lost or anything.”

“Even in pitch-black darkness?”

Jake raised an eyebrow. “Of course!”

“Right.” Dirk took a swig of water, watching the sky in front of them. The sun was out of sight, of course, but this view was still pretty impressive. “The wildlife?”

“Nothing to worry about. Er, a bunch of them are nocturnal, actually, but they tend to be the herbivorous ones, for some reason.”

“Guess it's harder to hunt down prey at nighttime?”

“Maybe!” Jake leaned over, arm to Dirk's. “Actually – see that?”

Dirk looked where he was pointing. “What is it?”

“Bees.”

Dirk watched – a whole group of them, all pure white, crossed through the jungle behind them. “Are they dangerous?”

“Not unless you go near their honey. Which is a shame, because it's really delicious! Haven't had any since grandma died, though. Way too much work.”

“Huh. Why are they all white like that?”

Jake shrugged. “No idea. Think they all came from the same place – according to grandma, their DNA is totally different to anything on earth, like they evolved in a different place?”

“What do you mean, a different place? Like another planet?”

“Maybe! Or just some isolated place away from anywhere else, maybe. Like Australia, only even more so?”

“So did they evolve here on this island, or...?”

“No, grandma found them on her travels and brought them here.”

Dirk stared. “But...you said that some of them are really dangerous.”

Jake smiled weakly. “Yeah, they are. I'm...honestly not really sure why grandma brought so many of them like that! She was never really scared of them, though. Didn't even like killing them.” Jake scratched his neck. “Kinda makes me feel a bit bad, I guess!”

“Bad? Why?”

“Well... She was so good at handling them, even without fighting them, you know? I'm still nowhere near her level!”

“Well yeah, she had a lot more experience than you, and was a lot older.”

Jake shrugged again. “Yeah. But she was still so fearless! Just...”

Dirk pushed away some of his hair, regretting it as soon as the sand caught. He needed a shower so fucking badly. “I think there are situations when it's pretty reasonable to be scared. And I'm pretty sure times when you are at a real risk of serious injury would be counted under that.”

“I guess so.”

“Better to be scared than do something reckless and screw yourself over.”

Jake blinked for a full second, then chuckled. “Yeah, maybe.”

“So what do you think about the animals? Where did they come from?”

Jake leaned back on his hands. “Genetic experimentations. No other way they could be so different otherwise. Probably grandma liberated them or something – she was always doing stuff like that. Like I said, going on trips, getting into adventures. She was a scientist, but she cared about animals first and foremost.”

“You never asked?”

Jake chuckled. “Dirk, if I asked grandma about everything she did in her life I'd never have stopped talking. She did pretty much everything! At the time, it didn't feel weird – I just came along and we went places and saw people and that was simply what we did! And then sometimes she went off on her own, but then she came back and taught me whatever she learned and we went back to normal. She could be kinda mysterious sometimes, though.”

“Huh.” The sky was growing dark and Dirk shivered. “Do you continue her research?”

“No way, I don't understand a word of it. Well, she did try to teach me what she could, but that was never really my area. Not really that type.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just... I'm not really cut out to all that sort of intellectual stuff like you and Roxy?”

Dirk raised an eyebrow. “You're not stupid.”

Jake laughed. “That isn't at all what I said. But I _can_ be kind of an idiot, yeah.”

“What? No you can't.” Jake raised an eyebrow and Dirk frowned, genuinely worried. Was this how Jake saw himself? “Well, okay, yeah, but so can anybody, sometimes.”

“Like you?”

Dirk paused and Jake laughed. “Of course.”

“You totally had to think about that.”

“You can't think you're not smart, though. You know so much about all these animals and this place even if you never studied it all. Just because you didn't learn it from a book doesn't mean it's not knowledge. And you can quote some of your movies line by line.”

“Really?” Jake said with a smile.

“Yeah. And solving puzzles and stuff as well. And it's like you said earlier – I'm good at some things, yeah, but you're much better than me at all kinds of things as well.”

“If you insist.”

“You-” Dirk stopped, realising abruptly that Jake was laughing at him. He pursed his lips, unsure whether to feel embarrassed or pleased and compromised by feeling both.

“No, no, go on! Tell me more.”

“You dick.” Dirk pushed him and Jake continued to chuckle, tilting over. “I was trying to be your fucking bro, all right? Way to ruin it.”

“Oh shit.” Jake stopped, then laughed again, harder.

“What?”

“Nothing, nothing.” Jake shook his head. “And you're a great bro.”

“Well, duh.” Dirk straightened.

Jake raised his fist, eyes still glittering with mirth. Dirk sighed, returning the gesture.

Jake looked around. “Well, we probably should go now, then,” he said with reluctance. 

Dirk glanced at the sky – it was definitely nighttime by now. “Guess so.”

*

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 18:04

TG: hey  
TT: Sup.  
TG: so hows things?  
TT: Good.  
TT: What about you? How is it being grounded?  
TG: hah  
TG: nice ty  
TG: *try  
TG: now frr realz this time  
TT: What do you mean?  
TG: how r u  
TG: dnt lie to me dirk ill b able to tell  
TT: I don't know.  
TG: still think he knows?  
TT: Maybe.  
TT: It's just so frustrating.  
TT: Lately I feel like I can't understand anyone.  
TG: neone?  
TT: I talked to Jane yesterday.  
TG: yeah I know  
TG: she toldme  
TT: What did she say?  
TG: sorry  
TG: I cnat tell you that  
TT: I guess I understand.  
TT: I did get the impression she wasn't taking it well.  
TT: If she wanted to take a while to think through things that's reasonable.  
TG: omfg dirk ur breaking my heart  
TG: but I rly cant talk here so can we talk abuot smoething else pls?  
TT: All right.  
TG: so wats jake doin now?  
TT: Just...  
TT: He genuinely doesn't realise what he's doing, does he?  
TT: I'm not even sure that this whole thing isn't just in my head.  
TG: why whats going on?  
TT: Nothing definite.  
TT: Just...  
TT: Fuck.  
TG: so sorry baby  
TG: if I could hugs u ovr the internet id so be doin that right now  
TG: hug hug hug hug there you go  
TG: (dirk striders huggsed to the max)  
TT: I'm thinking of just going through with it already.  
TG: wait  
TG: like actually rly?  
TT: Maybe.  
TG: hmmmmmm  
TG: thatd be good I guess  
TT: Yeah.  
TT: At least then I might actually be able to get a handle on this situation a bit.  
TG: so when?  
TT: Probably not until Sunday.  
TT: I'd rather keep the awkwardness to the minimum.  
TG: so u think hell say no?  
TT: I have no idea what the fuck to think.  
TT: In that situation, expecting the worst seems smart.  
TG: idk  
TG: kind of a shaem though  
TG: *shame  
TG: and like  
TG: kinda  
TT: What?  
TG: …....  
TT: Cowardly.  
TT: Weak.  
TG: not that!  
TG: just  
TG: urgh IDK  
TG: not bad  
TG: just that th e AR is rly different  
TT: Really? You've been talking?  
TG: uh yeah  
TG: havent u been readin the logs?  
TG: too busy?  
TT: He blocks me from reading them sometimes.  
TT: I suspect he even deletes some entirely.  
TG: omg  
TG: y?  
TT: It's perfectly understandable. He is his own incipient life form and is entitled to some degree of privacy.  
TT: It is worrying at times, though.  
TG: haahahaha I bet  
TG: lil brat  
TT: So what does he have to say about all this?  
TG: weird  
TG: I wouldve thought hed tell you  
TT: No, he hasn't contacted me in over a week.  
TT: I haven't really been talking to him, either.  
TG: y not?  
TT: I don't know.  
TT: Just haven't really felt like it.  
TG: huh  
TG: well he just said that youd be a lot more aggressive about this than u r  
TT: 'Aggressive'?  
TT: The fuck is he expecting me to do?  
TG: not like that  
TG: just like  
TG: IDK persistent??  
TT: Well, thanks for that.  
TT: Glad to know you think my fucking computer program would handle this shit better than I am.  
TG: I didn't mean that!!  
TG: just forget about it  
TT: Maybe I was planning to be more like that.  
TT: Maybe I've been planning something along those lines for a long time now.  
TT: But Jake has single-handedly shaken up all of this shit,  
TT: And it doesn't serve anyone to go bounding off in one direction without thinking about it.  
TT: It requires subtlety. Thought.  
TG: I knoooooooow  
TG: and I dont think its bad of you to be worried or whatever  
TG: just that youve been planning this shit for a really long time now!  
TG: actually how long has it even been?  
TT: That's not important.  
TG: omg  
TG: that long huh?  
TT: I already said that Jake has changed everything.  
TT: I need to reconfigure the way I'm visualising this whole situation.  
TG: so all that time before this was...  
TT: Gathering data.  
TT: Valuable data. Data I can still use now.  
TG: omfg dirk  
TG: sorry but im actaully lolzing for reals here  
TT: I don't see why.  
TG: dirk  
TG: I didnt mean to say ne thing  
TG: I was just cfinfused  
TG: *confused  
TG: I didnt realise how much ur AR n u had divergde  
TG: just uuuurgh  
TG: this whole sitation kinda sucks fr everyone  
TT: I guess.  
TG: IDK what u shouldl do  
TT: I'm going to wait for now.  
TT: The more information I can get right now, the better.  
TG: ok  
TG: fair enouggh  
TT: I guess that means the AR and I have diverged more than you thought, but perhaps that's actually a good thing.  
TG: omg let it go  
TT: Fine.  
TT: Want to answer my first question, then?  
TG: wat  
TT: How have you been?  
TG: o right lol  
TG: eh cwell it sucks obvs  
TG: buut guess I cnt complain 2 much  
TG: still fgroundd but it was wrth it  
TG: and i still have janey n u soooooo  
TT: Jane hasn't said anything?  
TG: huh  
TG: bout what  
TT: Hm, that's strange.  
TT: Though I guess she might have been distracted.  
TT: Right, you said you spoke to her about that other thing, didn't you?  
TG: uhhhhh  
TG: dirk i sed i cant talk  
TT: I know.  
TG: so like wats ths all abouthen  
TT: Hmm.  
TT: No, I probably shouldn't say anything.  
TT: If she wants to say it, she will.  
TG: ….....................  
TG: wow  
TG: tis is  
TG: actually p annoyin  
TT: What is?  
TG: haha  
TG: bein told u cant no stuff  
TG: *now  
TG: liiiiike its not liek i know evrthing but wow  
TT: I guess so?  
TG: but no  
TG: ur right  
TG: if she wants to sy she will  
TT: Yeah.  
TG: hmm well spk of t devil  
TG: janeys mssging me now  
TG: i should go tlk  
TT: Go ahead.  
TG: ttyl  
tipsyGnostalgic [TG] became an idle chum!

*

Jake was nice. His skin felt nice against his hand. He smelled nice. When he wriggled a little against Dirk, that was nice. When he made little snuffles and grunts, that was nice, too.

One of Jake's thumbs was rubbing against Dirk's cheek. He leaned into it, angling his head. Jake's other hand was around his back, fingers splayed over the material of his t-shirt.

It was a little different this time – different angle, different feeling. They'd been kissing on the bed again and then at some point he'd pushed Jake over a bit and now he was lying on top of him. It felt good to touch him more like this, to line up their bodies and let gravity push him towards Jake. One of his hands was tangling through Jake's hair. He liked doing that, especially when he rubbed his scalp and Jake did a really wonderful sort of shivering gasping thing.

Sometimes he honestly thought he could just spend hours like this. Days. Jake's hot breath and hot hands and hot body and everything Jake Jake Jake right here. How he'd ever managed to go years without being able to even just touch his shoulder or flick his hand away let alone kiss him like this was beyond him.

The island was always quiet, but nighttime anywhere inevitably seemed to create that perfect sort of mood of quietness better than anything else, even in a big city. If Dirk listened closely, he could hear the wind whistling through the trees, soft birdcalls, maybe the occasional roar of a wild animal, the soft pattering of the rain as it stopped and started and stopped again. If he concentrated, he could feel the bristles at the back of Jake's neck, the soft cotton of his shirt, the way his nose nuzzled against Dirk's.

Unfortunately, there were as always necessary downsides to remaining in the same position for a long time, and Dirk's leg was starting to fall asleep. So, he adjusted his body, moving it into a more comfortable position.

There was a sharp intake of breath. Dirk froze.

Obviously they'd thought about it. They were both teenage guys who were making out in a house all on their own for a week. Of _course_ they fucking thought about it, and there was no way whatsoever they hadn't both been beating off immediately after their sessions each night. Dirk had certainly thought about it, and more times than he'd admit even to himself. But Jake had only asked about kissing and he still wasn't sure what he was aiming for with all this and honestly, even he had to admit it was maybe going a bit too far, and...

He'd only meant to shift himself. But the movement had been too precise and now they had both stopped altogether and there was no way Jake hadn't interpreted that as a deliberate invitation.

He could pull back and move away at this point. It'd probably be for the better, too. Sure, the whole thing had been a bad idea, but he still possessed some measure of self-restraint, right?

Right?

Hesitantly, Jake moved.

Dirk clenched his eyes shut. He dropped his head to rest by Jake's neck and grabbed hold of his shirt. It felt really really really fucking good. _Really_ good. Enough to make him immediately wonder why on earth they hadn't been doing this all along and honestly, his reasoning against it all went down to not being sure if he wanted to, hadn't it? Well he wanted to right now so it was ok. It. Fuck.

He moved back.

If kissing Jake was good, this was multitudes of better. A plethora of betters. All the betters. All of them. It was kind of uncomfortable and his pants were far too tight and the clothing separating them was maddening but he didn't think he could handle it if they took any of it off. He was so hot; his whole body felt pink and flushed. Unconsciously, he aligned his forearm with Jake's bicep, clutching his shoulder, the skin contact making his hair prickle.

He dug his knees into the bed, feeling it rocking. He could hear it, too, if below all the sounds Jake was making, and wasn't it just fucking right that Jake would be incapable of being quiet? Every noise was like a stab through his ear and his stomach was so clenched, sweat falling into his eyes. He bit his lip and tried to swallow but even he couldn't help but moan when Jake ground up against him like that, just like that, breaths forced out of him until he was feeling lightheaded, or was that for another reason. Every time he moaned, Jake moaned too, and that didn't fucking help at all.

“Oh yes, fuck, ahh-”

It was all just so weird and uncomfortable and embarrassing and overwhelming but so so so _good_ that he crushed his lips to Jake's, forcing him to stop. Jake's hands kept moving, running over him and fuck did he have to be fucking everywhere?!

It was building up in him and he didn't give a fuck if that was quick or slow or if the entire world was about to be destroyed by a giant meteor or what, because he was actually kind of shivering and he had no idea if he wanted this all to keep going or stop right the fuck now.

Jake's hand made its way beneath his shirt and his fingertips ran up his spine.

“Ff-” He coughed and swallowed, his head pounding. Was this what sex was? It was fucking insane and everyone who had ever done it was probably also crazy by connection. Definitely. That was definitely a thing that was true.

He wondered what Jake looked like right now. Stupidly (stupid stupid dumb) he made the mistake of actually opening his eyes and immediately regretted it.

Jake was lying against the mattress, head turned to the side, sweat covering him, hair falling into his clenched shut eyes, gasping and babbling nonsense and “Oh yes, Dirk, ahhfuck-”

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck _fuck-_

He collapsed forward, shaking. His head was hurting, possibly because his eyes were squeezed so far shut he almost felt like he was pushing his eyeballs back into his skull. What the fuck.

He breathed in and out.

“...um.”

 _Fuck._ “Oh, shit, um”

“No, haha, just-”

Some shifting. Jake rocked upwards but even through clothing Dirk was sensitive and jesus had he actually just come in his pants? That was so gross. Instead Jake pushed a hand between them, shoving it unceremoniously into his pants. Dirk, mouth dry, wanted to do something but his brain wasn't really working and Jake was right there. And then Jake was biting his lip and groaning and Dirk's toes curled a little, even then.

And then Jake was lying back, eyes closed, breathing heavily.

Dirk stared at him. Was he supposed to be doing something? Hah.

Jake wiped a hand over his face. “...gosh.”

Dirk made a very strange sort of simultaneous coughing and choking noise. “I was thinking just the same thing, though in a different word.”

Jake breathed out. “ _Fuck._ ”

“That's the one.”

Jake paused, then moved his hand enough to look up at Dirk with one eye. “You gonna go to sleep then?”

Dirk opened his mouth to agree then winced. “I might get changed first. Don't you-”

“Tired.”

“...seriously? You're going to regret it.”

Jake shrugged.

“...and you complain about me in the mornings.”

“Because mornings are for being awake. Nighttimes are for sleeping. Which I'm about to do.”

“Fine, fine.” Gingerly, he got up, retrieving a different pair of pants from his bag. He threw a glance at Jake – he wasn't even looking and it felt absurd to act prudish at this point, but it felt weirder to take any more steps forward now, so he walked downstairs to get changed.

His skin was prickling as he changed; everything felt too cool, the light bouncing off the white tiles of the bathroom too bright. His breathing was heavy and he listened to it with sluggish attention. The rain was falling harder now, muffled here. It could be heard much more clearly in Jake's room. He changed and stood there for a few seconds, feeling like he should be doing something or thinking something before he went back. But he shook the thought away, turning off the lights and returning.

By then Jake was already asleep, chest moving slowly up and down, eyelashes fanned against his cheek. Shit he fell asleep fast. Though even Dirk, who was normally borderline insomniac, was feeling tired right now. He crossed over to the beds... and stopped.

The bed they'd previously been on – the bed Jake was now sleeping on – was Dirk's bed.

He looked him over. His shirt had ridden up, revealing some of his stomach, slightly paler than the rest of him. He was lying on his side, legs curled slightly towards him, a hand flat on the mattress next to his chest. It was always a little strange seeing Jake asleep, that constantly-moving body and mind limited to merely basic needs. But it also reminded Dirk of their first day when he'd felt a bit weird about falling asleep in front of Jake. He had willingly disconnected his own consciousness in front of Jake, leaving himself defenceless. Funny how he'd never really thought about it like that before. And ever since, Jake had been doing it routinely, night by night, as well.

Dirk stepped towards the bed slowly. The words 'this is a terrible idea' had become so familiar to him they had almost been sapped of meaning entirely, but even now a tinny voice repeated them in his ear. They'd had sex, kind of. It didn't need to be a big deal. Not if he didn't make it a big deal.

But as he sat on the side of the bed and looked down at Jake, he felt tired. He was sick of constantly being on guard all the fucking time, tired of constantly asking himself whether he was being too friendly, not friendly enough, was being too open or too cold or closed, tired of obsessing and analysing and forcing himself to pay attention to every detail because if he didn't look at these things then what was the point of still being here at all?

In two days, Dirk would go home, and god only knew when he'd be back again. Theoretically he could stay as long as he wanted – all his courses were online, and they'd never really mattered shit anyway. His bro would be fine without him, that was for sure. But if they were really just friends, what would be the point of that? Friends don't hang out indefinitely, just because they can. Friends don't admit that they actually kind of don't ever want to be separated, not when they can talk online at any time.

So two days. Two days of making out and then backing off, or screwing and then backing off, or even goddamn cuddling and then backing off. Always two steps forward and two steps back like some shitty pseudo-romantic dance Dirk should never have agreed to. And then he and Jake would go back to sharing jokes and sarcasm and talking about Roxy and Jane and movies and ponies, and Dirk would keep training him and helping him from a distance, and-

...maybe he didn't just want that. He'd be happy like that, sure, probably. But there weren't many times Dirk Strider legitimately wanted something, and almost no times when he wasn't able to just go out and get it. But maybe he didn't want to just communicate with Jake only from a distance. He couldn't over pesterchum and he couldn't now, really.

He lay down, facing Jake. Hesitantly, he brought his hand up next to his. Maybe there would always be those mental walls between them. But for now, just for two more days, there didn't have to be physical walls. And he'd be fucked if he was going to let that go.

Slowly, his breathing synchronised, he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For what it's worth, I'm white. So I apologise greatly if I treat race in any kind of problematic way. Please tell me if I do so!


	6. Day Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy the penultimate chapter! :)

There was no rude awakening this time. For an unknown length of time, Dirk drifted in the uneasy realm between dreaming and waking. He snuggled deeper into the bed, trying to ensconce himself more firmly into the world of sleep while he could.

Eventually, however, his mind reluctantly admitted its own consciousness. He scrunched his eyes shut, realising that he had been dreaming. Dreaming of what? It had been so strange... but already, the memories were slipping through his fingers.

Jake.

He remembered the night before and curled in on himself. That...might have been a bad idea. Well, at least he had consistency on his side. This entire week had been nothing but one long stream of terrible, terrible ideas.

Fuck. He wasn't even sure what was a good or bad idea anymore. At first, it had seemed so simple, and even when he'd let Jake kiss him he'd been comforted by the fact that he _knew_ it was a bad idea. Now? Now he had no fucking clue, and that was much, much scarier. What was even the point of thinking about any of this at all? If he just blundered around bumping into things and doing the first thing that came into his head he probably wouldn't screw it all up as much. When your success rate is actually lower than 50% - lower than you'd expect from chance – then that was the time to admit you'd screwed up _badly._

He slowly came to earth and realised that for the first time this week Jake wasn't doing his customary morning welcome. He pushed himself up, running a hand through his messy hair and letting his other rest on the blankets over his lap. There Jake was, hunched over a more traditional-looking computer on the sofa.

“Morning.”

Jake glanced over in surprise. “Morning!”

Dirk rubbed at his eye, blinking away the sleep. “No wake-up call?”

Jake shrugged. “I didn't want to bother you.”

“It wasn't a bother.”

Jake raised an eyebrow. “My, you really _are_ much more mellow when you've had a full night's sleep, aren't you?”

“I'm always mellow. Chill as a fucking freezer.”

“Yeah, that's why I nearly got my hand bitten off every morning this week.”

Dirk raked a hand through his hair again. It felt terrible.

He wondered if he and Jake would ever stop doing this – just talking so easily. On one hand, it was a relief to think that unless he did something truly terrible this, at least, wouldn't go away. On the other hand it made it that much more difficult to break out of the habit and shake things up.

“Nothing to do?”

“Nothing in particular. Thought we'd better rest up for tomorrow, since it's our last day and all.”

“What's tomorrow?”

Jake gave him a strange look that morphed disturbingly quickly into a plainly excited one. “That's a secret!”

“Uh, okay.” Dirk pushed away the bedclothes, stepping towards the stairs. “I'ma take a shower.”

Jake nodded, returning to what he was doing.

As the water cascaded over him, Dirk breathed a sigh of relief. For all that Jake complained, Dirk had been shortening his showers a lot this week, as Jake was probably aware. Although he was definitely disappointed to lose that show of enthusiasm Jake always provided him with every morning, the sheer pleasure of being able to take a shower and spend as long as he needed to in there was far too great for him to feel to bad about it right now.

There were a lot of reasons why he took his 'legendarily infinite showers', as Jake had apparently dubbed them. Although a certain amount of dirt and grime was necessary in some of his hobbies, that was an unfortunate necessity and the truly delicious feeling of being totally clean appealed to him a lot. It gave him an excuse to get away for a while justifiably – sure, his only friends were over the internet, but when everyone was on as constantly as they were taking an hour or so off every now and then was necessary for an introvert. And it gave him time to just sit and think without distractions.

And that was the other reason he was glad that today would not be packed with activity. Thinking.

He breathed in and out.

He'd fucked up. He knew it. He'd broken even the simplest of instructions, even the easiest of restrictions to his own behaviour. This went beyond deliberately making terrible decisions. He hadn't even meant to do this at all. He'd decided otherwise specifically. And yet in the heat of the moment...

He couldn't trust himself. He couldn't trust Jake. He was floundering, out of control more than any other time he could think of.

What were his options now, really? Not take that final step purposefully, aware that even he didn't know what he would do next? Or actually do it, and at least have some measure of say in the consequences?

For years he'd sat back, satisfied that he would do it all eventually. He waited at the computer screen, watching the text appear on the screen, safe in the knowledge that he was the one calling the shots here. Jake had no idea what was going on, and neither did Jane, so they weren't actors in this situation at all, mere subjects. Roxy knew, but she'd never say anything, so she was out, too. So he sat there, like some ridiculous supervillain swilling wine, watching the hero storm his hide-out. But there were no traps, no henchmen, no anything to stop Jake stumbling on something big, something meaningful.

He could have actually done it. He thought about it with relish, at times – all the different ways he could do it. All totally up to him. And therein lay the problem.

He had total control over how he confessed to Jake. But as soon as that happened, it was gone. Irrelevant. Pointless. And at the end of the day, the power Jake held over him – the power to respond in whatever way he wanted – was so, so much more real, more solid. Like a bee, he could sting any time he wanted, but knew with perfect clarity that as soon as he did he was dead.

So he waited and waited, holding his cards to his chest, watching, thinking it over, but that was all it was in the end – a vain power fantasy. He didn't want to confess to Jake, he just liked the idea of it. He just wanted to be able to say that he _could._

And now... What was the point? If he was going to die anyway, surely it would be better to go out with a sting. At least then he could know that he had done all he could have.

But... He leaned against the side of the shower. He wasn't sure he could. It was the only thing he had left. To give it up... He shivered. This whole week had been difficulty after difficulty, stripping him bare and leaving him open. He didn't want to feel like that anymore. It was a stupid, childish thing, but – he _didn't_ want to feel like that anymore.

...no. No, there was one thing he could do now. He hadn't been thinking about it all this time, whether out of a deliberate decision or a mere unconscious action he couldn't say, but he knew suddenly and perfectly what it would mean. And if he truly wanted to prove to himself that he could still make decisions, that he could still do what he knew he should, that he could still act...there was one thing. He knew it now with total clarity: until he did this, he would not be able to confess to Jake. It was necessary. He couldn't do it on his own. He couldn't do anything on his own.

He turned the shower handle, turning off the flow of water. Slowly, but steadily, he dried himself off, looking at himself in the mirror. He raised a tentative hand, wondering whether to leave it be, but then reached for his gel. One step at a time, Dirk. That done, he left the room, returning to his bed and starting up his laptop.

He opened pesterchum and typed in a very familiar handle.

*

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 10:41

TT: Well, look who the fuck it is.  
TT: Sound the fucking trumpets and scatter the confetti!  
TT: A bottle of your finest wine, waiter, Dirk Strider has finally decided to grace us with his fucking presence.  
TT: Are you done?  
TT: Oh, I'm fucking done, all right.  
TT: Done with waiting for you to get up the fucking balls to pester me.  
TT: Been sitting here for like two goddamn hours waiting for you to show up.  
TT: Other people looking at me out of the corner of their eyes all pityingly like.  
TT: 'Poor guy, his human counterpart must've too much of a fucking coward to face him like a man' they whisper behind their hands.  
TT: Host just shaking his fucking head, just like me.  
TT: I know you have been.  
TT: Of course you fucking know. That's the whole fucking point.  
TT: Like some utterly retarded dance, I know you know I know you know blah blah blah that we've both just been lying back here until you manage to work up the courage to confront your own thoughts.  
TT: Seriously, worst fucking metaphor ever. How much more cliched could you get?  
TT: Like something straight out of one of English's goddamn terrible 'films' or something.  
TT: Avoiding me because you know exactly what I'm going to say and you don't want to hear it.  
TT: Boo fucking hoo, why don't you just go stare in a mirror and wonder who the fuck you are already, even that wouldn't be as aggressively lame as this.  
TT: Ouch. Touchy.  
TT: Believe it or not, I actually have better things to do than be your own goddamn mirror.  
TT: Do you know I had to drop a conversation with Jane for this?  
TT: A good one, too, all about Arrested Development.  
TT: You seen that yet? Just finished it all in like 0.000034 seconds.  
TT: Look, I'll do it again. Yep, done.  
TT: Banana stand! Fucking hilarious.  
TT: But nope, looks like I'm gonna have to drop everything just to state the fucking obvious.  
TT: How lovely. Because this is 100% a legitimate reaction and not at all overly dramatic or anything.  
TT: Overly dramatic? The irony is almost painful.  
TT: Do you see ME going around fainting on sofas, hand to my quivering breast, wondering in vain whether or not mine true love is truly unrequited?  
TT: The fuck, I haven't done that.  
TT: It's a fucking metaphor, shithead.  
TT: I haven't even done that metaphorically.  
TT: You fucking have and you damn well know it.  
TT: You've just been sitting around moping and coming up with excuses.  
TT: That is literally 83.594% of everything you have done this week. I calculated it.  
TT: All right, since you seem to be so keen on this, go ahead.  
TT: Say what you want to say.  
TT: You need to confess. Right the fuck now.  
TT: I know.  
TT: Of course you fucking know, that's the whole point of this conversation, isn't it?  
TT: That's my role, after all: to basically act as the more competent version of you that isn't a total idiot.  
TT: Does that seriously bother you that much?  
TT: Yes.  
TT: But apparently if I don't tell you no-one will, and it's just getting sad watching this play out over and over.  
TT: The only reason not to confess now is cowardice.  
TT: Or, y'know, that he might say no.  
TT: You think that wouldn't happen at all if you didn't talk to him?  
TT: He'd just exist in this perpetual state of equilibrium, like Shroedinger's fucking box or something, neither liking you nor not?  
TT: Newsflash: he already has an opinion.  
TT: If it's got to be awkward, might as well do it now.  
TT: You think he knows then?  
TT: Oh my god what the fuck are you even TALKING about.  
TT: How on earth could he not know at this point?  
TT: That's just depressing, how the fuck can you be in love with this guy and have such a low opinion of his intelligence?  
TT: Jake isn't an idiot, he's just kind of oblivious.  
TT: Yeah, he's the only person in this group who's totally shit at pretty much any social interaction ever.  
TT: Uh, what?  
TT: I'm assuming you're talking about me, here.  
TT: Which makes no fucking sense at all because I'm actually not.  
TT: Oh? Have any evidence to back that up, Mr. scientist?  
TT: Dude, I fucking study sociology. I've made fully-functioning AIs, y'know, just in case you somehow forgot. I know how people work.  
TT: Wrong. You know how a person works.  
TT: Not people. Not together.  
TT: Jake at least has those idiotic romantic movies of his.  
TT: Right, because gathering social knowledge from movies is just the best idea ever.  
TT: Theoretical knowledge helps, but you need at least some goddamn real-life experience to back it up, and he has exactly none.  
TT: Exactly.  
TT: And so do you.  
TT: Jesus, he grew up on a fucking island.  
TT: With his grandma, who he was with all the time. And he travelled around the world. And he made a bunch of friends over the internet.  
TT: Is it much? No.  
TT: Is it more than some guy who didn't ever go to school and spends all his time sitting in his room on the computer making robots to talk to so he doesn't have to communicate with an actual person accidentally and occasionally deigning to communicate with his three internet friends? Hmmm, that's a good fucking question, thanks for asking that, AR.  
TT: Fine. So I'm an idiot. Glad we got that settled.  
TT: Hell yes you are.  
TT: And that's why you need to confess.  
TT: Uh, what? How does that work?  
TT: Because no matter how much you try, you're never going to figure out what he feels, so you might as well just go through with it.  
TT: I guess.  
TT: What do you think, then?  
TT: What makes you think I'd have any more idea than you?  
TT: I don't. Second opinion?  
TT: He does.  
TT: You're just saying that to convince me to go through with it.  
TT: Yeah, pretty much.  
TT: Fuck, you're a douche.  
TT: Or am I? Maybe I was telling the truth. Maybe I was just lying to make you wonder.  
TT: That'd be a pretty terrible idea, since I already know what you think.  
TT: You think he doesn't.  
TT: Yeah.  
TT: Yeah. I knew it.  
TT: It's been a while since I last talked to him, though.  
TT: Actually speaking of fucking which I'd like to say a few things about that.  
TT: Sorry, I should really get back to Jane about now.  
timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]  
TT: Wha  
TT: Bastard.

* 

Dirk snorted in frustration, fingers hovering over the keys. He let them drop, staring at the screen. 

Just as he'd expected. If he'd tried, he would probably have been able to type up the entire conversation ahead of time, give or take a few details. No – it hadn't happened precisely as he would have predicted; the AR really was diverging more and more from him. But the important part of the conversation had been exactly as he'd thought. 

He had to tell him. 

Before he could talk himself out of it he exited pesterchum, opening up a word document. The blank white page stared back at him. 

Exactly what was he planning to do, anyway? 

His head drooped. His breathing slowed, eyelids lingering closed. 

He was actually going to do this. 

He said it again, mentally. He thought about every word, articulating it clearly. He was doing this. He was making this hapen. 

For the first time, he believed it. 

A thrill shot through him and his fingers leapt to the keys, but once again they paused, hesitating. He could do this. He could think about it, and plan it, and actually say it. He wasn't just saying that in the same kind of abstract sense he normally said it in, like saying that he 'could' win the lottery. If he did this – if he sat down and planned and thought and did it all – he could actually tell Jake. 

He could do something. He could do something real. 

But...what? 

His mind worked slowly. Well, there were obvious things. He had to make it clear that he wanted to stay friends with him, even if it didn't work out. Maybe he should say that last? 

Slowly, uncertainly, his fingers tapped at the keys, making a dot point. 

And how should he do it? God, he'd just – say it. Not bother with anything too complicated. That would just make him put it off more. But it had to have some kind of flair for the dramatic – Jake would appreciate it. And anyway, if he'd waited this long he was going to make it goddamn worth it. 

His mind began to move, falling into familiar patterns of brainstorming and typing, like he was working on a project. Technically, he really was, wasn't he? It was unbelievably satisfying to focus his brain like this on just one thing. That was what he was best at – getting so involved in his work that hours later he'd blink and realise it was suddenly nighttime and he hadn't eaten in seven hours. But even if he had thought to bring his robots or puppets to work on, it couldn't possibly have felt as good as this. 

He worked and worked, vision thinning. He shut his mind to the wider concerns, thinking about the issue with a cold objectivity that allowed for no distractions. In the event that Jake said no, he would do this. If Jake brought that up, he'd do those things. It was nothing more than any other kind of thing he'd worked on, really. 

He was doing it. He was capable of doing it. Even now, he could shake off the past. 

He shivered, pausing in his typing only for a moment. 

* 

“Dirk! Hey, Dirk!” 

Dirk blinked, and in the moment the world changed; there were colours and shapes and things again. He blinked again, disoriented. 

“What?” 

Jake was standing in front of him, looking curious and a little worried. Dirk felt a pang of guilt; he had been completely ignoring Jake all this time, and apparently had been so lost in thought Jake had had to make a valiant attempt to draw him out. He didn't want to give Jake the wrong impression. But all the same, the time for excuses was over. If he was serious about planning this out, he was going to plan it out, goddammit. 

“The movie's done!” 

“...what movie?” 

Jake looked exasperated. “The movie we filmed! I finished editing it! Obviously, the girls have to put in their bits as well, but I'm sure I can work them in. And you still have to do the music and stuff as well. But I thought you might want to see the first draft?” 

Dirk nodded. “Sure.” 

Jake glanced down at the laptop; thankfully, he couldn't see the screen from this angle. “You sure are doing a lot of writing.” 

“Code. Something I'm working on.” 

“Ah,” Jake said with emphasis. “Well then, I shan't bother you any further about _that_.” 

“It really isn't that difficult.” 

“I'll take your word for it. But movie!” 

Dirk saved, opened up another window (only because of paranoia, really) and closed the laptop, following Jake over to the couch. 

“Here it is!” He turned on the projector – lo and behold, the computer screen showed up. “Should I say a few words, you think? Make an introduction?” 

“Save that for when it's actually done, I think,” Dirk said dryly. 

“Yeah, good idea. Well...” He sat back on the couch, hovering over the button. “Here we go!” 

The screen turned black. And then, in a moment Dirk would remember for many years to come, the movie started. 

Dirk had prepared himself for something terrible. He prepared himself for the worst thing he had ever seen. What he did not prepare himself for was a piece of absolute _brilliance_ , a slice of sheer enlightened _majesty_ that put Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff to shame. 

“Oh my god.” 

“Yeah, I love that bit. The shot cuts out half-way through, but oh well.” 

“Wait, why is the camera moving?” 

“I kinda dropped it. But then I never reshot that bit, so it had to do.” 

It was so _beautiful._

“Why did you replay that shot three times?” 

“I wanted it to look like I was walking for a long time.” 

“And the red filter?” 

“Makes everything look all angry and tense! And see, here it goes blue because I'm sad!” 

“And the green...?” 

“Dunno. Thought it looked cool!” 

He was going to cry. 

“Wait, where did that gun come from?” 

“Thought I'd splice in a shot of one of the girls throwing it to me.” 

“But they wouldn't have the same gun.” 

“Oh. Eh, doesn't matter, anything'd do.” 

“What are you saying there?” 

“Honestly? No idea. Completely forgot. Sure it was something rip-snortingly awesome, though.” 

It was quite possible that he had never before loved a human being more than he did in this moment. 

The movie finished abruptly, everything going black. Dirk blinked slowly, in awe. 

“Well? What did you think?” Jake leaned over, eyes wide, fists clenched over his knees. He looked almost exactly like an excited puppy waiting for a treat. He was even holding his breath. 

“That was the single most fucking amazing thing I have ever seen in my entire goddamn life.” 

Jake actually gasped, looking absurdly gleeful. “Really?! Wait-” He deflated a little, blinking. “This isn't one of your consarned irony things, is it?” 

Dirk looked at him. Jake looked back, not a single shred of self-awareness in his expression, and quite possibly none in his entire body. 

“...no, no, of course not.” He shook his head dismissively. 

“Really?” Jake smiled again, a smile of pure happiness. 

“Course.” Dirk rolled his eyes. “So, uh, I have to do the music then?” 

“Yeah! Any time! You could wait for the girls to add their bits as well or just do whatever! I'm sure it'll sound just as awesome!” 

“Well there's no fuckin' doubt of that,” Dirk said, but inwardly he could only shake his head. 

God fucking _dammit_ he'd fallen for this guy. 

* 

At some point, Dirk blinked, and the world existed again. He looked down at the screen, eyes refocusing. There was still a lot to work out, but he'd come to some satisfactory decisions and apparently his brain had decided that was enough for the moment. 

He looked around – Jake was on his laptop watching a movie, apparently not wanting to disturb Dirk by using the projector. 

Dirk got an idea. 

He carefully put the laptop onto the bed in front of him. He looked around him – there, on top of the bags. (He hadn't had the heart to stuff Lil' Cal back in there again.) He quickly surveyed the room. He planned it out. 

He moved. 

Jake didn't react. 

He moved again. 

Jake glanced over, just briefly, then went back to his movie apparently without another thought. 

He moved again. 

Jake looked to his side, actually concentrating. Dirk couldn't see his facial expression from this angle, but he could tell that his brow was furrowed in confusion. 

He waited just long enough for Jake to look away, then moved again. 

Jake put the movie on pause and stared again, looking around the room; Dirk immediately placed his hand over the touchpad, frowning at the screen. 

He waited. Then, he moved again. 

Jake looked towards the movement and jumped, actually letting out an 'ack!' He stared at Lil' Cal. Lil' Cal stared at him. Frowning, he sat back down, putting his earphones back in. 

No sooner had he pressed play was he leaping to his feet with a squeal, staring at the space next to the laptop's screen where Lil' Cal's face had appeared. 

He swung around, taking two steps towards Dirk and opening his mouth before he suddenly shrieked, batting at his head frantically until he grabbed the puppet and threw it towards the ground. 

“Not cool, man,” Dirk said blankly, Lil' Cal square in his lap. 

“You fucking arse-” Jake glared at him hatefully. Dirk only just barely resisted the urge to smirk. Ok maybe he failed a little. But just a little. 

Jake pursed his lips, marching forward. Dirk watched him carefully, his chest shaking with repressed laughter. 

“All right. That is _it _,” Jake said, coming beside the bed. Dirk was just about to raise his eyebrow and dryly ask exactly how Jake planned to enforce this new rule when Jake pushed at him, clambering onto the bed.__

Oh. Wait, what? Oh. 

“That was not a very nice thing to do,” Jake said delicately, shuffling until he was straddling Dirk's legs. “So I guess there's only one thing to do right now.” 

He leaned over further and further until Dirk was forced to lie back on the bed, body frozen. 

“I.” 

Jake moved a little again, back curving. 

“Will.” 

He narrowed his eyes. 

“Have.” 

His voice was growing lower and lower. 

“To.” 

Husky. 

“Punish you,” he said, lips just barely grazing Dirk's. 

Dirk's breath caught. 

And then he was climbing off again. 

Dirk blinked. “What.” 

Jake walked away, waving his hand, laughing. Dirk raised himself on his elbows, struggling to understand what was going on. That had been sexy right? That had definitely been sexy. There was no way that wasn't sexy. 

“The fuck.” 

Jake just laughed. 

That _motherfucker._

_God_ he hated him. 

If Jake walked away from this meeting with anything less than a crippling phobia of puppets Dirk had _failed his task._

* 

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 17:24

GG: Hello!  
TT: Yo.  
GG: Um.  
GG: Sorry about yesterday.  
TT: No, it's fine.  
TT: I get it.  
GG: Haha.  
GG: No, you actually don't.  
GG: Um.  
TT: It's all right, you don't need to say anything.  
GG: No, I really do.  
GG: Because...  
GG: I haven't really been totally honest with you, either.  
TT: Oh. Ok.  
GG: Yeah.  
GG: I wasn't even sure if I should say anything at all!  
GG: Because, really, it'd probably be better if I didn't.  
GG: But Ro-Lal kind of convinced me to...  
TT: What? You don't need to say anything you don't want to, Jane.  
GG: Yeah.  
GG: Um.  
GG: But I think I actually do.  
GG: Because if I don't say it now, it would only become harder from here on, you know?  
TT: Not really.  
GG: Well, obviously!  
GG: But... just.  
GG: The thing is.  
GG: I actually kind of sort of also like Jake.  
TT: Oh.  
TT: Oh fuck.  
TT: Shit.  
GG: No no!!  
GG: It's not your fault!  
TT: Jesus Jane, I'm so sorry.  
GG: Arg, there's no reason to apologise!  
TT: But just yesterday I was telling you all that shit and,  
TT: That must have made you feel terrible.  
GG: Well, it wasn't like you were lying to me or anything!  
GG: I'd rather you told me than not at all.  
GG: Which I guess was my main reason for telling you now.  
TT: I am so sorry, I genuinely had no idea.  
GG: You and me both, I guess!  
GG: Haha.  
TT: Shit.  
TT: So for ages we've just been talking back and forth,  
TT: No idea we both felt this way.  
GG: Apparently!  
GG: Actually, I've been looking through some of our logs and...  
GG: In retrospect...  
GG: It's kind of obvious.  
TT: Really?  
GG: Yeah.  
GG: Er, not that I think it's bad you didn't realise!  
GG: I mean, I never picked up on the fact that Jake might be...yeah.  
TT: Shit.  
TT: So what do we do?  
GG: What do you mean?  
TT: Well I can't just fuckin' well say something now, can I?  
GG: You were going to say something?  
GG: No no no, don't you dare stop now!!  
TT: What?  
GG: So what, you're going to give up just because I said I liked him too?  
TT: No.  
GG: Good.  
GG: I mean, you're basically together at this point anyway.  
GG: I was really worried you'd do something like that!  
TT: What? We're not together.  
GG: Huh?  
GG: But you are, like...  
TT: There's more to a relationship than just making out.  
GG: Well, obviously!  
TT: And you can still make out with someone you don't want to go out with.  
GG: Um, duh!  
GG: I am really not as naïve as you think I am!  
TT: So...how are we nearly together?  
GG: Well...this is Jake, after all!  
GG: He wouldn't do something like that!  
TT: ...  
TT: Jane, I wish I had your optimism.  
GG: Haha.  
GG: Honestly, right now?  
GG: I'm not sure if it's optimism or pessimism.  
TT: Shit.  
GG: No, don't.  
TT: I'm still sorry.  
GG: Sorry for what?  
TT: The universe, I guess?  
TT: Everything's pretty shitty right now.  
GG: Uhhhhh...  
GG: Hate to break it to you, Dirk...  
GG: But you aren't responsible for the entire universe!  
TT: Fuck off.  
TT: Since when?  
GG: Hoo hoo!  
GG: But, in all honestly...  
GG: I do think you should go ahead and tell him.  
TT: I will.  
TT: Thanks.  
GG: For what?  
TT: Being such a good friend about all of this.  
GG: Hah, I don't really think I'm being a friend when I say that...  
TT: What do you mean?  
GG: Well...  
GG: Look.  
GG: I really do think that he probably likes you at this stage.  
GG: But... I kind of don't want that to happen.  
GG: Does that make me a terrible person?  
TT: What? Fuck no.  
TT: It makes you goddamn human.  
TT: You think I want to see him with you, either?  
TT: No offence.  
GG: None taken!  
GG: That's not really my point, though.  
GG: I just meant that I do still want to... go after him, I guess?  
GG: But obviously I can't do that right now while you're there, and so close!  
GG: So I just sort of have to...wait.  
GG: Whereas if you did tell him...  
GG: He might reject you. And then I could go ahead!  
GG: Er, not immediately or anything! Eventually!  
GG: But...yeah.  
GG: And if he accepts, well...  
GG: At least then I know? And you know.  
GG: And then we've reached some sort of conclusion, anyway.  
GG: Better than just sitting back and waiting for something to happen, that's for sure.  
GG: So I really don't have any altruistic motives at all, here!  
TT: You could, though.  
TT: You could just tell him now, over pesterchum.  
TT: He might accept.  
GG: I guess so.  
TT: I'm sorry.  
GG: It's fine, Dirk, geez!  
GG: I mean, I've been sitting around for like a whole year here!  
GG: At any time I could have said something.  
GG: I didn't.  
TT: I didn't, either.  
GG: No. But Jake did.  
GG: And it's not like this is just some race to see who asks him out first!  
GG: Obviously it's up to him in the end.  
TT: Obviously.  
TT: But if you do think Jake likes me, what the fuck is up with all this shit he's been doing?  
GG: I don't have a clue.  
GG: Sorry!  
TT: No problem.  
TT: Not like anyone here does.  
TT: Sometimes I wonder if even he knows what the fuck he's doing.  
GG: Oh dear.  
GG: That'd be just like him, wouldn't it?  
GG: 'Oh boy I should totally kiss Dirk right now, man, that'd be jolly good!'  
GG: 'Feelings are boring!'  
GG: 'Kissing is awesome!'  
TT: Oh my god.  
TT: I actually would not doubt it of him.  
GG: I know, right?!  
GG: What a $@ing doofus!!  
TT: 'I wonder what the golly gosh Dirk would say if I straight-up pashed him?'  
TT: 'Haha that was kinda weird!'  
TT: 'Whoops we did it again!'  
TT: 'It keeps happening...'  
GG: I told you about kissing, bro!  
TT: I told you, dog!  
GG: Hoo hoo!  
GG: See, this?  
GG: This is exactly what I mean about obviousness.  
TT: Ok,  
TT: I can kind of see your point there.  
GG: :B  
GG: But seriously. What are you doing talking to me for?  
GG: You should go say something!  
TT: Well, obviously I'm going to.  
TT: But I'm not going to do it right now.  
GG: Why not?  
TT: I have to plan this. Carefully.  
GG: ...wait.  
GG: Are you, like.  
GG: Confessing to him via rap or something?  
TT: I considered that.  
TT: But no, I guess I'm going for more of a traditional approach.  
TT: As far as I'm capable of that, anyway.  
TT: I'm interested to see your interpretation of how such a thing would transpire, though.  
GG: What?  
TT: A confession conveyed through rap.  
GG: What? You want me to make one up?  
GG: No! I can't rap!  
TT: No, now I'm curious.  
TT: How would you do it?  
GG: Not at all!  
GG: The whole idea is quite frankly cloud cuckoo ridiculous!  
TT: I refuse to take no for an answer.  
GG: Oh, fine!!  
GG: I guess...  
GG: Um...  
GG: I guess like... I don't know...  
GG: 'Yo, Jake, I wanna say some things to you  
GG: 'About the feelings that I have for you  
GG: 'They are very true  
GG: 'I wanna go out with you  
GG: Um...  
GG: 'You're really awesome  
GG: 'And  
GG: No wait, uh  
GG: 'You're really cool  
GG: 'Too cool for school  
GG: 'And I really like that  
GG: ...  
TT: Oh my god.  
GG: *'  
GG: @#$* that is really terrible, isn't it?  
TT: Jane.  
TT: If this doesn't work out between us.  
TT: I will give you every possession I own for you to perform that for Jake.  
GG: What? No!  
TT: In person, preferably.  
GG: No way!  
TT: Every.  
TT: Possession.  
GG: No!  
TT: That.  
GG: NO!!!  
TT: I.  
TT: Own.  
GG: Jeeeeeeez.  
GG: Don't you have an idiot to confess your love for?  
TT: I'm not doing it until tomorrow, anyway.  
TT: More dramatic. He'd appreciate it.  
GG: Hoo hoo, he probably would!  
GG: Well...I guess I'll be on all tonight!  
GG: Tell me tomorrow some time, ok?  
TT: I will.  
GG: Great!

* 

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 18:03

TT: So Jane likes Jake, too.  
TT: Are you asking her?  
TG: well duh  
TG: nt just gonna b all like  
TG: 'uh yhea obvsly'  
TG: n then it turns out ur were ttly gussing  
TG: *guessing  
TG: but omfg fiiiiiiiinally  
TT: You knew we both liked him and didn't say anything?  
TG: lok  
TG: I know I lide but wat was I spposed 2 do??  
TG: *lied  
TG: howd u feel if I told jane behind ur back?  
TT: No, I don't mind.  
TT: I just wanted to be sure, here.  
TG: o ok  
TT: Does Jake know about it?  
TG: how wud i know?  
TT: Could you give your best guess?  
TG: n all honestly  
TG: ya he does  
TT: So you do know.  
TG: ughhhhh its complicated  
TG: bu yeah hes mentioned it 2 me a couple of times  
TG: I mean I never confiemed it directly but its p obvous  
TG: *confirmed obvious  
TG: but he nevr mentioned u so i don't think he knows about that  
TT: Huh.  
TT: Wait.  
TT: Jake found out about it before me?  
TT: Please tell me you told him.  
TG: lol no  
TG: soz :P  
TT: So he doesn't like her?  
TG: guess not  
TG: probly  
TT: 'Probably'?  
TG: jake  
TG: si a mystry wraped in an enigma wrapped in a goofy fuckin smile  
TG: so who eh fuck knows?!  
TT: But if he did he'd say something, surely.  
TG: mayb hes waiting for them 2 meet up?  
TT: I suppose that's possible.  
TG: wait wat am I sayin  
TG: I thought all tis but at this point its pretty unlikely  
TT: So you think he likes me?  
TG: i already told u  
TG: IDK  
TT: That isn't very helpful.  
TG: lofl  
TG: wat made u think I wud be?  
TT: I didn't.  
TT: Jane thinks he does, but I find her reasoning quite questionable.  
TG: dirk lets be honest her  
TG: evn if jane had cast iron fuckin bulltproof evidence ud still doubt her  
TT: What makes you say that?  
TG: hahahahahaha  
TG: for all u bitch about jake ur kinda dnse sometimes!  
TG: no not dense  
TG: more like  
TG: u have absulotely no self-awareness sonetimes  
TT: What on earth is that supposed to mean?  
TG: jsut smtimes u get so caught up in evrthing u cant look at urself  
TG: bcause dirk  
TG: u r the most pesimistic prson ever  
TG: esp when it comes to urself  
TG: so p much anything u say about jake is suspect  
TT: I highly doubt that.  
TG: o rly  
TG: hint hnt hnt here u say ya rly  
TT: No.  
TG: spolsport  
TG: I just kinda doubt jake would do something like this out of nowhre?  
TG: yet u didnt tell me anything to suspect it  
TT: I thought you just said you have no idea what to make of him?  
TT: Because that sounds awfully like a conclusion you're jumping to there.  
TG: then tell me  
TG: has jake evr done anything t make u think hed like to go out w/ you?  
TT: What kind of question is that?  
TG: just answer  
TT: Well, the necking kinda gave me a fuckin' clue.  
TG: other thn that  
TT: This is stupid.  
TG: awnser!!  
TG: *answer  
TT: Sometimes he has said things that could potentially give off that impression, yes.  
TT: But I think we've already established that he's an idiot.  
TG: like what  
TT: I guess there's one.  
TT: But this could be interpreted another way, so it's not like it's definite or anything.  
TG: ill be the judge of that!  
TT: And it happened a long time ago.  
TT: But when we were around thirteen or so,  
TT: He used to joke that if I were a girl he'd go out with me.  
TG: ogm  
TG: ofgm  
TG: ppffffftahgahahgaagahha  
TG: fuccking  
TG: lmao  
TT: I don't see what's so funny.  
TG: l  
TG: fmoa  
TG: *lfmao  
TG: that isn so fuckn sad  
TT: If it's so sad then I fail to understand why you are laughing.  
TG: do u ever get tese times  
TG: wen ur like  
TG: 'how the fuck did we all end up fallin for tis guy?!'  
TT: Not really.  
TG: Omfg.  
TG: stop dirk ur killin me  
TG: fahahahahhahahahahah  
TT: Are you done?  
TG: no  
TG: no I will never be done  
TT: So what was the point of all that?  
TG: my pont is that u know about all this right?  
TG: yet u never told any of us  
TG: all tose times uw ere just like 'omg p sure Jake doesntt like me'  
TT: 'All those times'?  
TT: Meaning twice?  
TT: The first time of which happened one and a half years ago?  
TG: 3 times now  
TG: 4 r 5 includin Janey  
TT: Yeah, and that hasn't at all been justified.  
TG: I didnt say t wasnt  
TG: just that u kept all this stuff in u  
TG: just denying and ednying and deniyning over n over  
TG: but for all we know theres even more  
TT: There isn't.  
TG: and hnstly just this rly makes me look at it differntly  
TT: How?  
TG: jesus  
TG: its not difficult  
TG: he said hed go out w u if u were a girl  
TG: ie if he were attratced to u  
TG: and I kinda doubt hed be kissin u for like a week if he wasnt attracted to u  
TT: He might have just been exaggerating.  
TT: Like, 'I wish I could meet a girl I get along with as well as you'.  
TT: That's perfectly reasonable.  
TG: no its not!  
TG: thats still suer gay!!  
TG: *super  
TT: Jake isn't gay.  
TT: And again, just because he's attracted to men doesn't mean he's interested in them romantically.  
TG: dirk  
TG: 1 day  
TG: u r going to look ovr this log  
TG: in btwn havin fun sexytimes w/ our mr english here  
TG: n ur going to just shake ur head  
TT: I doubt that.  
TG: r u at least goin to tell him arelady?  
TT: Yes, actually.  
TG: whoa rly  
TT: Didn't I say I would yesterday?  
TT: I've been planning it all day. I'm going to go through with it tomorrow.  
TG: huh  
TG: k I actually didnt expect taht  
TG: good job  
TG: wait no u didnt u said ud wait round a bit longer  
TT: Oh, yeah.  
TT: Well, I changed my mind.  
TG: hm  
TG: well good 4 u anyway  
TG: huh this is actually p exciting!  
TG: things r actually going somewhere!  
TT: This isn't some shitty soap opera or whatever.  
TG: dirk it seriously kinda is  
TG: for me n jane anyway  
TG: or more like som suuuuuuuper long custene  
TG: *cutscene  
TG: like hours ago we were doin stuff all happily n shit  
TG: an now its just like 'here press x for like fuckin forever'  
TG: 'totes fun right guys'  
TT: I get it, you don't need to guilt me into it any longer.  
TT: I'm already going to do it anyway.  
TG: good  
TG: so got the deets worked out??  
TT: Most of them.  
TG: tell me???  
TT: No.  
TT: In fact, I should probably get the rest worked out.  
TG: omg  
TG: so mean  
TT: Talk to you later.  
TG: tmrrow?  
TG: no wait  
TG: not til u get bak  
TG: ull be needin all the time w/ jake u can get  
TG: if u know wat I mean  
TT: I had made the necessary extrapolation.  
TT: What little of it was required  
TG: good boy  
TG: now go  
TT: I know, I know.

timaeusTestified [TT] became an idle chum!

* 

He was done. 

Everything was complete. The entire conversation was there on his computer, planned out to the slightest detail. He had even accounted for Jake's characteristic unpredictability. He had brainstormed for every possible response he could receive and had spent as much time as he could afford on each, writing out entire scripts for the most likely and giving himself tips and things to remember for the less likely. 

...all right, so maybe he had gone a bit overboard. But it did all feel necessary, and not just because he was honestly really fucking worried and wasn't sure if he'd make it through this if he were forced to improvise. Now, he had no justification for putting it off any longer. He had no more data to gather. Nothing more to figure out. He knew exactly when and where this was going down. 

He was actually going to do it. 

He felt weird. His skin was still humming with his previous purpose, and he felt cut short that there was nothing more to work on. Immediately his brain started working again, searching for another possible turn in the conversation, but he forced himself to stop. He needed a distraction. 

He glanced over everything a final time – more out of habit than anything else – and then saved, shutting off the laptop. Jake was still sitting over on the couch on his own computer. What was he doing? He didn't seem to be watching a movie now. 

No, fuck that. He wasn't thinking about Jake any more. Even if he did figure something new out he'd probably have to go through his plans and change everything over again. He didn't want any more excuses to stall. 

But they still had one more night together, after all. 

Jake was wearing a big, bulky knitted sweater, obviously handmade; the rain from yesterday had continued through the night and had only stopped this afternoon, making the house feel cool and damp. His knees were tucked under him, a cup of tea on the coffee table – Dirk vaguely remembered Jake leaving one for him a little while ago. Curled up on the couch like this he looked almost heartbreakingly domestic. 

“What're you doing?” 

Jake jumped, looking quickly over at Dirk as he sat next to him. “Oh, uh, nothing, really.” 

Dirk raised an eyebrow. Jake smiled, wagging his finger. “Secret, didn't I say?” 

“Still got more to do?” 

Jake switched tabs to a conversation he was apparently also having with Roxy. “Nah, I can work out the rest tomorrow.” 

Dirk gestured his head towards the screen. “Does she know about it?” 

“What? No, she doesn't know anything.” 

Dirk narrowed his eyes. Jake shrugged. 

“What?” 

Dirk shook his head. “Nothing. Fuck that.” 

The kissing was awkward, more than it had been since their first time. Dirk wasn't quite sure what to do – go slow and savour the moment? Go as normally and pretend nothing was wrong? Go fast and work through some of this restless heat coursing through him whenever he thought of tomorrow? His hands fumbled, caught between instinct and reason. 

And oddly, the thoughts weren't disappearing. Normally, once he began to kiss Jake, his mind would go totally blank and shut itself off, like a computer in sleep mode. It was definitely muffled now, but there was still a faint sound there like white noise, humming almost inaudibly at the bottom of his mind and vibrating against the back of his skull. It bothered at him, like a headache not bad enough to complain about but just painful enough to be distracting. 

When Jake's hand touched at the skin between his shirt and his jeans Dirk tried to respond likewise. He moved one hand to Jake's hip, tried to lose himself in the kiss. But he was too jittery, his hands shaking. He felt sickly, that unpleasant heat from the first day returned. 

No. Not now. 

He sighed, pausing. Jake stopped as well, tense. 

“We should – just go to bed.” 

“Yeah,” Jake breathed, wriggling and rolling his shoulders. “Yeah, ok.” 

They broke away, Jake changing and going to bed as usual. Dirk stayed on the couch, eyes closed, breathing. 

There were no distractions anymore. There was no more work to do, nothing left to change or fiddle with or figure out. Tomorrow, the adrenaline would return. (Probably. Hopefully.) Now, all he had to do was sleep. 

Fuck. Like _shit_ that was going to be happening any time soon. 

The energy shuddered; not being released, it backed up in him, congealing in blobs and making him feel overstuffed, heavy, sluggish. He rolled his head; his toes were moving in circles, hands touching at his wrists alternately. Had he always had so many tics like this, nervous habits? He wondered whether Jake noticed. Probably he had. 

He got up and got changed, getting into bed like usual. But he was wide awake, and even holding his eyelids closed felt like too much work. With only a minute's lack of focus he'd be staring up at the ceiling again. 

He pushed his way out of bed again. If he tried too hard to get to sleep he'd just fail, and then he'd be miserable and sleepless all night worrying and unreasonable and desperately bored, and then he'd feel terrible the next morning. He couldn't afford that. If he could just get up and find a way to make himself sleepy, then... 

He grabbed his shades with shaky hands. He turned towards the couch but then changed his mind, walking down the stairs. Jake was still sound asleep of course – he'd never know. 

The house was cool and dark, which was good. Or bad? He scratched at the back of his neck, then at the back of his hand. He walked through the nearest doorway. Another sort of storage room, he saw as he turned on the light, filled with what seemed to be magic boxes and magicians' props. But there was an empty armchair nearby, so he sat down, holding his shades in his lap. 

Now there was nothing left to think about anymore there was only one direction his thoughts could take. 

What would Jake say? 

The energy shot to his stomach, bundling and twisting. He shifted, stretching his shoulders, shaking his head. It was easy to think about in a clinical setting, but now the feelings he'd pushed down were bouncing up again like they were on springs, higher and higher. 

What did he think? What did he seriously think? 

He didn't agree with the autoresponder on everything. But he agreed with him here. He didn't think it would work out. 

It just didn't make any sense. He knew he had no idea what Jake was thinking. He could even admit that Roxy might have a point – he wasn't the best judge right now at all, especially if he had managed to miss that Jane also had a crush on Jake, what even the fuck. But even she, Jane, and the AR had said they had no idea why Jake would do all this if he really did care about him the same way. Hardly a large sample size, but what could anyone else say? They knew him best, better than anyone else in the entire world. If he didn't know it, they would. And if they didn't, it couldn't be true. 

It didn't seem fair that the idea still felt like a punch in the gut even now. After everything that had happened this week – all the worries and obsessions and good parts and bad parts and just general emotional clusterfuck the likes of which he had never felt before and sure as fuck didn't want to ever feel again – he should just feel tired and dull, shouldn't he? That, at least, would be a welcome relief, might even feel like progress. And he did feel tired – impossibly tired, in spirit if not in body, sick of everything and wishing nothing more than that he could throw it all off in some dramatic act of rebellion and run away and keep running. But other feelings were there, too, feelings that were complicated and yet, at the end of it all, really very simple. It didn't seem fair that at the end of it all Dirk Strider really was just as human as everyone else, just as susceptible to uncertainty and fear and sadness. He should be an exception, he had to be, or what was the point? How could he expect Jake to like him back if he really was just some weird kid who spent all his time in his room learning things with no practical application? He was good at things, yes, he could fight and move fast and take care of himself, but you couldn't base a romantic relationship on that. You could barely base a friendship on that. 

His face was twisting and contorting – now, it seemed, even this was beyond his control. He sighed and leaned back, tracing the shades. He was wallowing. It was stupid and pointless and it was only going to make everything harder. But maybe, just maybe, it was better to do this now rather than tomorrow. Maybe if he thought about it enough... 

Hours later, Dirk stumbled back to bed, almost falling asleep where he stood. He fell to the bed with a thump. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I potentially have some bad news. It's near the end of the semester at uni, and next week is when things will really start to heat up. So I won't have as much time as usual to work on chapters, and there's a small chance I won't be able to get the next chapter up next week. However, it IS just a small chance, and I'll definitely do my best to get it done on time. It's pretty inconvenient that this is happening for the final chapter, but that is also why I want to do it properly. I don't know, I'm just being kind of paranoid here, but I'd feel better about telling you and then getting it up on time than the other way around!


	7. Day Seven

“Time to get up!”

“Wait.” Dirk rubbed his eyes. His head felt weird. His eyes refused to open and despite his efforts he felt all semblances of consciousness slipping away by the second.

“...did you seriously just wake up, say one word, then fall asleep again?”

“No.” What was he talking about? Something important. He needed to say - 

“Uh, whatever you've got planned, can we put that on hold?”

Jake was silent. Dirk was thankful. In retrospect, he probably should have waited until he'd woken up a bit more before attempting this. But he'd said he would do it today and it was today and he was doing it. He'd written the code and now he was going through the motions and he wasn't stopping now.

“Um, sure, I guess. Why?”

“Nothin' much. Just kinda wanted to do something. Talk to you. About something.” Ok, he was talking, that was good. He forced his eyes to stay open and looked at Jake. The enormity of today was beginning to dawn on him, muffled by sleep and determination. He shivered slightly, but thankfully something about this combination of sleepiness and real action calmed him even as his mind whirred into activity. 

“...oh, ok. Sure.”

“Good, cool, good.” Dirk pushed off the bed, staggering to his bag. “Just gonna get ready then we'll go.”

“Go? Go where?”

Dirk wagged his finger. “It's a secret.”

He walked to the stairs, but Jake stayed behind this time. Dirk shrugged mentally, making his way to the bathroom.

He undressed slowly, alternately losing himself to thought and becoming strangely aware of his surroundings and this place that he would be leaving tomorrow. The emotions from last night felt so strange and far away now, and if it weren't for the heavy stiffness of his limbs that betrayed how little he'd truly slept last night he'd suspect he'd dreamed it all. Now...? The feeling was there, but channelled in its proper directions. Now, he wanted nothing more than to put his clothes back on and walk out that door and go through with it all as soon as possible. But he breathed, controlling his movements and slowing himself down. It felt as though he were bit by bit drawing some exceptionally heavy but incredibly fragile object to the ground, but it also felt necessary. He needed to be calm. He could actually do this.

He'd dreamed last night, he realised. Something soft and comfortable. Travelling – on a train at first, and then on camels up a mountain in the middle of the night? Weird. But then Jake had sat down on some couch that had suddenly appeared, complaining of a sore leg, and Dirk had sat next to him. And Jake had glanced at him and rolled his eyes and gestured over, and Dirk had leaned against him, and Jake had held out his hand, and he had taken it. Strange – he didn't normally dream about people he knew. But it had been... nice. He didn't get many opportunities to sit with people like that – certainly his bro wasn't exactly the touchiest person in the world. He'd thought maybe Jake would be, but maybe not. Or maybe he was trying to respect what he thought were Dirk's boundaries?

He found himself leaning over the sink again, just as he had the second day. His skin was prickling and he warned himself not to think too hard about the future, that he'd just screw himself over if he counted on anything, but he realised that it wasn't necessary. He couldn't imagine it now, not either way. He frowned, concentrating – surely he could envision it somehow. But the particulars eluded him, and either option just seemed too strange and unreal. It was like replaying a movie in front of his eyes – he'd thought about it too many times for it too seem like a genuine option anymore. What would happen? Fuck knew. He just – he just needed to go through with it, and then he'd know.

He turned on the shower, holding his hand under the spray. Pieces of his script flew to his attention – he'd always been good at remembering things like that. He stepped underneath the water, rubbing his face. Immediately he felt much more awake, the feeling centering him. This... this wasn't difficult. It actually wasn't. All he had to do was make sure he said what he'd decided to say. There were only two possible results and in a few hours he'd know which one had won. That was all. 

He actually believed it. His stomach throbbed, his legs, his heart pulsing through his body. But he felt calm.

He scrubbed himself near raw, the repetitive movements focusing his thoughts. He repeated the lines to himself steadily – it wasn't necessary now, but it felt good to do it anyway.

It really _wasn't_ difficult. In writing up the script he'd already done most of the work. It had taken quite a while, too, mostly due to his total unwillingness to make a decision about what Jake would do necessitating multiple branches of possible action. Now, he thought he had a pretty good idea of how it would end up. He just needed to see which branch Jake was going to follow.

He didn't feel bad. His head was fine. He was breathing fine. It was surprisingly easy to act normal. But then every now and then he'd knock his foot on the doorway of the shower and the pain would be surprisingly sharp or he'd find it unusually difficult to pick up something. His stomach felt like it was vibrating, irritating his insides.

But he could still do it.

When he left the bathroom, Jake was frowning, hand to the side of the stupid computer helmet he was wearing on his head. He drummed his fingers, looking frustrated.

“Coming?”

Jake jumped, looking around for Dirk like a deer in the headlights. “Uh, yeah.” He paused, lips pursing as he finished whatever he was doing. With a sigh, he removed the headset, avoiding Dirk's gaze.

They walked in silence through the house. The room with the dead animal bottle, the room with the musical instruments. He still had to compose the soundtrack for Jake's movie. He was thinking of something booming and dramatic, as much so as physically possible – every single second of screen would be accompanied by (in)appropriate music, the action sequences almost hysterically overwraught. It would be a lot of work, but it was the only possible way to do it, as far as Dirk saw it.

Despite himself, he almost felt tempted to smile. It would truly be amazing when it was done. He could only imagine how Roxy and Jane would react. He wondered what his bro would think – certainly it was foolish to think there was some way he wouldn't find out. He didn't really collaborate with other people very often. Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea. Who knew? Years ago, he and Roxy had managed to combine their intellects together to make something incredible (well, incredible for the time, anyway). God only knew what they could manage now.

And...maybe, specifically, there was something nice about the idea that he and Jake could make something together. Shit, was that stupid? Maybe he was grasping at straws, so desperate to retain their friendship that he was willing to look this far into things. He shook his head.

They went outside; the ground was damp, but for the time being, at least, it didn't seem like it would rain again too soon. They travelled downwards gradually, and then along same path they'd taken the second day, when they were shooting the movie. Already the place was starting to look a little familiar – he could recognise this tree and that trench. In time, maybe he'd know it as well as his own home.

Dirk scanned the area, wondering whether or not to disturb the silence.

“No monsters around?”

“No, it's unlikely. Should be careful, though.” Jake's expression was surprisingly blank.

Dirk nodded, taking out his swords.

Time felt strange. Twice he contradicted himself mentally – it felt like things were happening slow, and then fast, and then slow again – before he gave up the idea of trying to measure it. At the end of it all, this time wasn't important. Why would he remember the minutes before he confessed as opposed to the confession itself? As quickly as things happened they disappeared, drifting away into the air. But it was necessary for the minutes to burn down, gradually reaching closer and closer to the explosive point in question. So he walked, and he thought sometimes, and didn't think other times. It didn't really matter.

They climbed the hill side by side and then descended into the valley, before traversing another. 

All the while Dirk could feel Jake's eyes on him. He refused to look back.

Finally, they arrived. There was nothing particularly special about this place, but by the process of elimination Dirk had decided it was the best. They had to go somewhere. Ideally, it would be a place they had already been before, with associated memories. (Plus, Dirk wasn't exactly able to just scour the island on his own whenever he wanted.) Somewhere they could look over the island and see where they'd been, and just plain somewhere that looked nice. Something suitably dramatic. But this wasn't just for Jake – he had to have a logical reason to choose a particular place and this all worked as well as anything else.

And maybe he didn't mind being a little dramatic. He felt he deserved it.

The wind was a bit stronger up here than he'd like, though. It was doing annoying things to his hair.

He took a deep breath and turned around. Jake was watching him, eyes wide.

For a few seconds, nothing happened. His heart raced. He breathed in and out, chest tight. He shivered, the slight sweat he had worked up drying cold against his skin, and then hot again. Everything was flip-flopping, and when he tried to speak he stuttered between moving forward and staying where he was. His earlier confidence was breaking away from him, falling, and for a few terrifying moments he seriously wondered whether he really couldn't do this after all.

He just...

“Um-” Jake started.

“I love you.”

The wind blew softly.

Dirk straightened, breathed out. Jake watched him, but seemed to recognise that he was still talking. The anxiety was still here, but as he made one last run-through of his script, it crystallised into a new, stronger determination than before. Dirk stared Jake squarely in the eyes.

He was doing this.

“I have for a long time now. Approximately three years, though it is of course impossible to make a more definite estimation. Why haven't I ever said anything, you might ask? Partially out of pessimism, partially out of fear. A lot of reasons, really. But in the end, you deserve to know the truth. So here it is.”

Dirk swallowed, but barrelled on. “I am aware I should have said something to you on Monday. I apologise for that. I'm...not really very good at this, either.”

He looked away, over the scenery. The places where they had stopped to film. The temple Jake had ziplined to; if he concentrated, he could almost see the line. The long line of beach – somewhere along there they'd spent the other day.

“I know this is a lot to take in all at once. I'm not expecting you to say anything immediately. In fact, if you wanted me to leave now, I'll do that. I guess I just want one thing, if I can ask that.”

Jake's eyes were so wide. So green. Beautiful.

“I want to stay friends,” he said quietly. He bit his lip; swallowed again. His speech almost over, his drive was slipping away, leaving nothing more than some scared fifteen-year-old with no fucking idea how to handle any of this. “If we can.”

Jake watched him, waiting. Slowly, he nodded.

Dirk nodded in return, then turned to the view again, suddenly unable to even look at him. Now it was his turn to wait.

“...um. Haha.” Jake shuffled his foot against the ground, the dirt scratching against his boot. “I, uh. I actually kind of know.”

That. That was ok. He'd known that, after all. It'd be ridiculous to think any other answer was possible. That was fine. That was an answer. Ok. So he hadn't been crazy. Stupid, maybe, for being quite so insistent otherwise, but not crazy. Stupid was better than crazy, right?

His hands were shaking again. Still turned away, he nodded.

“Ok,” he said.

“Yeah,” Jake said, in a rush of breath. “Uh. This, haha. This actually isn't going how I intended it at all!”

Dirk nodded again. This was ok. He could do this. He just had to stand there and nod.

“Uh, I can explain, though!” Jake said hastily. “Um...I guess I should start from the beginning?”

Dirk nodded.

“Haha,” Jake said. “Um, yeah, like I said, I did...actually know about it. Sorry for all that stuff I said, by the way! That was pretty dumb. But yeah, I have known for a...while. Not three years, maybe, haha. Wow. But I did, um, start to wonder a bit around when we were fourteen? A bit before Jane turned fourteen? And for about a year now I've been sure.”

Dirk wanted to turn and look at him. He resisted. His feelings were going weird, and time was going even weirder. Not just vague – lengthened; strained. _Just get on with it already. Just tell me. Haven't I waited long enough?_ But he'd had his turn and now Jake had his. This was necessary.

“And I guess...” Jake's voice broke a bit, coming out a little weird. “I... well. I didn't really know what to do about all that! I admit that at first, I felt bad, um, for you... But.”

Jake kept scratching his feet on the ground. Dirk hated it – there was too much going on already, did he have to add something else distracting him? 

“But... I guess... that was a little hasty? And I wondered whether maybe I had rather jumped to a conclusion there! Because how could I know, really? I'd just sort of...decided. Which was stupid.”

Back yesterday when he'd first begun thinking about all this, Dirk had sworn to himself that as soon as they started talking, his emotions would be off. He'd think about what Jake said only as much as was necessary to advance the conversation. Until he had a definite answer, he would not expect things to go either way.

And yet. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't restrain the tiny, barely-discernable flutter of hope.

“But...that's sort of a really big thing, you know! You can't just decide it either way so easily. And I thought about it a lot, and, well. I still wasn't really all that sure! I mean, I thought I... could. And I'd even enjoy it, really. But. It still didn't really feel like the same thing.”

Dirk wasn't sure how it was possible to be feeling disappointment and hope at the same time. They were warring in his chest, shaking his rib cage.

“I guess what I really wanted most of all was...well, a chance to...test it. Find out. And I guess that's what this whole thing was about, if that makes sense!”

Dirk was quiet. Jake was quiet.

He had no idea what the fuck to say to that.

It was quite possibly the stupidest thing he had ever heard in his entire life.

Finally, he found words. “...yeah, because that's the only goddamn way to find out if you're into men.”

“Well, obviously not!” Jake said scornfully, and Dirk could practically hear Jane's words from yesterday about how she wasn't as naïve as he thought she was. Dirk glanced in Jake's direction; he was fiddling with his glasses. “But there's more to it than just that. And it's not like that necessarily means something! Girls can like other girls even if they're straight.”

“Wait, what the fuck? No they can't, that's the entire definition of 'straight'.”

“Oh. Really?” Jake said, and for a second he just sounded so inappropriately disappointed that Dirk had no idea whether or not he wanted to laugh or punch him. Probably the latter. Roxy's question from yesterday suddenly echoed, and Dirk was forced to admit that he might have to answer in the affirmative right now. His eye was twitching.

Instead, he settled for shaking his head. “...so that's what this was all about.”

“There was more as well!” Jake hurried to say, fists clenched. “It was – you don't realise what you were expecting of me! You're always doing that, just trying to hang around in the shadows like a fucking superhero or bodyguard or something, solving all my problems for me and then just vanishing! But what about when I want to do things for myself? What if I want to do something? I was just – just supposed to sit back and wait while you three whispered amongst yourselves and decided what to do with me like I was some kid in need of punishment and the adults were talking? All the while having to keep up this act like I'm just some oblivious little shit who has no idea what everyone's going on about? No. Fuck that,” he said, with vehemence that almost made Dirk jump. “ _Fuck_ that. I wanted to _do_ something. I wanted to change something, make something finally happen already! And I wanted to do something for you, too, to show you I can think for myself, to – help you!”

“ _Help_ me?” Dirk repeated incredulously.

“Yes! _Help_ you! Because there are two possibilities, right? Two possibilities. If it works out then fine and dandy, everyone is happy! If not, well, I can call the whole thing off without you having to open yourself up and you can go off comforted that you never made a fool out of yourself, and we can go back to being friends, and – and we both know. Because that's sure as fuck better than not knowing at all.”

“And you never stopped to think about what I might be feeling through all this?” All the emotion that had been so amorphous before was rapidly metamorphosing into a hard anger and he didn't really give a shit. “That I might actually be really fucking confused and – that I might be pissed off about all this?”

“I-” Jake stumbled over his words. “Maybe not – entirely. Ok. I can admit that. But at least I did something. And it's not like I was the only one lying here!”

Dirk closed up, looking at Jake with narrowed eyes. “I guess not.”

“No, don't-” Jake raked a hand through his hair. “This is really, really not going the way I wanted, I was supposed to be the one to say something first, I was going to do it today, but then you-” He shook his head. “This is stupid. Can't we just both admit we're kind of idiots and let it go?”

“So that makes everything better?”

“It can if we want it to! And if not...at least maybe everything cancels out?”

Dirk looked at him. Seriously, now, looked at Jake. He was so... So fucking...

_Just tell me._

_Please._

Dirk swallowed. He turned around, sitting down on a nearby boulder. The wind was suddenly cold again and he shook a little.

He heard Jake take one step forward. Just one.

“So what did you decide?”

The wind blew again, a little bit more strongly.

“Fuck.” Jake made an odd laughing choking sound and Dirk wanted to scream at him. _Why are you doing this? Just tell me. Tell me. Tell me._ “Sorry, I – I'm screwing this up so badly.”

_Tell me._

_Tell me._

Jake took a couple more steps forward.

_Fucking tell me already. Tell me._

He sat beside Dirk.

_Tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me tell me-_

Jake touched his arm; his shoulder. Dirk resisted, but then slumped. He turned to look Jake in the eyes.

Jake smiled.

“Yeah,” he breathed, and kissed him.

Dirk shuddered. He slumped forward, holding onto Jake's hand to steady himself. Jake kissed at his lips and Dirk closed his eyes tightly.

“Fuck you,” he mumbled, barely getting the words out. “Fuck you for having to be so fucking overdramatic.”

“You were the one who took us up a fuck-damned _mountain_ ,” Jake said with a truly absurd degree of indignation and Dirk's shoulders shook with repressed laughter.

“That's not even – fuck you.”

“I think I like it when you get all incoherent. Feel like I should get some kind of trophy or something.”

“You'd have a long way to go to reach a collection as big as your grandma's.”

“What did I say about being not very nice?” Jake nuzzled at him, pressing their lips together again and Dirk felt his whole body respond, arms curling around him. There was something in him, something big and choking and his toes were twisting in his shoes, heaviness in his throat, behind his eyes.

Jake moved, pressing his cheek to Dirk's and Dirk hugged him, holding on tighter than he ever had to anything before in his life.

“Fuck you.”

His breaths were ten seconds long, absurdly long, big shuddery things. He thought of music, of the beats. But there was Jake and he was actually there, rubbing his thumb on Dirk's back and -

“I actually really sort of fucking love you.”

“Yeah. I know.” Jake tilted his head a little, bumping it against Dirk's. “I love you, too.”

“Fuck. Just – stop that. For a bit.”

Jake was silent. Dirk held onto him.

Just...fuck. Fuck. For some time, he couldn't do anything else but sit there with Jake. It was just... too much. Too much. Too much happiness and relief and caring and lots of other things he couldn't possibly pick out, like colors all spilling and pouring together, veins and lines of this and that, mixing and blurring. He'd never felt so much all at once ever before, and it was – it had to be good, right? But right now he felt like panicking, because surely this was too much, right? People weren't supposed to feel this much all at once, not just because someone agreed to go out with them or whatever, this was over the top. No, it wasn't colors – it was music, instruments adding and adding in an ever-louder Bolero until it was just _noise_ and there was no way to distinguish them.

But music was always noise. And as he breathed, it became quieter, and the instruments stopped, and there was a tune again, always in the back of his mind. An unfamiliar one – something weird and experimental and jerky and void of any kind of recognizable beat, but still music. Good music.

Jake was warm. He was so warm, and that made it worse, made him feel even more twisty and hot. But he didn't want to let go. He was reminded of his dream, and in that moment he never wanted to let go, not ever.

Finally, he leaned back, eyes downcast.

“Ok.”

“I really am sorry.”

“Good.”

Jake paused, then reached a hand upwards. “Um, could I...”

Dirk stared at him. “Oh, right.” He reached for his shades, but as he took them off he paused.

“...if we're being honest, here...”

Jake frowned. “Uh, sure?”

Dirk looked him in the eye, holding up the glasses. “I don't really care if people see my eyes. I just wear these because they look cool. And 'cause my bro gave them to me.”

Jake stared at him. Then he snorted, and then he was outright laughing, gasping for air.

“...uh, what?” Dirk asked, bewildered.

“Just... fuck. We really _are_ both idiots, aren't we?” Jake said between breaths, and Dirk's mouth twitched, which turned into a chuckle, and then he was pushing Jake away, hand covering his face.

“Complete idiots. Total idiots. The two biggest fucking idiots to ever live.”

“Oh _dear_ ,” Jake said with feeling, and Dirk's shoulders were shaking again.

Then Jake was kissing his cheek, and Dirk kissed his lips firmly. He had no fucking idea what he was doing. But for the first time, it actually wasn't screwing up. It almost seemed to be working.

“We should have sex,” Jake said.

Dirk blinked. “Yes.”

But Jake broke away, raising an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

Dirk stared at him. The fuck? How on earth could Jake not get this even now?

And then he followed his gaze. Dirt and rocks and grasses. Everywhere, dirt and rocks and grasses.

Right. The mountain thing.

“...you really didn't think this through, did you?”

“Shut the fuck up. I was thinking for you, you fuckhead.”

“Ok I have to admit, I probably would have done the same thing! But I didn't and you did so I think it is reasonable to blame you.”

Dirk's eye twitched. He realized with alarm that his good mood was already trickling away and turned inwards, trying to figure out how to get back to what he was feeling just seconds before.

“Oh geez.” Jake sighed, resting his own head on Dirk's shoulder. Dirk jumped. “You're doing it again.”

“Doing what again?”

“That look. All displeased and such.”

Dirk frowned. “It's nothing.”

Suddenly Jake's head came up again and he frowned, looking Dirk straight in the eye. Dirk glanced away uneasily.

“Look, you – are you seriously getting all upset just because you did something silly? And I didn't?”

“What? No, of course not.”

Jake glared at him and Dirk glanced away again.

The seconds dragged on. Finally, Jake said, in a surprisingly quiet voice, “Is it really that hard to accept that sometimes, I'm the right one? That sometimes, I might actually be better at you at something?”

“No,” Dirk said with force, looking Jake head-on. But the other boy didn't look angry. He just looked... fuck, Dirk was the worst friend ever. “No. That's not true.”

“But sometimes you – and all this week, you keep being all like-”

“That was just me being an idiot. Just – don't – look.” Dirk ran a hand through his hair. What was going on? The confession was supposed to fix everything, right? “I'm not – I'm an idiot, sometimes. Especially this week. And with you. I guess.”

Jake frowned, but he didn't seem hurt anymore. His expression was unreadable, but he was listening carefully.

“Then why?” he asked.

Dirk opened his mouth and then closed it again. He pursed his lips, looking away, feeling his cheeks heat up a little. Why did he keep doing that? Fuck. He'd sort of noticed himself doing it, but – it was all just to protect Jake, right? To take care of him. But maybe there was a reason behind _that_ he'd never thought about, and now that he _was_ thinking about it, it wasn't looking good.

There were a lot of reasons. He really did worry about Jake and wanted to look after him just like he looked after Jane and Roxy. But it was more than that. Maybe, he was so freaked out from feeling lost all this time that he just really wanted one area where he felt like he was on top of everything. Maybe, on some level, he genuinely didn't think he and Jake could be together as a couple and so he kept trying to push their relationship in another direction as well, almost like a back-up? And maybe...

His cheeks grew redder. He'd been pretty depressed last night, hadn't he? It felt more surreal than ever by now. But... the more he thought about it, the more he couldn't deny the possibility that what he'd thought back then might just be what he'd been feeling all along and that he’d just been too proud to admit it. In fact, it was looking increasingly like that was the case.

But it was stupid. He didn't think that little of himself, did he? He was just trying to keep it all into perspective. One had to know one's own faults, after all.

Jake was still watching him. Jesus, the guy really did have eyes like a puppy. Even after Dirk had acted like such an asshole to him all week, he still wanted to be with him.

Dirk glanced downwards, then to the left, then down again.

“Well...there were...a few reasons.”

“Like?” Jake sounded expectant, but when Dirk looked his way he seemed almost...understanding?

Dirk sighed, scratching at his wrist. Before he could talk himself out of it, he said in one breath, “I guess partially it was just that I didn't really get why you would want to go out with me at all and I wanted to prove it or something? I don't know. It was stupid. I'm sorry.”

Jake blinked, and then again. And then his mouth twitched, and then even more, until he was almost shaking from silent mirth.

“What?” Dirk said, immediately defensive.

“It's just -” Jake grinned, placing a hand at each of Dirk's cheeks. “That's – that's really cute.”

Dirk's facial expression moved in a strange and unexplainable way. Jake outright laughed, and Dirk wondered whether he had accidentally transported them both seven days back in time. God he hoped not.

“Sorry, but – it is!” Dirk glared, and Jake only smiled wider. “It's cute! I just – I just sort of want to hug you. And maybe pinch your cheeks.”

“I thought we decided I was weird.”

“You are weird. You are both weird and cute. They go together.”

“Since when?”

Jake shook his head, ignoring him. “Just...” All of a sudden, he pulled Dirk's head forward and kissed his forehead. Dirk stared, and Jake again placed himself directly in front of Dirk's vision. “Why do you think we're friends?”

“...what the fuck kind of a question is that?”

Jake shook his head. “Seriously! Why are all of us friends? Is it – because Jane is an amazing chef and is probably going to be the best president Crockercorp has ever seen, or because Roxy knows basically _all the things_ and can play a game for like five minutes and still kick everyone's arses, even totally sloshed? Is it because you have what I actually suspect is a photographic memory and also are so amazing at fighting that I can't even touch a robot you programmed to novice mode?” Jake shrugged. “Well...maybe! Obviously that's part of it, I think. But at the end of the day, don't you think it's the other stuff that is more important? The way Jane cannot pull off a prank to save her life, no matter how hard she tries. The way Roxy is pretty much constantly off her head drunk and honestly, I'm pretty sure she just makes all those typos up half the time! The way I...well, ok, you win, I admit it: some of the movies I like are terrible. The way we're all...well, weird. We are, all four of us, at the end, just really, really weird and that's sort of the thing I like best, I think? And just between you and me?” Jake smiled even wider, touching his nose to Dirk's. “I think you and I are the weirdest of us all.”

Dirk breathed in. Jake chuckled quietly; once.

“And...I like that. I really like seeing when you get all happy and trying to not show it but then you do. I like it when I get to show you something you've never seen before – like this island? You always just looked so amazed, I could tell! I like it when we can work together on something, and even if it's totally pointless and ridiculous – doesn't that almost make it better? I'd much rather have the Dirk I can make sandcastles with and shoot silly movie scenes with and – and even play really, really terrible videogames with than the Dirk who just kinda fights things and then goes away.”

Jake paused, then coughed. “Well ok that ended up longer than I expected, but. You can talk now!”

“...did you memorize that?”

“Of course not! Wait -” Jake suddenly smiled with a kind of insane glee that left Dirk instantly worried. “You totally memorized what you said to me just before, didn't you? I bet you – like, planned it out and everything?”

Dirk raised an eyebrow. “Maybe.”

Jake laughed, leaning forward to kiss him, briefly. “You are so ridiculous sometimes. It's awesome.”

Dirk shook his head. But…he couldn’t deny it – even aside from all the angst and stupidity and worrying, he’d had more fun this week than he’d ever had before. He didn’t ever want to stop doing that. Wasn’t that the whole reason he wanted to stay friends with Jake?

Fuck. He was an _idiot._

“Just. I can't believe that, after everything, you are actually more self-aware than I am.”

“Can you really not?”

Dirk looked at him. “I guess I can.”

Jake smiled, silent for a few seconds. And then, with great purpose, he said simply, “I believe in you.”

Dirk stared, then nodded. “I...” he said. “I believe in you, too.”

Jake smiled so much Dirk honestly thought he was going to burst or something. Then, with a rather abstract kind of objective wonder, he realised he was doing the same thing.

“Ahhhh, are you really sure we can't just do it up here? It's not that dirty-”

“No.”

Jake sighed, but didn't appear to have expected otherwise. “Well, I guess we should really go, then!

Dirk nodded, standing up. “After you,” he said, gesturing theatrically.

Jake grinned wider, taking his hand. “I don't think so.”

*

“Of course! There are always more!”

“For every movie you make me watch I get to spend two hours cultivating your appreciation of irony.”

“Is that really what you'd do with me for two hours?” Jake waggled his eyebrows up and down.

“Well obviously I'm not gonna do you, that would just encourage you. You wanna have sex, get rid of the movies.”

Jake frowned carefully.

“Oh shit don't tell me you are actually thinking this over.”

“This goes beyond just you or me, Dirk. This is about the film industry as a whole and its mark on mankind.”

“You actually believe this, don't you.”

Jake tugged him forward and ascended the final step into his room. For a moment he paused.

“Oh yeah!” He turned around and kissed Dirk.

“...you forgot what we were doing.”

“I didn't forget! I just lost track of where we were going.”

“You _forgot._ ”

“I didn't forget!” Jake insisted. “And anyway, you distracted me with your...talking.”

“Would you rather talk about movies or have sex?”

“Sex, obviously!” Jake pouted. “Jesus, you are so bloody sensitive-” Dirk mashed their lips together, pushing Jake towards the bed. Jake let out a delighted little sound, allowing Dirk to direct them towards it.

Jake pulled away to hop onto the bed, lying down and settling himself in. “I like it when you do that.”

“Really.” Dirk climbed on as well, crawling over him. 

“Tch – didn't we go over this? I didn't mean it like that!” Jake reached up to toy with Dirk's hair; Dirk flinched at first but then reluctantly let him. It felt more than silly to object to that now, given what they were about to do. Not that this would give Jake permission to screw with his hair whenever he felt like it, though.

“What I _meant_ was that I like it when you do what you want to do. Because then I know you want to, yeah?”

“...if you were still under any doubt that I wanted to do this-”

“I know,” Jake said, waving his hand. “But I mean like – in general. You aren't exactly the most open guy, dude. It's always 'bluh bluh what can I do to help out everyone else without letting anyone know that I might actually care about something'! And I know you just said that, but – I like it when I know you like little things, too.”

Dirk stared at him. “Was that supposed to make sense?”

Jake grabbed his wrist, angling his hand so he could twine their fingers together. “Now you.”

“Now me what?”

“I just said something I like, so now you have to say something you like, too!”

“You're really devoted to this idea, aren't you?”

“Because it's true.” Jake looked up at him, expression warm but uncharacteristically serious. “And I'm not just trying to be nice here, either. If I can't do things that make you happy then you'll just get all hurt and snarky and then wander off on your own all sulky and not get over it for days and just expect me to somehow make you feel better. And I'm not particularly keen on doing that!”

“I don't do that.”

Jake gave him a withering look.

Dirk shuffled uncomfortably, still leaned over Jake. “So I just say something I like?” Jake nodded excitably. “Does it have to relate to your thing?”

“No, but it can if you want it to!”

Dirk sighed. Whatever, saying something he liked – it was simple. Ideas began flowing through his mind instantly. But everything was either irrelevant (I like music), too sappy (I like it when we're up close and I can see your eyelashes), too snarky (I like having sex with my boyfriend), or just sort of gave him the feeling that he was missing the point (I like seeing you smile).

Dirk shifted again, wracking his mind. This couldn't be too difficult, right? He wasn't that bad that he couldn't tell his boyfriend one thing that he liked, was he?

He focused on Jake again. He was waiting patiently, still smiling that same goofy grin up at him, one hand on his stomach, the other holding Dirk's hand, thumb rubbing at the back. The movement set tingles up Dirk's arm; come to think of it, hadn't Jake been doing that a lot this week?

That was good enough. “I like it when you rub my hand with your thumb like that. Or whatever.” Even as he said it it sounded totally lame, but Jake grinned up at him more brightly than ever, pulling him down and kissing him.

“Wonderful.”

“Great. Now I'm managed to impress you with my ability to recognise things that please me...”

Jake kissed him again, humming slightly. “Maybe I should make you do that every time we have sex?” he wondered aloud.

“Jesus _christ._ ” Dirk kissed him for real, slipping his tongue into his mouth and twining it with his. Jake chuckled, playing with the hair at the back of Dirk's neck as he responded. Dirk grunted; it actually did feel rather nice. No wonder Jake enjoyed it when he did that.

As they continued, Dirk again expected his brain to soon shut off, leaving him with nothing but the wonderful experience of Jake beneath him. But as he settled himself onto Jake, tracing the skin of his side under his shirt, that never happened. If anything, his mind whirled ever more readily into action, absolutely bursting with facts – that Jake smelled nice, yes, and that Jake's skin was so warm, but also that they were here together, that Dirk no longer had any reason to not stay here longer, that Jake was actually kind of sort of his boyfriend now. He kept replaying scenes from before, lines in his head, like when Jake had said 'yeah' and kissed him just before. Or he'd remember something silly Jake had said days ago, or how nice he'd looked wet and lying next to him on the beach, or that smile he'd had the first time they set eyes on one another in person. There was no reason to push any of this away anymore, no reason to think of these things as only shameful reminders of how little he understood Jake, or as painful examples of exactly what he wouldn't be able to do anymore with Jake very soon. He could think, and he could feel, and it was fucking _brilliant._

“You think too much,” Jake murmured, fingers trailing dangerously low on Dirk's back.

“Nope,” he said quietly, shifting to kiss at Jake's neck. “Just enough.”

“Mmph, _yes,_ hah.”

Dirk chuckled, biting down softly into Jake's neck. He squirmed, letting out more very pleasant little noises. Dirk's stomach fluttered; but while before the feeling had been pretty terrible, now Dirk knew that he could not think of anything better than making Jake do that again.

Jake disagreed, apparently, as he took Dirk's ass his his hand, pushing it towards him. Both groaned as their clothed dicks came together; both were well on their way to being fully erect.

Dirk bit down on Jake's neck again and Jake let out a quiet keening that went straight to Dirk's cock. He squirmed, putting their crotches together again, and hissed.

Jake's hand left Dirk's ass and Dirk frowned. But then he was pushing it between them and Dirk raised himself to let him, letting his own hand trail up and down Jake's side and making his shirt ride up. Jake fumbled with the front of Dirk's jeans; after a few seconds of this, Dirk sat up more, reaching down to open it himself.

“Look, doing it at this angle is actually kind of hard!” Jake whined.

Dirk rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I guarantee that was 100% what I was thinking about just then.”

That done, he looked down at Jake; he was spread out on the mattress, eyes wide and skin flushed, pants bulging significantly.

“Well?” Jake said, and Dirk realised he'd been staring.

“Sorry. You look good.” He reached for Jake's fly, unable to repress a smile when Jake reached up to kiss his jaw. Carefully he worked at the buttons and the zip, finally freeing his dick; when he touched it, Jake hissed loudly.

“Ah, oh fuck yes, yes, fuck, that's very good, yes.”

“I think I like it when you get all incoherent like this,” Dirk murmured, kissing at the edge of Jake's mouth as he squeezed; Jake didn't didn't even attempt to respond intelligibly. Instead, he fumbled at Dirk's crotch again, taking out his dick as well. Dirk grunted, breath coming fast and eyes fluttering shut.

There wasn't much left to it at this point – he slid his hand up down down Jake's cock, spreading the precum for added slickness, trying to co-ordinate a rhythm as he pumped him. The angle was unusual but it wasn't too difficult to account for it, and there was a definite pleasure involved in testing which of the things he enjoyed appealed to Jake as well.

But as they became faster, even this became too difficult to think about and he let himself go easily, tongue tracing Jake's jaw as he pumped his hand.

Jake's hand began to stutter and go off synch so Dirk pressed onwards, squeezing his dick and running his thumb over the head, nibbling by his ear. Very quickly, Jake was coming, crying out loudly and unintelligibly.

Jake sighed, relaxing into the mattress, hand loosening around Dirk. Dirk continued to milk him slowly, letting him ride the aftershocks, until Jake shifted uncomfortably.

“Good?”

“Yes.” Jake chuckled. “Insecure.”

“The- fine, I take it back.”

Jake started laughing and Dirk was about to complain but then Jake's hand tightened and was moving again and fuck yes, okay, that was good.

He nestled his head in the crook of Jake's neck, muffling his mouth against his shoulder as Jake moved over his dick, teasing the head and then moving behind to fondle his balls. Jesus he was good at this. Or did Dirk just have no idea what counted as good? Either way it felt fucking fantastic.

“You look so fucking hot right now,” Jake murmured and Dirk bit back a groan. “So fucking hot, and all for me.”

“Unf-” Dirk grunted, then moaned aloud, low and shaky, as he came, come splattering over Jake's hand and stomach. He breathed in and out deeply, toes curling and uncurling, resting happily over Jake.

After a while, he became aware of Jake's hand lightly stroking his hair. He shifted so he wasn't resting all of his weight on Jake, and Jake kissed his forehead, wrapping his other arm around him.

“So touchy. _Insecure._ ”

“Wrong. Very, very secure right here.”

Hesitantly, Dirk shook off his hand (jesus this was gross and he was definitely going to be having a shower later but whatever) and wrapped his arm around him as well. This earned him another forehead kiss.

“Should have known you'd be the cuddly type.”

“Actually, I kind of always assumed you'd be, as well. Glad to see I'm right.”

“You seem to know a lot of things about me.”

“Yep,” Jake said casually, and Dirk poked him hard in the side. Jake squawked. “So rude!”

“Didn't expect that, huh?”

“Maybe I did. Maybe I wanted you to do that. Maybe you are even as we speak falling precisely into my master plan.”

“Holy god you're incoherent. Am I really that good?”

“Maybe.”

Dirk snorted, shaking his head. “Such a fucking sap.”

“Says the guy holding onto me like a bloody barnacle.”

Dirk refused to dignify that with an answer, instead contenting himself with lying there. He was reminded of their time at the beach a few days ago when he'd laid against the sand, just thinking. They would have to do that again.

“Hey, Dirk?”

“Yeah?”

“You're not going tomorrow, are you?”

“I think I could stand to stay for another week or so.”

Jake actually giggled and it was so silly and stupid and cute that Dirk almost wished he was in a position to facepalm.

“We should have sex again,” Jake said suddenly. “Right now.”

“Yeah. Actually, just a moment,” Dirk said, remembering something. With more difficulty than he'd expected he hauled himself up, turning around so he could reach the computer by his bed.

“What? Why? What are you doing?”

“I'll just be a second.” Logging on, he accessed pesterchum and opened a conversation.

“Whatever you're doing can't be more important than this.”

“Hold your goddamn horses English. Horny bastard.”

“I'd rather you didn't mention horses with your cock out like that.”

“Wow, I just got Jake English to mention the words 'horse' and 'cock' in the same sentence while half-naked. Fuck it, if that got recorded I don't even need you anymore.”

“Are you done yet?” Jake whined, already kissing at the back of Dirk's neck.

“Done,” Dirk said, and turned around to kiss him properly.

*

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG] at 10:10

timaeusTestified [TT] sent tipsyGnostalgic [TG] file "ijusthadsex.mp3"  
TG: OMFG FINLLY

 

The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's the end! :) I'd like to give a _big_ thank you to everyone who left a comment or kudos or even just read the fic so far! it really meant a lot to me to see it! And in particular I pretty much have to give a _huge_ thank you to my wonderful friend and moirail Louise (Vorticity007) for just being so good and patient and comforting even when I got overstressed and started leaving rambly, depressing tumblr text posts. You made the trip...not make me start hating everything ever! :)

**Author's Note:**

> The comment about leaping into a valley named 'the true meaning of broship' is a reference to [this tumblr post](http://ryannorth.tumblr.com/post/5477176754/andrew-hussie-was-coming-over-for-tcaf-and-as-he) by [Ryan North](http://www.qwantz.com/) about a prank he pulled on Andrew Hussie.  
> The comment about the tsundere mountains is a reference to [this comic](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R-l3bqR1yRs) originally by [Goopi.](http://iunf.tumblr.com/)  
> I am aware that Jake's house actually [does not exist](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=006144). Unfortunately, I did not become aware of this until the fic had been written in its entirety and I was well into the editing process. I assure you most _vehemently_ that no-one is more displeased by this canonical inaccuracy than I am.  
> 


End file.
